Soul Eater for the Teenaged Soul
by Fierce Socks
Summary: A hundred souls, a hundred themes. 39/100: Every parent learns that their little girl will eventually grow up. Even the legendary ones. For Marshmellowdragon, Winner of the Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards.
1. Melee: All's Fair in Love and War

**Title: **All's fair in love and war  
**Author: **Pippin's Socks.  
**Length: **1,781  
**Pairing(s): **Implied SoulMaka, SoulMakaKid, BlackStarKid. Yeah. How about I just say everything and let you guys get on with it?  
**Note: **...erm...yeah. We're having a go at 100 pairings/themes/moments...so yeah. Be afraid!

* * *

Death the Kid had a sixth sense for asymmetry, it was an inbred intelligence (paranoia) that dominated his whole life, so – naturally – when he felt his 'symmetry sense' tingling he went with the will of the force (and a tape measure) to go see if he could correct the abomination.

He did not expect, however, to find his two male teammates cowering under a couch at the Albarn residence, identical looks of sheer terror on their faces, not even bothering to make a move to greet him despite the fact he just entered through a window.

"What on earth-"

"Sssh!" both boys hissed, casting petrified glances at the door furthest from them – the one labelled 'Maka's room' - only room was scribbled out with a red crayon and just above the former annotation was a hastily scrawled 'cave'.

"Is Maka ill?" Black Star gulped heavily, opting not to make a sound. That in itself was a sure sign as to how dire the situation was. Soul just stared blankly into the distance, mouthing nonsensical gibberish under his breath.

"You are starting to freak me out you two…" Kid muttered, failing to see the humour in the situation as Black Star started sniggering.

"You don't know man…you weren't here!" he spat, slapping his hands to his mouth as soon as he spoke the words, eyes nearly falling out their sockets in horror.

"What? Did she show you the baby birthing video again?" he went on, absentmindedly straightening out the curtains in a helpless display of obsession.

"Worse. Far worse" Kid kicked up an eyebrow, then the other one because he wouldn't want to be asymmetrical.

"Don't go in there!" Soul suddenly half shouted as Kid made his way across the lounge, hand on the door handle.

With frantic self preservation in mind Black Star tackled the unsuspecting death god to the floor, simultaneously trying not to make a single sound as they both went sprawling.

"Black Star what the-"

"Shut him up!" Soul yelped from his safe position behind the couch, Kid began to wonder where on earth they bought their drugs.

"No one can defeat me!" Black Star goaded, albeit quietly.

Not one to be taken lightly the Shinigami attempted to throw the other boy off him, only succeeding in sending them both sailing into the bookshelf, a storm of hardbacks pummelling them from all angles.

Soul had decided the cupboard would be a far safer place to be in at this point.

He of course forgot that was also the one place that Blair liked to cat nap.

"Not cool!" the poor scythe barked as he was promptly smothered by a naked feline, who merely giggled as Black Star, absorbed by the action, picked up a lamp and threw it at the newly escaped Kid, who dodged the missile easily, shrieking in terror as it shattered into a million pieces on the floor.

"The symmetry!" he began but was promptly silenced as another piece of furniture was hurled his way, Soul had taken to just bleeding quietly on the carpet – surrendering to his fate.

The newly arrived Liz and Patti took one look at the destruction, grabbed the fretting Tsubaki by the arm and dragged the other girl to a safe location.

(AKA a shopping mall.)

A feral roar of sheer fury echoed through the house, Black Star dropped the stack of DVD's he'd been using as shuriken in terror, Kid peeked out from behind the armchair, blowing feathers from the ruined cushions out his hair.

Soul remained unconscious…from lack of blood or oxygen it was hard to tell.

"What…" Kid muttered "was that?"

"…Maka…"

"…no way."

"Yes" Black Star muttered dramatically "way."

"How long has she been like this?" Kid went on, eyeing the assassin warily from his pillow fort, not trusting the other boy with the un-hurled pieces of decor if his life depended on it.

"Since this morning" Black Star responded, quietly now, giving the still unconscious scythe a quick kick in the ribs.

"Ah…I think I know the problem" the Shinigami muttered, trying to look dignified as he crawled amongst the feathers in a bid to get to safety, looking like a deranged (and very fluffy) penguin.

Black Star had a hard time choosing whether or not he wanted to gape in awe of burst out laughing and hack up a lung.

"How?"

"I have two female partners…this is a regular occurrence" spat the dark haired boy, fixing his tie as he approached the door.

He paused when his hand was inches above the handle.

"What is it?" Black Star queried, noting the serious expression on the other boys face.

"If I don't come out in 15 minutes…tell Liz to check the candles for me" Black Star nodded, patting the other boy on the shoulder before bursting into a grin of relief and fleeing round the back of the couch.

Kid swore he could have heard the word '_sucker' _as he fled.

--

--

--

--

It had been precisely 14 minutes, 38 seconds and one uncomfortable awakening since Kid had entered the lair of the beast.

Black Star decided to set his watch back a minute, like the loyal friend he was.

It wasn't that he didn't like Kid, which he didn't, or that he was a coward, which he wasn't, but he really didn't want to mess with the girl who, this morning, had managed to cleave a 500 page novel in two with her bare hands because Soul drunk milk from the carton…

Hence the cowering behind the couch.

"Do you think he's ok?" Soul hissed, considerably paler than usual and sporting a couple of blood stains on his jacket but none-the-less awake.

As if in response to that the door flung open, Kid stumbled out, looking far more windswept than should be possible, missing a shoe and sporting a matching set of bruises on either cheek.

"…erck…" was all Black Star managed to spit out; Soul just repeatedly opened and closed his mouth, doing a very good impression of a cod-fish.

"She wants some chocolate..." the exhausted Shinigami muttered, before face planting rather spectacularly onto the carpet, the lone ornament that managed to remain standing crashing to the floor.

The other two snuck glances at each other.

"Wanna search his pockets?"

--

--

--

--

"I thought you said she wanted chocolate?!"

"She did!"

"Well she hasn't calmed down at all!"

"Hey it normally works on Patti…"

"A piece of foil would work on Patti."

"Point taken."

"Well…what does she want?"

The door flung open, pieces of plaster rained down from the ceiling as a fuming Maka, flames of fury erupting from a unknown source, glared at the now jelloid group of boys on her living room carpet.

"If you're going to talk about me – do it where I _can't _hear you!" she roared before slamming her door once more.

"…I think she's still mad…"

"Shut up Black Star."

--

--

--

--

Women, Soul had discovered, were pains in the asses.

Men however…were hopeless pushovers.

"She wants…'a _ladies _night'" Kid spat in defeat after his second expedition into the 2nd hell known as Maka's room – this time exiting with only one black eye and a rather large amount of glitter.

No one really wanted to know.

"Oh well we'll call Liz and Patti and-"

"No, she wants it…_now._"

There was a brief pause as the information sunk in.

Black Star abruptly punched Kid in the face, sending the poor boy sprawling to the floor. In response to Soul's questioning glance he merely shrugged.

"I was helping...he was asymmetrical."

"You're an asshole."

--

--

--

--

"Aw thanks so much for doing this you guys!" Maka cooed, nestling herself into the bathrobe clad Soul, inhaling the wild berry shampoo she'd forced upon the unsuspecting boy.

"Sssh!" Kid hissed, staring intently at the screen as the overly clichéd romance film reached the climax of the plot, the lead female was sobbing hysterically as her one true love disappeared from her life…again.

Kid sniffed loudly, trying not to bite his newly done nails in the tension of the moment.

"Pansy! Only I would not fall to such a pathetic plot device!"

"Why are you're eyes all red then!"

"I'm allergic to this face mask!"

The boys promptly began to argue on the floor, popcorn crunching underneath them as the bashed each other with pillows.

"I love girl's nights in!" Maka squealed "so what's next? The Notebook or Titanic?!"

All boys turned pale at the thought.

"Can we watch Transformers?"

There was a sickening cracking sound and Black Star's crumpled form lay eerily still in the corner of the room.

"Whatever you want Maka!"

"I love boats and office equipment! Either one is good!"

Maka smiled with joy, skipping off into the next room to grab some more scented candles. The towel wrapped around Soul's hair slipped off to the side slightly.

"This…" began the abused weapon "this never leaves this room. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Hey guys" Black Star mumbled, staring at himself in the mirror "does this bathrobe make me look fat?"

--

--

--

--

_Fin.  
Up next is Fiercy! _


	2. SteinSpirit: Baggage

**Title: **Baggage  
**Author: **XFiercexxx (Sierra)  
**Length: **363…I'm aware that's waaaaay too short compared to the last one XD  
**Pairing(s): **Spirit/Kami and implied Stein/Spirit

**Note: **My turn…? Not nearly as epic as the last one….that and this one's angsty…ish.

He always came back to Stein.

After his after-fight-clubbing sans Annya (his first girlfriend, who was a total pain in the ass) he came to see him and they sit together, him on a stitched up armchair, he backwards on his favorite swivel chair. They drink scotch and reminisce and pretend they're still fifteen-year-old boys who haven't been weighed down by their baggage just yet.

It's hard to believe that was barely a year ago.

After her meets the supposed love of his life Spirit grabs Stein in a bone crushing hug before ditching him for her. He doesn't resent it; he just wishes he had someone to experiment on.

After his wife goes into labor with their first child spirit drags him by the arm, almost dislocating his shoulder in the process. When she's born he hands him a cigar and doesn't have to tell him twice to smoke up for luck.

After Spirit holds his daughter for the first time Stein is there watching him look from his wife to child in wonder before whispering her name, "Maka," and smiling.

After the divorce he's the one who drags him away from the phone to keep from making promises he can't keep.

Later he wonders if that was really a horrid mistake. He wonders if maybe if he'd made those promises and Kami had forgiven him he really would have tried. But, he reasons, it's a little late for that now.

After his first fight with his daughter Stein doesn't see Spirit for a very long time.

When he sees a younger version of the one woman he was able to stand for more than ten minutes and the white haired boy calls out, "MAKA!" he knows that the reprieve from his annoying friend has ended. _This_ is Maka. And because of that he wouldn't dare _really_ lay a finger on her.

After all is said and done, after Medusa accepts a truce, Arachne and the Kisshin are vanquished, after balance is restored and three more Death Scythes are added to the folds, they're back where they started; downing scotch in their favorite chairs, silently helping the other carry that extra baggage.

_Yeah I know….Epic Fail….Give us some love anyway…? Please?_

_Sierra_


	3. SoulMaka: Referendum

**Title: **referendum  
**Summary: **Kid is cunning, Maka is oblivious, Liz is the only sane one and Soul responds to all of this by assaulting potted plants.  
**Author: **Pippin's Sock's  
**Length: **1328  
**Pairing(s): **SoulMaka  
**Note: **Ah, a canon pairing. Surprisingly I don't hate you.

* * *

Soul chocked on his cereal, a messy concoction of wheat based products and slightly sour milk exploding over the table in his sheer indescribable horror. Maka was too busy swooning to notice, Blair helped herself to the fish.

"HE WHAT?!" Soul bellowed, Maka giggled and the neighbours promptly began to rush to the bomb shelters in the most orderly fashion time would allow.

"He asked me out to dinner! _Me!_" the meister sang, spinning in circles and failing to notice the slightly homicidal glint in her weapons eyes.

"…he's planning something!" Soul growled defensively, snapping the spoon he was holding in two with sheer will power.

"He's so handsome!" Maka gushed, pretending not to notice when the poor boy slumped out his seat in sheer shock.

"Since when!"

"And was such a gentlemen about it" Soul decided then and there he didn't really need a moral code anyway…"and oh gosh have you seen that body!"

Soul's brain promptly began to devour itself.

"I-I…I won't allow this!" he yelped, jumping to his feet and attempting to whisk away the naïve young girl before she made the biggest mistake of her life.

"Oh? Don't allow all you want I'm still going…" and with that Maka flipped her hair over her shoulder waltzed out the room. Soul's jaw was somewhere near Australia and Blair giggled quietly from the counter.

"Curse you females and your womanly wiles!" he shrieked, pounding a fist off the table that quite cleanly snapped in two, before swiftly dashing out the house – it was only when he arrived at Black Star's home did he realize he forgot his trousers.

--

--

--

--

"I need your help" Soul muttered darkly, there was a sigh from the other side of the door before it flung open, revealing a rather depressed looking Liz on the other side.

"What is it Soul?" she asked in exasperation.

Soul almost smirked, he had her now, he knew women like the back of his hand – except for Maka but her chest was too small to count her as a female.

"I need you" he began in a murderous tone "to help me, _sabotage Maka's date!_"

From the expression on her face he had approximately two seconds before she slammed the door on him, "and why" she replied wearily "would I want to do that?"

Soul rolled his eyes; clearly she wasn't grasping the gravity of the situation.

"Maybe you misunderstand me…" he urged, Liz hoped that none of the neighbours were looking "it's with Kid. _Kid. _Who will attempt to stab her if she so much as moves a place setting."

"Uh-huh" he spluttered slightly, the reaction was about as far from what he expected as the earth was from Pluto.

"But…"

"I don't know why you'd think this would concern me Soul"

"Oh pfft! I'm sure you don't!" there was a deadly silence as the scythe realised that there was a line somewhere, and he'd just pole vaulted over it.

"If you're going to be like that" hissed the demon gun, moving to slam the door closed, Soul wedged his foot rather painfully into the gap.

"Aren't you jealous at all?!" he exclaimed, trying and failing to squeeze in through the post slot.

"If you are trying to manipulate me, it's not going to work" seethed the female weapon, successfully managing to remove the scythe from the doorframe with a well placed kick "Kid has had plenty of chances with women before and I don't see Maka as a threat. Goodbye."

Soul was left on the cobbled stones outside, matching bruises on his backside and ego.

Women were terrifying beasts…

--

--

--

--

Maka was having an absolutely amazing time. Or rather…she had been. He'd opened doors, pulled out chairs, engaged in witty banter, assaulted only two seating arrangements and had even ordered them the most expensive food on the menu.

Then of course everything had to go down hill…

That stupid waiter just _had _to trip on the snag in the carpet, he just _had_ to spill sauce over the woman behind them and she just _had _to scream and flail sending pieces of sorbet sailing through the restaurant and karma ultimately determined that all of this just _had _to ruin a small portion of Maka's dress…

Kid promptly lunged across the table, screaming about the balance at the top of his lungs – pulling a sponge and stain remover out of seemingly thin air.

"AHA!" Soul, who was formerly a decorative scythe on the wall behind them, roared in triumph, dragging the hyperventilating Shinigami off his innocent meister. "How dare you try and defile Maka's honour!" he went on, Kid looked rather bemused and the other customers coward in terror.

"I assure I would ask for her hand in marriage so her honour would not be at stake…twice…once for each hand so we were symmetrical" Soul looked like he was about to have an aneurism.

"Oh well…if you are willing to go along with the correct protocol – wait! No that is absolutely not ok!" Soul seemed to revive his hatred of his new arch nemesis "How dare you think that Maka would stoop so low as to marry…_you_!"

"Erm…No objections?" the poor girl muttered, looking from the rabid Soul to the waving Kid.

"What on earth did you _DO!_? You…you…MAN-WHORE!" Kid blinked in confusion, Maka's jaw became unhinged and the high class eatery suddenly became a ghost town.

"Soul what on earth-" Maka groaned, why on earth couldn't she get a normal weapon? Kid mouthed the words 'man-whore' under his breath, the look of pure bewilderment never once leaving his face.

"Sir, you're disrupting what little customers we have left…" the poor waiter (sucker) pleaded as the scythe began to froth rather prominently from the mouth.

"Are you suggesting I'm acting irresponsibly?!"

From the other side, the safer side, of the restaurant a diner muttered 'stupid horny teenagers…' a little to loudly.

"I am not sexually promiscuous!" Soul bellowed, Maka wondered if she'd be able to get that on a t-shirt but her musings were cut short as she was yanked upright by her armpits only to be dragged off in the general direction of the exit, muttering the whole time.

"Darn god's of death, think they can go about cradle snatching!"

"Have you lost it!?" Maka squealed, digging her boots into the carpet.

"-with his big playboy mansion and flying skateboard-"

"Soul!" she attempted, trying to drag the boy out his downward spiral of insanity.

"I suppose short walks would be allowed…maybe Black Star could escort you…"

"Call me!" Kid quipped merrily, Soul spun on his heel – the phrase 'if looks could destroy civilization as we know it' sprung to mind.

"Stay away from her you freak!" Maka, finally at her breaking point, yanked herself free of her weapons grasp and stormed outside – completely mortified, Soul cast one more scathing look toward the very smug Shinigami before kicking over a chair, tilting two pictures frames and ripping the leaves off a potted plant.

Then he left.

Kid twitched, lifting up the table cloth on the booth next to his.

"You owe me money Liz" he stated simply to his two cramped up weapons.

"Tch…gambling is not a very attractive hobby" the elder sister grunted, trying to remove Patti's elbow from her ribcage.

"You started the bet, you said he'd never get it" pointed out the Death god evenly, Liz harrumphed and glared at the wall opposite.

"I'm not the one fooling around with flat-chested girls, Kid" she then pulled the cloth back down leaving Kid with a funny little smile on his face.

* * *

_Boom? _


	4. SoulMaka: Touchy Feely

**Title: **Touchy Feely

**Pairings:** Soul/Maka

**Author: **XFiercexxx (aka Sierra)

**Warnings: **Major OOCness...and angst..ish? This is a little too high school to me.

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--

-

--

---

Soul is cool. Soul is collected. Soul definitely does not share.

...He also has no idea what he's doing.

---

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-

--

---

Soul is many things, but touchy feely he is not. He isn't into that bullshit unless it's in the literal sense.

That is why it came as a surprise to Maka when she came home to the apartment they'd shared since they were thirteen to find him sitting on the sofa, hands clasped in front of his face and grim crimson eyes staring straight ahead at the television that was not on.

He looked up at her footsteps and seemed to second guess himself for a moment as she looked at him in confusion.

That in itself should have been a warning sign. Soul never hesitated. Ever. He was always sure of the path he was on.

He took a deep breath, like he was about to say something but the words failed him, never leaving his throat. He stood up and took a few steps toward her, trying again. Failing.

Now Maka was getting impatient.

"I love you," he finally said as if choking on the three syllables, like it took physical exertion to actually get the words out of his mouth.

Now a normal woman would have done the following: Jumped into his arms and kissed him senseless, whispering the same amorous words right back. But Maka never claimed to be a normal woman. Her reaction was fear.

Throughout her life she'd seen what those words did to a person. What should have been her primary example of adoration and devotion; her parents, turned to travesty. She'd seen her friends get their hearts broken when their put them on the line and she'd felt heartbreak at the mercy of her unwillingly inflicting father.

But this was different; this was soul. Someone she'd been dating (if you could call it that) for over a year, someone she trusted with her life, and someone she had loved in a very different way before it all. This was someone she had infinite trust in.

...But had her mother not trusted her papa the same way?

Maka still didn't know what to say.

So many different parts of her screamed to say something. Anything.

He shook his head and looked away. "Damnit Maka, I can't keep doing this," he felt like she was stringing him along, "Does any of it mean anything to you?!"

He looks so lost. He's finally said it. He can't do anything more. Something between them has changed, _they've_ changed in the past year. Its not as easy as it used to be. Whether that's a good or bad thing he doesn't know and there's _nothing_ more her can do. But there's something _she_ can.

She wants so badly to say the words back. Because they're true but her heart and body are braced for impact, she's seen what love can do to a person.

Then she remembers all that trust that she had in him had done for her, made her into, helped her do. The trust they had in each other as partners had rewarded not only her but him as well again and again.

So she takes a chance and ignores reason.

"I love you too."

_Because you have never known love until you've loved _without _reason._

**A/N: ...Yeah I'm a little ashamed too. Insane OOCness that is horrifying. -.-**

**Reviews anyway? -pouts cutely- pwetty pwease?  
**


	5. ErukaKid: with benefits?

**Title: **with benefits?  
**Summary: **Death the Kid really hated female logic...a lot.  
**Pairing(S): **KidEruka  
**Length: **581…xD What the hell happened? xD  
**Author: **Pippin's Sock's.  
**Notes: **I love making complete crack couples sound relatively plausible.

_

* * *

_

"I think you're hot."

"What?"

"No, really. I mean…_phwoar._"

Kid blinked once, twice, and made a very big show of moving the glass the young lady was drinking out of further away from her.

"We should hook up."

"No. No we shouldn't" the poor Shinigami reasoned, for once in his life the voice of rationality.

"We should!" she insisted, spinning on the bar stool she was sat on, leaning far too close, their elbows rubbing together as she spoke.

"I'll humour you…" the soon to be Shinigami-without-annoying-Kid-tagged-onto-the-end mused, hoping that if he at least pretended to be interested the crazy witch, frog, woman, _thing _would leave him alone, "Why?"

"Because, you're _hot_" he gave the woman a very dry stare, failing not to look as smug as he actually felt.

"Do you do this to all the men you meet in bars?" she giggled, playing with the olive at the bottom of his glass.

"No. Well, yes but hey…if you want something, why wait?"

"That's dangerous reasoning."

"I like danger," she cooed, flicking a stray strand of hair off his jacket, restoring it to its perfectly symmetrical glory.

"If I recall correctly…" he drawled, allowing a brief smirk of sadism that Fraken Stein himself would be proud of, to grace his lips, "you were the one in hysterics at the Kisshin revival."

Her smile dissolved into a pout, she haughtily spun round, nose in the air, before adding "you were the one who freaked out over a statue."

"Touche."

"So…?"

"No." She was back to facing him within seconds, a look of pure melodramatic agony on her features.

"But…we're both so well dressed!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well…" she began, helping herself to a sip of the drink he hadn't actually touched all evening, not that it made _any _difference anyway, "Soul and Maka are like the most aggressive right?" Kid nodded, albeit reluctantly, "and Tsubaki and Black Star and the most paradox right?" another slow and indisposed jerk of the head, "So clearly we need to get together to, being the best dressed here."

She nodded in agreement with herself; Kid decided he loathed female logic.

"That…well…you and I…" Kid floundered, not liking the self-satisfied smirk that was slowly making its way across her features, "I _can't_" stressed the poor boy "chichiue would…ruin my hair!" he gestured to the now fully aligned sanzu lines, he'd celebrated for about 2 months and far more memorably during a life and death battle with Noah when the epic occasion finally occurred.

Fully symmetrical at last…

"We'd match more! My hair's blue!" he was about to ask how that made any plausible sense when she ploughed on, "and your eyes match my hat, we both love explosions and our outfits even colour coordinate!" She nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Aren't opposites supposed to attract?" Kid mused.

"Tch, are you saying you and Medusa should go out?" his eyes bulged out his head slightly at the thought, before he allowed a small chuckle to escape his lips.

"Plus this is what a friend would do!"

"We aren't friends-"

"Something more?"

"No!"

"In between?"

"What on earth does that-mmph" Even through her slightly alcohol induced romance Eruka was a decent kisser and for someone taken by surprise Kid certainly knew what he was doing, though the poor boy would never be able to explain how the witch ended up in his lap…

"Sexy friends," Eruka stated seriously, Kid nodded weakly.

"Sexy friends…"


	6. StarKid: Anime Logic

**Title: **anime logic  
**Summary: **There is a good reason why Black Star is stripping Kid in public...no really!  
**Pairing: **StarKid  
**Author: **Pippin's Socks  
**Length: **1,319  
**Comments: **So. Much. Fun.

* * *

Kid knew he was in for a bad day, he just knew it and the world clearly hated him as it was – what, with his asymmetrical hair and dysfunctional family but today really took the bakery.

There he was, minding his own perfectly symmetrical glory in the lunch hall of Shibusen, when out of the blue Black Star sat down opposite him…

After a few awkward seconds of silence, in which Black Star somehow managed to stay perfectly noiseless, Kid cleared his throat.

"Are you…lost?" he muttered, "I'm sure the people who actually like you are sat over there…" he gestured to the other tables with his spoon; the ninja didn't so much as twitch.

Kid began to wonder if the boy was even _breathing _anymore…

He took a risk and prodded the other boy, who slapped his hand away and instantly resumed his one way staring contest with what appeared to be Kid's jacket…

"You are starting to annoy me Black Star…" Kid ground out, preparing to stand up and move if the idiot didn't tell him what was going through that thick head of his.

"Where…"

"What?"

"Where does it…_go?_" the assassin muttered, a look of pure unhealthy frustration and mild fascination adorning his features.

"Where does what go?" Kid mumbled, not really liking the unfamiliar, calculating look in his fri- _acquaintances_ eyes. He decided to grab a fork…just in case.

"It's just not right! How can you have a greater secret than I?!" Black Star suddenly erupted, making Kid jolt in surprise and the rest of the cantina pull out their protective helmets.

"I don't _know _what you're talking about!" the poor Shinigami hissed, "Please sit down people are staring!"

"It's in your sleeve isn't it…" the tanned boy muttered darkly, rubbing his chin and nodding in agreement with himself, suddenly exploding with victorious laughter, Kid regretted existing...for the fifth time that day and it was only lunchtime "Death the Kid!" black star announced dramatically, "_**Take off your clothes**_!"

"…WHAT?!" Kid's jaw was on the floor, swimming amongst the remains of his internal organs that he'd just hacked up.

The rest of the school all simultaneously spat out what they were drinking.

"You heard me! Take 'em off!" Kid's left eye began twitching, the odd brave soul pulled out a camera to video the moment…

"Are you…_insane?!" _the newly recovered Shinigami managed to wheeze, Black Star for once looking deadly serious.

"You won't do it? Fine! I will!"

"Don't you dare!" Kid yelped attempting to leap away from the table only to get tackled to the ground by the enthusiastic other boy, "get your hands off my shirt Black Star!"

Stein, who had absentmindedly been walking down the corridors, musing over the idea of buying a turkey sandwich, ground to a halt outside the lunch hall, spun on his heel and determinedly marched in the other direction.

He was not going to be the one to tell Shinigami-sama that's for sure…

"Damn Kid why do you have so many layers on?" Black Star grumbled, trying and failing to remove the other boy's jacket but the flailing Shinigami was making it surprisingly difficult.

"Shouldn't we help him?" Tsubaki muttered weakly, watching as Kid managed to scramble free for a grand total of 3 seconds before the assassin was upon him once more.

"Are you kidding?" Soul muttered "this is the coolest thing to happen all year!" Maka despairingly slapped a hand to her forehead, only to jerk back up again at the sound of ripping fabric.

Kid had somehow managed to loose his shoes and was currently stood on top of one of the disposal units, one of his sleeves missing entirely…one and only one.

"Oh dear…" Liz muttered, Kid let out an extraordinary shriek, unable to correct the atrocity Black Star afflicted on his clothing he merely ditched the jacket completely. Black Star looked confused.

"So it's not in the jacket huh…" he muttered, trade mark grin soon adorning the majority of his face once more, "No worries! I, the great Black Star, will solve this mystery!"

"What _mystery!_" Kid almost sobbed, "Hasn't my sanity suffered enough?" the poor boy went on, nearly in tears at this point.

"Take off your trousers Kid!" Black Star bellowed, ignoring the rest of what felt like the entire world, several females in the audience fainted from blood loss.

"_NO!_" Kid roared in response, making a flying squirrel leap as the other boy attempted to grab his ankles, "why don't you take off _your _clothes and let everyone stare at you!" seethed the young Shinigami. He would need _millenniums _of therapy after this…

Having miscalculated the distance between the disposal unit and the row of tables, Kid found himself tumbling to the floor, not even noticing the spatters of dirt steadily forming on his shirt, all to focused on _running for his life. _

Black Star was there in the blink of an eye, making a wild grab at the other boy, managing in only sending them both to the floor, Black Star straddling Kid – hands trying to restrain the squirming Shinigami.

"What's going on here!?" Sid barked the assembled – not to mention fascinated – students all jerked back to reality, "you know the rules! No fighting without a supervisor!"

A flash of panic crossed both boys' features; they couldn't get in trouble…_again. _They'd be screwed royally if they lost what souls they had managed to gather…

"We weren't fighting!" Black Star blurted out, Sid raised a disbelieving eyebrow "I was erm…proclaiming my great and powerful love for Kid!" the silence following the statement was deafening.

"…what?" Sid muttered in shock.

"_What?!" _hissed the extremely murderous Shinigami he was currently sat on.

"Yep! That's right! I'm a god! He's a god! It was meant to be!" Kid was trying to discover whether or not it was actually possible to die of mortification.

"Prove it," some complete arsehole – most probably female – yelled from the safety of the crowd.

"Ok!"

"_Hell. No." _Kid spat, he'd already lost his dignity, his left sleeve and his trousers. He refused to loose his first kiss as well. He had to draw a line.

But apparently his opinion on the matter was irrelevant as the next thing he was aware of was Black Star's face coming dangerously close to his, Kid managed to free one hand and stop the other boys, what could only be described as, assault.

"Touch me and you-mmph" he forgot how persistent the stupid assassin could be when he wanted something.

There was an awed silence within the hall and the scattered sound of clicking cameras. It was only a quick kiss but that was probably the safest move by the tanned boy, any longer and Kid may have attempted to bite his lips off out of rage.

"Well…erm…I can see you were telling the truth…just be less noisy about it next time!" Sid attempted to chastise, Tsubaki dragged her jaw back up from New Zealand, Liz and Patti just blinked in awe, Soul had fallen asleep and Maka was busy rubbing her temples and wondering why she insisted on staying with these idiots.

"Right! Now that's over!" Black Star set about on his previous mission - that was until Kid floored him, complete rage taking over his system.

"What, pray tell, are you looking for!" barked the Shinigami "if you don't give me a straight answer I will prove that it is possible to spear through someone's brain with a sock!"

"I was curious…where do you fit Beelzebub?"

The population of Death City promptly collapsed in defeat.

* * *


	7. SoulMaka: As the Saying Goes

**Title: As the Saying Goes**

**Pairing: Soul/Maka and minor Kami/Spirit**

**Author: Xfiercexxx (Aka Sierra)**

**Warnings: um…don't take it literally…it would be awkward.**

**A/N: ****To you lovely fans who are getting sick of Pip's crack (kidding…is that even possible?) Heres some pure unadulterated fluff which is seriously not the kind of person I am. I swear!**

**--**

**-**

**--**

They say you marry your mother.

Soul conjured up the image of his mother in his mind. Stark white hair pulled back tightly in a _too perfect_ bun that pulls at her only barely darkened face, slanting her bright green eyes that she passed on to his brother Richard.

Maka has green eyes.

He shakes the thought out of his head. Evangeline, Maka is not.

But then again he doubts he _could_ stand another woman in his life just like his dear mommy.

"MAKA?! Is that a girl? Where did you meet her? Is she cute? Smart? Have you kissed yet? Oh _please_ tell Mommy you've been using protection!"

"MOM!"

X-x-X

They say you marry your father.

Maka sincerely hopes that that's a lie because she doesn't think she can take being abandoned again.

She thinks of her mother as she led her by the hand out the door of their former home for the final time. She remembers her father's expression of desolate hurt, as if _he'd_ been the one betrayed. She remembered that despite that she'd worried for her Papa too; over what he might do.

Etched into her brain is Kami's face as they stood at the curb waiting for the taxi. She had looked up as the lighter blond hair of her mother fell around her face like a curtain as she laughed through her tears.

Maka remembers being barely fourteen and staring solemnly ahead, hardening her heart and praying it would get better with time.

After that, barely a week later she reentered Shibusen and reunited with her extremely worried weapon.

Soul was the first man she let back into her life.

Because he was everything her father wasn't and he was willing to put his life on the line to protect her, he was willing to joke and be normal around her then turn around and be serious the next moment.

But most of all…he was _there_.

There when she needed him.

X-x-X

They suppose the saying _could_ be true. They don't think they'll ever know.

Because marriage to them is something fleeting and temporary, it proves nothing; it's a piece of paper easily burned and easily made.

And because they aren't looking for marriage. They're looking for forever.

The truth is that you _may_ marry someone like your parents. You may not.

But your parents, you most certainly are not.

**A/N: Yay for Yoda speak.**

**Dunno, I think it turned out okay.**

**But since I know Soul Eater fans are infamous for not reviewing and just faving and alerting ill ask this:**

**Pretty please with a cherry on top? I would LOVE some critique right now y'know? Some real criticism? Please?**

**Btw I know some things are wrong but I'm not up to date on the manga. Just the anime.**

**-Sigh- oh well, cant say I didn't try hahaha :D**


	8. StarMaka: Screaming Match

**Title: **Screaming Match  
**Author: **Sierra (aka XFiercexxx)  
**Pairing: **BlackStar/Maka for fluffypenguinscandy who requested it.  
**Note: **Meh… Not much of a comeback fic but it was fun to write.  
**Disclaimer:** Two words: Shirtless Soul.

--

-

--

Black Star wonders if maybe she was dropped on her head as a baby.

Maka really wonders the same thing. I mean…His family wasn't exactly mentally stable…it's completely plausible.

He's too loud, she confides in Tsubaki, how do you stand him?

She's too angry, he proclaims way too loudly, and her chest is too flat. Who would ever like her? Before he could say 'Nyahaha' a Swahili dictionary cracked against his skull. Where she got one of those…in hardcover no less, he'll never know.

His laugh is obnoxious.

She thinks she's smarter than everyone.

He's too cocky.

She couldn't possibly be stronger than him.

He's all bark, no bite.

She's all bite no bark.

He really hates her.

She really hates him.

And thus a friendship is born.

--

They started hanging out when Black Star needed help on a test and Maka, motivated by Tsubaki's insistence that he really wasn't all _that_ bad, offered to tutor him.

As it turns out when he isn't doped up on sugar or around the guys he really _is_ funny instead of obnoxious.

It continued when he asked her if she needed help with her basketball shot after they all played one day. "Your aim sucks," he'd said and placed her hands on the ball properly, "Like this stupid."

As it turns out. When someone actually bothers to teach her how to play she's pretty damn scary to play against in one on one.

--

They aren't each others first kisses. Maka's first kiss is Soul. So is Black Star's… but that's a story for another day.

They're first kiss together is when Soul steals the last slice of pizza and Black Star lunges at him. He ducks and the assassin lands directly on Maka.

Needless to say they were the butt of many jokes.

--

None of the others really understand how they got together. Or how they stand each other really.

He says she keeps him in line.

She says he can beat her papa in a screaming match.

They aren't really the best of liars.

**A/N: Meh, short and cute. I like it anyway even if the pairing isn't very me.**

**I'm back baby!**

**-Sierra*~**


	9. MakaSoul: notes optional

**Title: **notes optional  
**Summary: **Soul proclaims his undying love for Maka...or he would do if Kid dropped the pen and Black Star stopped scribbling dirty innuendo. **Pairing: **SoulMaka.  
**Author: **THE SOCK!  
**Length: **909  
**Comments: **I was a poet and I didn't know it.

* * *

_Soul///_**Kid///**Star///The pen  
(This will make sense in about two seconds)

* * *

Dear…

_(…nah to formal…)_

--

My heart?

(GAY!) 

_(Go drown.)_

_--_

Tiny-Tits!

_(She'd just hit me…a lot.)_

--

You.

(**Too direct)**

_(Yeah…wait what?!)_

--

Idiot.

(_Yeah. Perfect.)_

--

(_Ahem.)_

_Soul's Letter of Awesome…__(_Fail)_ (_**Make the 'O' Caps so it's symmetrical…)**

Idiot.

I don't know how to tell you this…

(**Aren't you being a little too blunt? Idiot is not the way to **_**woo **_**a lady!)**

_(Get your own letter!)_

(Take my amazing advice! I, who have slept with 100, no, 1000 women-)

ANYWAY! Like I was saying:

_DEAREST IDIOT _**(much better) **I don't know how to tell you this (with a letter…duh…) but I've started to erm…well…

(Soul and Maka kissing in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!) 

(_Don't you guys have a tall object to be hanging yourselves from?!)_

You and I have known each other for such a long time now…**(a year.) **

(_A year and a bit douche!)_

(Dude that's it? HAH! Mine is a higher number than yours!)

(_Yeah but mine's __one__ so shut up.)_

(Damn it) 

**(So it **_**was**_** just a year?) **

MOVING ON!

In that (short) time I feel like we have gotten to know each other and stuff…I just needed to tell you that…

…

(**That?)**

(THAT?!) 

My friends are nosey assholes.

(You cut me deeply Soul…)

**(At least I can proclaim my love to women. Unlike you romantically impaired asymmetrical idiots.)**

(That's not very nice…)

_(Yeah. Black Star's not impaired…oh no wait.)_

(Ass)

_(Asymmetrical idiot! Oh…wow…that sounds great to say, I can see why you do that now.)_

**(…)**

Anyway…

That…erm…well…you…when I eat my cereal and it gets all soggy I think of you and remind myself to keep on going. **(Point. Proven) **(mmmm…cereal…) 

_(You do better then! Prissy rich boy…)_

**(Fine. Give me the pen…)**

(This. Will. Be. Epic) 

--

Maka,

It hasn't been very long since we first met, I know it was all very vague and not explained properly but the main point is that when we met we had a connection, whether through my music, or some silly twist of destiny.

We found- (GAY. GAY!) 

**(What?!)**

(My turn now!) 

--

Lesser being!

I! The great Bl-Soul Eater Evans, have chosen _you _to be my mate!

ACCEPT!

Kthxbi

Soul

Xx

P.S. Kid's like's men (**Not as much as your mother) **_(guys wtf!)_

(MUM'S DEAD! HAH!) 

_(I refuse to send either of those. Pen to ME!)_

--

_Take 2_

Dearest Idiot,

You swing my scythe if you get my-

_(BLACK. STAR!)_

(Kid's laughing.)

_(Kid's on drugs, give me the pen!)_

--

_3_

Maka-Baka,

Roses are red,

Violet's are blue,

Nothing rhymes with symmetry,

And Soul loves you.

(_…I hate you guys.)_

**(It rhymed. Don't be picky)**

(…butterfree, tree, me, lee, pee…)

(_Thank you Dr. Seuss.)_

--

5

(**It's 4 you retard.)**

(I reinvented the alphabet! 5 comes before 4!)

**(No comment)**

_(Guys…just. give. Me. The. PEN!)_

Idiot,

I know you aren't interested in romance, least of all right now in the middle of a WAR but my hormones are retarded and threw themselves into the forefront of my mind when I least suspected.

**(…Soul. You walked in on her)**

_(So?)_

**(Naked.)**

_(And?!)_

**(By breaking down the door…)**

_(…that proves nothing.)_

(HAH! I _NEVER_ get caught!)

**(Same.)**

_(…)_

(wait…what?)

**(Did I say something?)**

Anyway…(_o.o) _moving on…

I was never very interested (LIES) in you, for starters you weren't **(just huge breasts) **anywhere near my type and your dad was a lunatic.

(Yeah that man has issues…)

**(glare)**

(What?)

_(Look who's talking Mr and Mrs Hypocrite!)_

**(My father's perfectly sane!)**

(Who's the 'Mrs'?)

Our lives haven't been easy (No shit) and I'm surprised we're even alive right now after all the insanity **(oh the puns) **that's happened to us.

I know you hate guys (Like a fat chick hates exercise!) and I'm not exactly (as beautifully stunning and ethereally handsome as the dynamic purity known as Black Star)

_(…you got Kid to tell you the 'fancy' words didn't you?)_

(NO!) **(Yes.) **(YOU LIKE MEN!)

-what you'd call 'the perfect catch'. **(His hairs asymmetrical for a start…) **but I like the way you cook and…you fight well and don't take rubbish from anyone else, not even Stein, and when you do crazy crap like throw yourself into a hug for Chrona you nearly make me swallow my own tongue in terror but that's what makes you…

_(Are you guys CRYING?!) _

(Men don't cry!)

**(Feel free to bawl then Star) **

(…MISMATCHING SANZU LINES!) 

**(****aohfahirahr…oa-£!&?!---) **

…

_(Oh great. He's dead. Nice one.)_

(Go back to writing emo poetry in your margin, hair band boy) 

(_It's a war band! For the last time!) _

(Keep telling yourself that, maybe people won't think you're more effeminate than Kid) 

**(Hey!) **

(I thought you were dead?)

**(I was, then I remembered how much I needed to do this)**

(what? OW! God damn it!)

_(HAH!)_

**(My work here is done.)**

(YOU SHOT ME! IN THE FOOT!)

**(Hold still so I can get the other one) **

Where was I? Oh yes, you, as usual, because my (**our)** whole life (**lives)** seems to revolve around you.

Well…I just wanted to tell you…

The remote's under the sofa.

Enjoy!

Soul x.

…

(…what?)

**(…well I feel sheepish…)**

_(What did you guys expect? A love letter?!)_

**(Just put the table down Star and walk away…)**

--


	10. ArachneSoulMaka: Fact of the Matter

**Title: **Fact of the Matter

**Author: **XFiercexxx

**Genre: **...General?

**Pairing: **ArachneSoul I guess if you're into that. But also SoulMaka if you want to see it that way…I cheated XD

**Note: **We literally picked this pairing out of a hat. I kid you not. We got some wacked out pairings and Kid wouldn't stop being such a manwhore the silly boy so we took him out eventually.

--

-

--

---

The fact of the matter is that Soul pities her.

She is angry, mean and alone. Her only family constantly plots against her. The world hates her. And not only is every Meister and Weapon out to get her but in all honesty (and there's no kind way to put it) she got owned by her supposed 'One True Love' or some crock like that.

So she's been having a pretty crappy week no doubt.

Soul wonders how Arachne came to be this way in the first place; how it was that all witches turned out more and more evil the older they grew in general really. He'd only ever known one exception to the rule and she was just a kid…which further proved his point.

He wonders if maybe they were all just raised that way. Or maybe it was a cult thing; being corrupt old hags and all.

Maybe, he surmises, the whole 'power destroys' thing is true and that the sheer pull that the strength of magic has can pull anyone over the edge into the abyss of greed and what are dubbed as 'evil' ways.

He doesn't want to think about what that means for him and his partner.

Whatever it is, Soul doesn't really blame or resent them as much as he probably should.

He can't honestly believe it's all their fault.

Unfortunately he forgets all this; his newfound wisdom, sympathy, empathy and mature understanding the moment he sees Maka bleed.

**Note: **Theres a reason it's so short: its ArachneSoul for petes sake. What else the hell am I supposed to do?! And you though I could right anything Pip! –sob- Anyway, I cheated, I know.

Reviews anyway? I promise I'll try and get out an actual noncrack pairing next if I get more than five. See? Not so much! I blame all of you for spoiling us -..- you should be ashamed.


	11. Family: Inkling

**Title: **Inkling

**Author: **Sierra (XFiercexxx)

**pairings: **Implied SoulMaka

**Note: **Anyone see the new RAW ep? Can canon get any more obvious than that? Their names are litterally written all over the box his `soul` is lept it. Can you saw awwww? Yeah, me neither. :P

--

-

--

---

Is there a way to fully explain the love someone has for their family? To fully express exactly what it feels like, what it is to feel so strongly. How do you explain a mother`s adoration, a sister`s wonder, a daughter`s resentment? How do you express it all to begin with.

Spirit looks at Maka and sees many things, feels many things; he sees the future he might have had if he wasn't so completely stupid, he feels it`s loss so deeply that the feel of a cavity inside his very core feels like it will never leave and nothing could ever fill it or take it`s place. He loves her so very much and no daughter will ever know just _how_ much.

He has an inkling of what his only offspring feels for him. Hate, betrayal, and resentment to name a few. What he doesn't know is the unadulterated love and devotion that she wishes wasn't there. She knows he doesn't deserve it but she would die for him. She loves him so very much that it hurts and she cant stop and there`s nothing really left to do anymore but forgive. Eventually she might really get there.

Spirit knows that there are people who love his daughter differently than he does just as much and just the ways she deserves. Friends who show the wonder and care of siblings and someone who`s eyes reflect what he once saw in a mirror every time he cared to look; those eyes belong to someone willing to be there when she needs him, who could argue with her one moment, joke with her the next then worship her without her even knowing. Someone who`s love cannot be expressed with words.

Unfortunately this person who should be so deserving of his Maka isn't good with words, wont or cant tell her everything. He isn't expressive but somehow that`s okay with her. This person can be conceited, hard headed, rude and uncouth. But he is still a better man than Spirit could ever hope to be again.

He just hopes that even though words seem to fail them all time and time again, it will all turn out alright and they`ll just know.

He`ll give them a nudge now and then until then.

What form that nudges take _really_ depends on his mood.

**Note 2.0: **Erm... We love you guys...really we do. We wrote SoulArachne for cripes sake -.- Request anything, we can write anything but first you gotta drop a line here. We actually have a goal to reach but we can`t do it without your help! So critique would be awesome. Requests: even better! Yaoi and Yuri are welcome....sorta. Just don't go requesting any random guy on guy action. I`ve seen the archives -shudders- There are some strange things `round these parts.


	12. LizKid: Therapeutic

**Title: **Therapeutic

**Author: **Sierra (aka Xfiercexxx)

**Pairing: **Liz/Kid

**Note: **Holy guacamoley.... You do realise we got about twenty reviews for the last chapter right? Think you guys can top that? Cause that would make you the most epic readers ever. (Not blackmailing, just pursuading). Your requests are much appreciated but I started writing this before we got any so I did this one for me just to prove I could XD

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-

--

---

Death the Kid was a simple man-boy....whatever, with simple tastes. The shelving had to be even, the paintings in his home straight, his suit wrinkle and stain free and his hair perfectly congruant to his facial features.

He wasn't big on fancy, after all, his magically appearing umbrella and his precious Beelzebub kept in accordance with this.

He didn't like elaborate things; his home (mansion) was simply standard, not too showy, just symmetrical.

So when he came home to find his casual, un-elaborate, simple home completely different than how he left it he was furious (after he went into post-traumatic shock that is) "WHO WOULD DO THIS?!" he heard a high pitched shriek of surprise of such frequency that it temporarily deafened his ears. "Liz! How could this happen?! It's horrible!"

"Kid?" A jean clad half of his artillery tested the waters uncertainly. Her partner was twitching and a quite unhealthy shade of green had tinted his face.

"W-what is this?" he looked around at the sideways facing statues, the non equilateral triangular designs on the walls, the crooked paintings, the random items littering the floor of- what the hell kind of bone was _that_?!

"Shock therapy."

"Excuse me?" he whimpered a little.

"Purple is so not your color." she said nervously, gesturing to the unhealthy shade his face has now taken on. "You look like a blueberry."

"Liz," he grit through his groans of sorrow and emo poetry, "What. Do. You. Mean. Shock. Therapy? This is all-!"

"DON'T SAY IT!" the fires of hell danced up from the ground to create the background of her horrific scaryface. "You aren't allowed to use the A word or the S word."

"At all?"

"At all."

"Why?" he curled up into a ball in the corner and began to rock back and forth.

"We're breaking you of a habit; your obsessive compulsive disorder." she laid a hand on his shoulder delicately. "You need help Kid. You have a problem."

"Do not." he murmured petulantly.

She leaned close to his face then hesitated, brushing his bangs aside.

"WHOAH! Time out!" he turned around and quick replaced his bangs before turning back to find her triumphant grin.

"See what I mean?"

"This proves nothing."

"Uh huh," she paused, "Well then, I'll just keep it all like this then."

He began to hyperventilate. "Nooooo!" he hugged her leg, "Please! I'll do anything."

"I'm trying to break your habit, not make deals."

He chocked and rocked some more. "I don't deserve to live."

"Fine, I'll make you a bet. If you can do 72 hours without saying the words symmetrical, asymmetrical, fixing someone's hair, clothes and/or facial features then I'll never intervene again. If you lose, it's back to shock therapy." she laughed evilly.

...Decisions decisions.... He weighed the options (evenly of course)

"I'll do it."

_1 hour later..._

"Ah, what a lovely day, I can wear what I want, I don't have to stuff my bra, Kid's behaving..."

-Twitch Twitch-

"It will all end if you go to therapy."

"Never!"

_Another hour later..._

"He-he-hello Death the Kid-san." Crona wheezed, rubbing her arm nervously as Kid glared at her bangs."

"You look like you just went through a blender." he snapped.

"What's that Kid?" Liz called, "Do I hear you fixing something?"

"No ma'am!" he replied, sulking.

_Another two hours later..._

"YAHOO!"

"..." The occupants of the school shivered, all simultaneously noticing the killing aura, "I just died a little on the inside." Shinigami's son whispered emotionlessly, "I hope that makes you happy when I'm gone Black Star." he clutched his chest.

The end is near...

_Three hours later...._

-Twitch-...-Blink- .... -Twitch- ... BOOM!

Yay for onomatopoeias.

"You asymmetrical bunch of -beep- morons, you disgust me in my perfect symmetrical greatness! NO I AM NOT LIKE BLACK STAR!!! Maka, fix your damn ponytail, ones higher than the other. Black Star, I WILL KILL YOU FOR RUINING THE -BEEP- SYMMETRICAL BEAUTY OF SHIBUSEN!! Soul! Your smile is crooked. Liz, stuff your bra! Crona CUT YOUR HAIR FOR CRIPES SAKE...!" he promptly fainted, dizzy from yelling. "There...I feel so much better." he groaned from the ground.

"All I said was sanzu lines." Patty blinked.

Liz laughed evilly. "Bwhahahahaha. Shock therapy here we come! Bwahahahah -hack-cough-hack-."

Kid finally lost it.

The apocolypse has come.

Run.

---

-

--

-

---

-Poke Poke- "Liz, I think you broke him."

**Note: **What I meant by 'to prove I could' was that I don't particularly like Liz…she sort of annoys me. But whatever. Thanks for reading!


	13. MifuneTsubaki: Cavernous

**Title: **Cavernous

**Author: **Sierra (XFiercexxx)

**Pairing: **Tsubaki/Mifune.

**Note: **I'm so sorry to the person who wanted Mifune/Marie but by the time I realized it would work for that pairing too I was too attached -sob- sorry. I hope this is close enough though because really Tsubaki and Marie have REALLY similar character traits. Anyway...on with it!

---

--

-

--

---

You stack your books ever so neatly and set them in your leather briefcase. Snapping it shut you look around the classroom and sigh happily. This is the place you were meant to belong in, of that you're sure. Children everywhere, smiling, happy and safe. You teach them and flourish in this enviroment. You wonder why you never did this sooner.

"Mifune-chan," A high, squeeky voice breaks through the internal soliloquy going on in your mind. Little Angela is there holding the hand of a fellow teacher. Your colleague smiles her sweet, serene smile and ushers the tiny witch towards you. "I got lost on my way to visit Patty-chan and Liz-chan but Tsubaki-chan found me so it's okay!" Angela hugs your leg and beams up at you while you laugh.

"It's very strange Mifune-san," Tsubaki says, "You are so different now than you used to be."

You shake your head and humor the young woman, "Tsubaki-sensei, I am no different than before but with all due respect ou and your young ... _partner_ were my enemies then." You think of the blue haired boy who once wielded the Death Scythe. He was obnoxious, selfish, rude. Oh so different from the sweet tempered woman you've come to know and see before you.

She becomes flustered and red and you laugh because she is what you think Angela will one day grow to be. So similar the two girls, but Angela was luckier than Tsubaki you think; she had someone quieter and more understanding who listened to her once in a while whereas Tsubaki had _him_. A selfish brat of a boy who couldn't care less what she wanted. It was unjust and he wondered just how she could have done it for five long years.

"Why did you do it?" you ask her, never pushing or accusing, coming off as simply curious. Angela looks up at the two of you blinking, innocent and ignorant.

"Do what Mifune-san?" She had been about to turn to leave but turned her back to the door now.

"How could you stay that boys partner for so long?"

She looks at her feet, again blushing red. "I've been asked that before." you sense the stinginess even if it doesnt show in her tone. "After all, who else would? But he was a good boy, sweet in his own way and I found that I liked to listen."

"He was selfish," you declare, "he betrayed you and the rest as well. How do you speak so highly of him when you should resent him above everyone else?" It outrages you what he has done.

Her fingers trace the scar of a once present tattoo on her skin, mingling with the remains of a blade slash. "You forgive the people you love." she pauses and looks out into the rows of desks, not really seing them but a far away memory no doubt. "I couldn't really blame him. No one believed- they all thought he would turn out like his father. In a wa I think it was his way of getting bitter retribution, divine judgement from the _Great Black S_tar himself. In his mind I think he was just proving them right."

"He didn't deserve you." Or Maka-hakase, Soul-sama, Shinigami Kid-sama, Liz or Patty, but most of all _her_. "You gave him far more than should be right."

You wonder why life is so unfair, why when you meet such a kind, selfless person with so much baggage you just want to help and yet you're too late. You know that there was probably nothing you cuold have done in the face of an angry, self righteous, determined man such as him. But you could have tried and then maybe that guilty ache in your chest for Tsubaki-san would feel a little less hollow.

She approaches you slowly, each step and movement deliberate and sinuous as a ribbon blowing in the wind. Her comfortingly cool hands touch your cheek and she presses a sweet, chaste kiss to the corner of your mouth.

"Thank you for worrying about me."

She leaves quickly, blushing red, stumbling on his forgotten suitcase on the way out. And you wonder at how the hollow, guilt ridden, cavernous ache in your chest that you feel each time you encounter any of the faculty members retreats just a little bit into a much quieter echoe.

**---**

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**Note 2.0: **Critique and requests are still allowed.


	14. SoulMaka: Let it be

**Title: **let it be  
**Summary: **sometimes you marry the wrong person.  
**Paring: **Kid/Maka, Maka/Soul.  
**Author: **From the Sock with love!  
**Length: **1,421  
**A/N: **I wonder where the heck Pippin got the chapter title from?!!! ZOMG!? (Also, we are working on _all _your requests! Seriously, I have even done that MedusaMaka one Anon asked for...yeah. Can has love please?)

* * *

"You look beautiful Maka," Marie coos, watching the child spin elegantly on her podium where all he can see is a snowstorm of white and blinding realisation – so much so he has to start breathing deeply through his mouth.

(She looks _wrong.)_

"You really think so Marie-sensei?" the girl mutters as she nibbles on her bottom lip, twisting a runaway strand through her pale fingers, golden ends kissing the band now embedded there.

_No._

"Yes! He's a lucky man," she blushes and twirls some more, accepting yet not liking the praise and attention directed her way.

"What do you think?" it takes him a good few minutes to realize they were talking to him, even more to tear his eyes from the faded wall and stare at her.

"…breathtaking," her cheeks flood with colour and his stomach contorts with emotion he's not quite used to.

It feels a bit like defeat.

Swallowing to clear his painfully dry mouth, he nods – yes. Breathtaking.

Soul doesn't look again.

* * *

"She doesn't love him."

He stares at the frail woman before him, as if seeing her for the first time.

"He'll make her happy…" he mutters, not daring to let her in any further than the doorway – he felt exposed enough as it was in the dingy corridor with the lights the flicker and neighbours that hiss.

"That's not the same," Liz croaks, "it's not the same-" breaking she begins running an unsteady hand through her matted hair and Soul wonders if she'd said any of this to Kid, then remembers he wasn't supposed to care.

(Not anymore.)

"He'll keep her safe, it's for the best," he lists robotically and Liz's eyes suddenly sharpen and she recoils as if he stuck her.

"Tsubaki was right," she seethes, "this was _pointless_."

She slams the door; Soul catches the plaster rain in his hair and pretends he can't hear the sobbing.

* * *

Black Star did not care for cowards.

He punched Soul, hard, twice in the face and once in the stomach. Bringing the pitiful weapon to his knee's and spitting as the boy didn't even attempt to get back up again.

"…are you done?" Black Star grips the boy's hair, twisting it in the palm of his hands and brings their faces so close he could count the others eyelashes.

"She's miserable Evans, he's given everything and you're going to let it all burn out of some petty jealously," the scythe doesn't react and Black Star drops him in disgust.

"He'll protect her," (_like I couldn't) _for a second the assassin's eyes tear a hole in the weapons soul with the raw pity then he picks up his discarded bag and gives the boy a indifferent stare.

"_Pathetic." _

It starts to drizzle.

* * *

Soul never looked right in a tux, he looked too much like his (_beloved)_ brother and as he stared into the remains of his mirror he realized he looked a bit like a monster as well.

* * *

"Hi Maka…"

"_Soul?_" her voice is like a breath of fresh air and something tugs at the corner of his mouth, then he remembers he shouldn't care and his expression falls once more, _"I'm so happy – to hear from you_!_" _

She does, a dark part of his mind whispers, she sounds like she was waiting…

"Yeah well…" he is torn, again, he shouldn't be doing this…"it's been nice speaking with you-" he goes to hang up the phone, feeling foolish for even trying.

"_Wait!" _He does so, cursing all the while.

"Yes Maka?"

"_I've missed you Soul," _too sincere, you shouldn't have cared. It would have been easier if she hadn't of cared…

The silence, obviously, unnerves her.

"_Did you miss me?" _if he closed his eyes he could picture her – so he wrenches his lids open and stares at the static.

"…a bit," (_agonisingly, yes.) _

"_Oh…_" he programs out the disappointment, "_are you coming to visit?"_

"I…" he could see it now, her face lighting up and her stupid smile as she runs to- "no."

"_Oh…Kid said you wouldn't."_

"Oh?" he fails to keep the malice out his tone, "what else did _(darling_) Kid say?" she doesn't quite voice her hurt but when you merge souls with a person, you know reactions well.

"_He said…he said you needed time,"_ Soul tried to picture it, once more, Maka and Kid…but as usual the image never came…all the materialized was a blank space where his heart should have- _"Soul…you are coming to…to the…the-"_

"The wedding?"

"_Yes…" _

"…we'll see…" she giggles and Soul feels his heart to a funny little jig.

"_Funny." _

"Oh?"

"_He'd told me you'd say that as well," _Soul imagined Kid had taken a leaf out the 'all knowing shinigami' book. Maka laughed, he did not realize he said that out loud.

"I hope you're happy, together I mean…" there is an awkward silence.

"_I'm…happy…" _she whispers eventually and Soul remembers to breathe.

"Really?" he berates himself for the stupid question, wants to throw the phone now to end his own selfish sadism.

"_Yes. I am happy," _there is conviction in her words, she is, miraculously, happy. His failure did not change that…

"Good." _Liar. _

"_Soul…?" _

"Yes Maka?" why did he suddenly sound so hopeful? He wasn't supposed to _care._

"_Are you?" _his chest constricts and his tongue is suddenly glued to the lid of his mouth, _"Soul?" _she sounds worried, he doesn't like it when she sounds worried, "_Soul I have to go now…Kid is back…" _

He listens to the dial tone till morning.

* * *

The chairs are arranged perfectly, eight running horizontally every side, 888 in total, he would know, he counted them.

Guest after guest, laced up to keep up, dash past him, not even looking at him as he remains glued to the plastic (and slightly damp) chair.

It is only when a woman he doesn't recognise sits next to him does he realize what is about to happen.

"She's beautiful you know," the stranger begins conversationally, Soul scoffs. Maka was never anything _but._

"Of course," he grumbles instead, "the bride is always-"

"I was referring to the maid of honour," she gestures to a flushing Tsubaki and Soul taps a furious rhythm on the chair, looking anywhere but at the altar and woman next to him.

* * *

"…Soul."

"Kid…?" he doesn't look the same, he realizes, it had nothing to do with the joined sanzu lines, height increase or mob of security he had chasing around after him.

He looked…_ill. _

"We missed you at the rehearsal," you look ready to keel over…you are slurring as it is-"sorry for the reception, I tried to stop them." He doesn't need to say who.

"You…you look awful," he mutters, unable to help himself and to his shock Kid manages to pull off a wry smile.

"You are not one to be talking," he quips and for a second they are thirteen again and Soul is about to push the annoying death god down another hole for getting their collected soul's banned.

Then a bridesmaid accidently nudges the weapon and they are both back, Soul is burning and Kid is fading.

"You…are you alright?"

"It's hard, getting married to someone who doesn't love you. It apparently does not agree with me…" he says it so bluntly that even the eaves dropping old women jerk violently away, Soul looks away to, afraid of what he'll see if he turns back.

"Just…just take care of her alright…" Kid smiles and Soul's stomach twists, the gesture was not a friendly one.

"A weapon can do that," he chirps, "_without _a wedding band."

* * *

Maka is blinding with her faintly flushed cheeks, delicately curled hair and flowing dress that hugs her in all the right places. She takes Kid's hand in her own and nobody fails to notice the duo flinch.

_Nobody had died. _Soul wanted to spit, so why are so many in black…

"We are gathered-" Kid leans down, whispering something and subtly gesturing at the baited crowd and a smile of pure joy illuminates the girl…woman's face. He pretends he doesn't see the obvious glances thrown his way, tries to sink into the mass of formality.

He had his chance…

"Speak now or forever hold-" there seemed to be more people staring at him now, he could feel the glares on the back of his neck searing a hole into his brain.

He wanted not to care.

"I do," Maka whispered, Soul tried not to break.

Kid cupped her cheek-

"No you don't."


	15. Introspect: Cray Fish, Rain and Sleep

**Title: **Cray Fish, Rain and Sleep

**Author: **Sierra (XFiercexxx)

**Pairings: **Absolutely none.

**Note: **This is absolute NONSENSE. As my art teacher likes to say: MAKE SENSE OF IT!

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With all the insanity. Eventually even Medusa would snap, leaving vague warnings to a world that will never hear nor listen.

"Red roots rain,

Blood blinding break,

Lights like lively

Oceans of onwards,

Wistful winds whispering

Comforts.

Bam! Boom! Zing!

He who eats the fruit of temptation,

Who's eyes do wander from their place

In the head of the unworthy,

To covet the divine.

Time passes

The wounded do not heal,

For there is some blood

That does stain the hands and washes not

From the formerly innocent.

Cray fish swim underneath the currents,

Like veins under the skin so soft, so soft,

The lifeline leading to a destination,

A heart.

Red roots rain.

Rain down your unholy sins from the heavens.

Bam! Boom! Zing!

What? Where? Whirring, turning, spinning. Where, where?

Time passes.

Sand in the hourglass, sleep from the eyes,

Cray fish swim under the current.

Fighting, fighting, fighting for life.

Blood of he who eats the fruit of temptation.

The wounded do not heal for their veins are hidden,

Under skin so thick.

Time is running out.

Tick Tock, Tick Toc.

It was official. Medusa had lost her mind and was resorting to bad emo poetry to remain a main character.

**Note: **Oh my god…I just made an Abridged series reference….Ho shit.

It was supposed to be serious TT^TT


	16. MedusaMaka: Le tango de Desperia

**Title: **le tango de desperia  
**Summary: **Because she lives on destruction of the heroic.  
**Pairing(s): **MedusaMaka, Hints of SoulMaka  
**Author: **Pippin!  
**For: **Anon!  
**Comments: **erm yeah, so this is my attempt at MedusaMaka...I think Fierce did better on hers but she posted it on her own profile so yeah...here's mine xD Hints of everything and slight manga spoilers, if you _don't _know who _noah is DON'T read. (_cookies if you guess what i was listening to xD)  
**Length: **940

_Edit: _In regards to my previous work (the SoulMaka, KidMaka) a lot of you are asking about the ambiguous background...if you want to do your own be my guest, please inform us beforehand though and make sure you disclaim where you got the idea from xD

* * *

_Pretty people never lie, heroes should never die. _

* * *

Maka's breathing is shallow, her palms are sweating and she wishes so desperately to wipe them on her skirt, to wipe away the atrocity of failure.

When the blood runs down her cheek it is as if she melts.

Medusa is amused, she can see it in the slight sway of her hips and the slight upturn of her grotesque lips.

"A kiss for the victor?" she goads, with a deft movement the woman overturns Maka's shaking hand a places a small kiss on her wrist, feeling the fluttering sensation of a life hammering beneath the spun glass.

A knot constricts in the girls throat and she attempts to swallow.

She can still feel that chaste gesture, even now, as it rocks its way through her soul. She will not forget this moment; she swears it a hundred times over.

--

When Maka is enraged and powerless she bites her lip, curls and gnaws at the flesh until it is too pink, raw and broken that not even a quick lick would stop the bleeding.

Stein reprimands her for impulsive actions, for disregard and sedition (_hypocrite) _she cannot help but begin to bite down as the scent of that woman clings to his body.

He pats her on the shoulder and twists her toward the door and in the solace Maka thinks about propriety until it is stalking her dreams.

--

When Maka looks at the mutilated remains of what was once a simple garden snake she cannot stop the gasp of horror that escapes her lips and the bitter tears that clog her shaking body make her want to scream all the more.

She draws back sharply, dropping the crude weapon.

No one says what they see, but Maka is terrified.

No one speaks but a part of her wishes someone would.

--

"I can make it go away," Maka stares at him; the light of day was only just beginning to fade giving the balcony a red-golden hue. For a second Kid's eyes look eons older, then a cloud passes over and the illusion is gone.

"How?" It takes her a while to say, her worried face is carved deep into her skin and as she stares into the painted eyes of the angel she realizes deep down she knows exactly _how._

Almost tiredly Kid leans toward her, a takes her wrist gently in his chilled hands and ran a thumb over the burnt spot on her flesh.

"I can make you forget…" her muscles tense almost undetectably but this is Kid, and Kid see's everything. He takes her in his arms in a way that was reminiscent of her mother, cradling her loosely against his chest and his heartbeat is so slow and impossible to detect.

"Did you want to?" She whispers against his chest, his arms tighten for just a second, smiling wryly he lets her go with an expression she does not quite understand etched on his very soul.

"Perhaps," he says after a time, pretending to smile and think about his answer – staring into the distance as nostalgia ensnares his frame, dunking him deep into the memories he refused to divulge.

Her fingers wind through one another, her palms are surprisingly cold.

"2 months in that book," he eventually tells to them both, "2 months I would have spent no other way."

He shuts the door and goes, taking the light with him.

--

When Maka brings apples home from the grocers Soul makes a condescending noise in the back of his throat and fails not to flinch as the juice runs down her chin.

She is paler now, smaller – almost sunken in and as the boy runs a hand across her forehead he regrets not being strong enough to help her, she is sort of – blank. Empty. And she won't get out of bed when he tries to wake her up.

"Soul…" she croaks, a small and silent sob welling in her throat when she is able to shuffle, pitifully, into the kitchen. He takes her in his arms and nurses her, for it is all he knows how to do.

She sounds wrong, _sick. _

Dry tears make more stains on his jacket and all the boy can do is pick up the pieces…

--

It takes Black Star a week to track down the witch, 3 days for Kid to corner her and 20 minutes for Soul to get her to talk.

"Please," he growls, "please, she's broken and you need to fix her-" the witch laughs, loudly and cruelly and whispers in her ear, with his blade crushed against her neck.

"I don't fix people, me – with the broken heart?" she is mocking them, his human hand tightens around her shirt and for a second he considers ending the problem with a fountain of red.

He doesn't really remember running, he can recall Kid finally making him stop.

--

Maka's ears are throbbing; the pain of her locked jaw is overpowering and reminding her of what is keeping her human.

"Why did you come for me Maka?" _Why are you so weak? _

She traces the outlines of her own bones in her shaking hands with terrified eyes and tries not to scream. The sudden silence is different, smothering – if Maka could formulate a coherent sound it would be shrieking.

The world waits, Medusa grins and Maka pries her hands from the metal of her partner, not looking back as Soul breaks.

_You win…_

--


	17. SoulMakaWes: matter of family

**Title: **matter of family  
**Summary: **the word 'possessive' is quite the understatement  
**Author: **Pippapalooza!  
**Length: **306  
**Pairings: **SoulMakaWes  
**A/N: **Short, random...and hopefully funny! (Also, Wes so deserves more...page time? Why does that sound perverted...and _why _does he not get his own damn character selection?!) Also, thanks to 'The H factor' who reviewed like...every chapter xD

* * *

Soul Eater Evans was not what you would call…'stable.'

Sure, if you compared him to Captain Symmetry and God-Boy then he looked about as mentally sound as…well…anyone who could turn into a giant scythe.

However, when it came to certain things in the boys life he often found himself – as the saying goes – 'wandering off the deep end.'

(And no, not in the sense of the tiny demon in his brain telling him to go put shiny metal objects into a microwave.)

"Look at them! Walking, talking and…and…canoodling!"

"Canoodling?"

"Shut up."

"Why are we in a bush Soul?" the weapon said nothing, staring in horror as Maka allowed code name 'Square head' to taste her ice-cream.

"_Look! _Look at that!" he hissed, gesturing so frantically it was a wonder his hand didn't just fall off.

"Yeah…"

"Square head is a cunning wizard indeed…" his partner in crime said nothing, a look of deep concern crossing his features.

"His head is rather…cuboid like…isn't it?"

"And now they're _laughing! _Definitely a sign of pure dastardly intentions if I ever saw one…"

"Do you think the sides are even?"

"Poor Maka, only I know the truth of my brother's dark magical history…he used to eat babies you know. Really. I would know. He ate me once-"

"The side on the left…it's…is it just in my head or is that a centimetre off?"

"-then he poured all his malice and hatred into the violins forging, and the army of Shibusen fought one last battle-"

"It is. I know it is! I can see it!"

"I should phone the police…Kid you're part god can't you just…KID GET BACK IN THE BUSH!"

* * *

"_Why is a death god molesting my face?"_


	18. WesMarie: speed bumps

**Title: **speed bumps  
**Summary: **'The point of marriage is happiness, dresses and crying mothers' Soul grimaced, 'Do you mind? I'm trying not be sick overhere...'  
**Author: **The Ultimate Sockage  
**Length: **603  
**Pairings: **WesMarie  
**A/N: **Another random one xD My challenge was to actually write a fic without Kid in it...I succeded :D (Why do I feel so empty inside D:)

* * *

"Disgusting."

"What?" Soul glared daggers at his currently pink, frilly, apron wearing older brother with a look of pure distain on his features.

"How can you be so…_so_…?"

"Happy?"

"YES!" Wes frowned, once again pondering how his brother even got into the house with all the doors locked.

"Well we love each other very much Soul and-"

"BAH!" The weapon flailed wildly as if the dread 'L' word was some kind of curse, "you're an idiot!"

Wes frowned, should his brother really be saying this to the man wielding the sharp knife?

"I don't understand how I'm the-"

"You've given it all up!" Soul exclaimed angrily, Wes wondered if he'd ever be able to finish a sentence.

"Given up what?"

"_Everything," _Soul breathed so mournfully you could almost hear violins playing in the background.

"Soul I don't quite understand-"

"Enough!"

"Where on earth did you get that floodlight?" Wes wondered in awe.

"Black Star, ahem, this is not important right now!" Soul continued, slapping the rolling pin out his elder sibling's hand covering the pair of them in icing sugar.

And Wes had just cleaned the kitchen…

"You're throwing it all away! Random stranger sex, freedom…_stranger sex_!"

"You've had stranger-"

"Not important!" Wes sighed and began picking powder out his hair; his precious proposal cake was burning for _this? _

"Let's see it then."

"See what?" Soul sniffed haughtily, looking like a demonic Christmas decoration gone wrong in a fake snow factory.

"_It. _You know…the doom band."

"The ring, Soul. It's called a ring," Soul snorted and took the liberty of taking a seat, helping himself to the leftover cake mix.

"Well are you going to show me it or not?" with a regretful sigh the elder brother took it out his back pocket, the latter flipping open the box as if it contained solidified PMS.

"…"

"Oh come on," Wes groaned, running a hand through his hair which was, in retrospect, not the smartest idea.

"Let me guess, it reminds you of her eyes?"

"Shut up!"

"You're too far gone my brother…I did try…" Wes was torn between asking when his brother had swallowed a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare and throttling him with his shoe lace.

"You're overreacting! Marriage is great!"

"Oh yeah?" Soul smirked, "name one marriage that went well?"

"Oh that's easy-"

"In shibusen."

"…when did you become so evil little brother?" Something in said brother's eyes told Wes that he would never _want _to know the answer to that question.

"Well?"

"I'm thinking!" Soul smirked in triumph; he would have looked fairly impressive if not for the goatee of cake mix, "Kami and Spirit!"

"They're divorced…"

"Yes! But, they're both still alive!" Soul considered he did have a point, Black Star had no idea he even _had _a mother and Kid probably didn't even know where babies came from.

"Wes, seriously, have you thought this through? She's going to want…kid's and commitment and all that rubbish," one glance at the frilly apron, cake and steadily growing pile of sappy CD's in the kitchen concluded that 'yes', 'yes he did.'

"Wes…please at least tell me the sex is good?" the older brother shuffled awkwardly.

"She wants to save that till marriage."

"Oh come ON?!"


	19. KamiSpirit: unrelated incidents

**Title: **unrelated incidents  
**Summary: **We're sorry to inform you that the romance in this story got ran over by a car.  
**Author: **Pippicakes  
**Length: **592  
**Pairing: **Spirit/Kami.  
**A/N: **Well since there are so not enough of these floating around I thought I'd contribute! Also, I think I am in adoration of my versions of Wes and Kami...I'll be so miserable when they show up in the manga xD  
**Edit: **KID. KID. KID. KID. KID. KID. _I feel better now... _

* * *

They smashed heads with one another as they leaped over a garden fence 100 yards from the school she'd just set on fire. That was how they met.

It was a Saturday evening, only an hour or so before the clubs opened and he'd been looking for a hot date to stalk for the evening, resulting in a quick short cut through his vague acquaintances back garden and she was most definitely coming the other way.

Their heads collided full on, a shattering 'smack' resounding through the otherwise silent neighbourhood. She had cussed hard enough to wilt the already dying grass rubbing her abused forehead the entire time with her right hand, the left was clutching tightly round a chipped, red, plastic lighter.

She swore once more, "Sonofabitch."

Her whole body was covered in a varying degree of mess, soot and ash stains made their way across her petite chest, grass stains on her knees and mud splatters over her arms and face from where she fell.

_I'm going to die, _was the first thing that came to Spirits mind..._that schools on fire _followed shortly after.

"Are you alright?" He tried for weakly, "I'm sorry I didn't realize this fence was taken…" their was something in her eyes, a fiercely childish sense of rebellion that kept him captivated. Neither of them made a move to go.

"I'll have to file a divorce case, how dare my fence cheat on me."

It was dreadful really, like something out of a romantic comedy – he almost expected the cheesy laughter to come chorusing out the pot plants. Quite the pathetic scenario, he had absolutely nothing else to say. Thankfully she solved his dilemma.

"I'm Kami. Do I get to know the name of my home-wrecker?" she went on with a faint Japanese accent, smiling airily as the smoke began to block out the sky.

"Spirit Albarn," he answered, putting out a hand which she shook, somehow managing to keep a straight face during the exchange, "pleased to meet you." He added on robotically.

"Likewise," her lips tugged at the corners, they were dry and cracked he noted before she pulled him to his feet. The sudden rush made him sway.

"Do you often set fire to buildings?"

"Only on days that end in a 'Y'." her laugh was nice, it made everything feel a little less awkward.

"I see." He didn't and the silence returned.

"Is that your natural hair colour?"

"What?"

"Your hair," she repeated as if Spirit was the mad one "is it natural?" he nodded, the nightclub and Stein suddenly the last thing on his mind.

"Well burning things was always a hobby of mine-"

"I'm sorry what?"

"Ssh! I'm speaking!" she pressed a hand over his mouth; thankfully it was the one without the lighter in it.

"My mother has dreadful hair, so does my sister actually, and my brother to so I was curious about yours, naturally-" he nodded; her eyes were a lovely green colour. Nice and round and inviting and so very, very pure.

"-burning things never had the right red you know? Your hairs lovely, just right. Perfect." She nodded and tugged a thick group of it in her blistered, muddy fingers and smiled once more leaving Spirit racking his brain for something else to say.

"Do you want to go for a drink?"

"I'll have to ask my fence first."


	20. Melee: Hell Hath no Fury Like a Woman

**Title: **Hell Hath no Fury Like a Woman You Used a Line On  
**Author: **Fiercy (Sierra)  
**Pairings: **Spirit/Kami, Sid/Nygus, (An Stein/Marie, Medusa or stranger. Whatever way you want to see it.  
**Note: **It was supposed to be a short thing for prompts…it became this.

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Back in the day (way way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), Stein, Spirit, Sid and the rest of the Brady Bunch were kids- and this may shock you- they actually went on real live dates.

But where were they that fateful autumn evening? No not on one of these alleged dates! Oh no, they were in a pub- for in the olden days that's what they were called- Drinking the metaphorical night a way.

Kami who had entered with them made a point of saying that that was technically impossible because no matter how much they drank the hour would go neither faster nor slower even if it seemed like it in their insignificantly stupid testosterone and alcohol filled brains.

Smart ass.

Stein wondered briefly if the others would let him dissect her brain to find out just how much her sense of literalness took up in her brain. Then decided against it because frankly no one would appreciate the fluids everywhere- and she was really very scary.

Once his first beer was downed a group of girls walked up to the bar and ordered. "Watch and learn boys." Spirit smirked and walked over to them to deliver a horror that they had never before witnessed for as long as they had been his wingmen.

"Do you sleep on your stomach?" he asked a particularly robust blond. She gave him an odd look before shaking her head. "Well then may _I_?"

"Twenty says he's visited by her big brother and his favorite Louisville Slugger." Stein murmured before lighting a cigarette.

"Fifty says her foot and his dick have a very choice encounter." Sid shot back.

"I'll take that bet."

Three minutes later Stein was out fifty dollars, Spirit was still crying and Sid had gone off to buy Nygus a drink.

"How come it worked for him?!" The poor red head whined.

"He's smoother than you." And with a drag from his cigarette he ditched.

He stopped right in front of a woman with gold hair and an odd and dangerous smirk, "Hey. You'll do." He slung an arm around her shoulders and headed for the door.

"GAH! Is everyone but me hooking up?" The scythe sobbed into his drink.

"Can I take your picture?" someone asked from above him. He looked up to see Kami smiling pityingly.

"Why?" he groaned.

"So I can tell Santa what I want for Christmas."

**Note: **Haha, hope you guys got the Maka reference in there. I actually have mixed feelings about Kami, oh well...Yeah I know: Two first Generation fics in a row TT^TT ah well...

Anyway, heres the part where I thank you because -drumroll- We have exactly 150 reviews!!!!! Thank you guys so much! We love you and your suggestions and we'll try to get to them all. You have helped our baby grow! Now heres the part where I guilt you into more reviews: we have competition. I dont want to mention who because that would be mean, but not to tute our own horns but our fic is so much better than theirs and we have less recognisation. Which isnt very fair now is it? XD So what we'd love is to top the most reviews we got for one chapter, which is 20. At least double that have us on alert and it only takes a few seconds to tell us what you think we're doing right or wrong and we'd really love that!

Thanks everybody!

Fiercy


	21. OxKim: Falling from the Stars

**Title: **Falling from the Stars

**Author: **Teh Fiercemeister.

**Pairing(s): **Kim/Jackie, Kim/Ox, Ox/Kim/Jackie...If you squint _really really really_ hard.

**Note: **This is for someone who requested Ox/Kim, I couldn't find the review so I'm not sure who it is...and I tried hon, so very hard but GAH! I'm not up to date on the manga yet so I'm pretty useless. And they're so hard to write TT^TT Sorry!!

Enjoy.

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Rain fell around me but I remained dry under the bus stop. It was like I was on my own little isle, unable to see much in front of me, like staring out at the ocean. I felt as if the water never ended and nothing ever changed.

The clear plastic window of the stop was a forest of drops of water, like an aerial view of an expansive forest; the elements melding into each other and becoming one. Nature at its most base beauty, the perfection that came from the creator himself.

I thought about the very prospect of life. How all I see came to be. I thought about what it must feel like to see these raindrops up close and slowed, to really be able to see the magic the rain clouds unleashed on us mere mortals when they deemed it time.

But all I could do was listen to the constant clattering as drops of water fell to the sidewalk like scattering beads, the sound soothing as waves or cricket chirps ever were.

It reminded me-though the sounds were nothing alike- of the classrooms of Shibusen; always abuzz with noise and idle chatter. BlackStars habitual shouted claims of glory, Maka-chan hitting Soul and/or 'the great one', Kid crying over the asymmetry of it all, Kilik, Jackie and the others chatting with me and silent Ox.

The roof of the shelter began to leak; a steady dripping that made the dark wetness of the pavement beneath me feet expand. I wonder what it must feel like to fall like the rain did; to see the earth from so high and watch it grow as you approach bit by bit.

That brought me to the subject of death. Do you feel it? Those final moments...is the pain always there? Or in our time of departure does an angel touch our eyes gently, though we can't see them. Do they make our final moments peaceful? Do they give us at least that much?

For Jackie's sake I hope so.

I also wondered if a witch got such a courtesy.

But where do we go? Is there a heaven and hell? Or simply another world or the next lifetime? Who decides this?

I imagine that judgment must look like a train station or a bus stop. Something familiar to take us to our destination.

I suddenly found myself thinking of Ox and Kilik. Have they thought of us? Did they wonder what had happened? I pray that Shibusen never told them the truth about me... Poor Ox. Out of everyone it's him I pity most and him I want to keep this from.

Please god, if you're out there-

My train of thought ceased, because through the din I heard tires splashing through the puddles and saw headlights shine through the constant monotonous gray. My ride is here.

It's time to go.

**Note: **Why hallo thar symbolism! Anyone get it or did I fail? Hehe. Anyway...You can ignore the Ox+Kilik part if you want. It was thrown in there last minute so that if you squint _really_ hard you can find Ox/Kim/Jackie.

So yeah... Hope you liked it!

**Edit: **Sorry for jumping in on Fiercy's work but we've got a poll up for the pairings regarding this, so when you have time please go vote at least for 4 options if you can! Thanks, pip!


	22. SoulMakaStar: Plan B

**Title: Plan B  
****Author: **Fiercy  
**Pairings: **StarMaka, SoulMaka, TsubakiStar, MarieSteinMedusa, OxKim, ChronaEmoPoetry, SteinSwivelchair.

**Note: **This was a challenge from none other than Completely Frazzled: AU in which all (yes...ALL) of the SE cast work in an office, someone has to photocopy their butt, MakaSoulBlackStar is madatory. Tsubaki is coffee intolerant; someone has to fall off a building at least once, spiny chair of doom the return? 1 catfight and due to lack of money Liz sells kid into prostitution ...yeah.

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-

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The fact that his friend was more whipped than cream had no bearing on his actions. Really.

He just wanted to see what the big deal was at first. Then the chase got fun.

He'd heard a lot of stories while working at Shibusen Ads about the mysterious Maka Albarn. Lots of guys claimed they'd gotten to the other side of the tracks if you catch his drift but were almost immediately called out and shot down by BlackStar's best friend Solomon 'Soul' Evans.

The biblically named man had claimed her to be his best friend since diapers. This annoyed (the great) BlackStar. Were best friends allowed to have other best friends that the other has never even known about let alone talked to? Apparently so. When did that law change? Stupid reforms.

BlackStar was 99.9% sure that Soul was her bitch. Why this bothered him was a mystery. Okay, no it wasn't. Soul talked big and claimed way more girls than him and when he said that he hadn't made a move ("On tiny tits? Why would I do that?") It could have meant one of two things to the blue haired man. 1) He was lying and was actually as gay as their bosses' son Kid. Or 2) she was too important to him as a best friend. Which is just as gay because there's no denying that Maka is hot.

So BlackStar decided he'd give the untouchable, top of the food chain office manager Albarn a spin. If just to prove he could do it better than Soul.

"Hey," she didn't look up at his suave greeting.

"Hi," her gaze remained fixed to the numbers in the manila folder.

"Why don't we ever talk?"

"I believed it's because the first time we met, you know, before you found out I was your boss, you called me an uptight, flat chested, stick up the ass bitch."

He twitched a little, "Well I was wrong."

She looked up for the first time, "Wow, your pride doesn't taste so good when you're the one swallowing it huh?" she looked him up and down, "I'm not giving you a raise by the way. No matter how much you kiss my ass."

"How about coffee?"

"Not even if you paid me."

XxX

Well clearly plan A wasn't working; Maka wasn't falling for his charms or debonair suaveness.

Now for plan B: ask Tsubaki what plan C is.

"TSUBAKI!" Incessant banging echoed around her apartment. The young receptionist yawned and got out of bed, scratching her head and opening the door to find her over enthused friend standing wide awake on her doorstep.

"What are you doing here BlackStar?" she yawned, glancing at her watch and internally banging her head against the doorjamb. "It's one in the morning and I have to work tomorrow. In fact _so do you_."

"But I need your help!" he exclaimed, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world to say that would automatically get him out of trouble. Of course Tsubaki couldn't resist the ultimate begging face of the beautiful and mighty BlackStar.

"Come in."

Score!

…_30 minutes later._

"Get out of my house BlackStar." Apparently at 1:30 in the morning after listening to her friend ramble for half an hour Tsubaki was _not_ the sweet and caring person he'd grown to know and maybe kinda like. Oh man was she a bitch when she was tired. "Getting a girl just so you can rub it in Soul-kun's face is not a nice thing to do."

"But what if I said it would keep me from harassing other girls?"

She slumped face down on her kitchen table, defeated and too tired to argue. "Go make me some coffee."

Another hour and eight cups of coffee later Tsubaki was ready to beat her head against a brick wall. Or run. Or skip. Maybe a cartwheel or two. She just had so much energy! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

"Neh, Tsubaki…Are you okay?" the perfectly complacent, somehow calm (apparently caffeine had the opposite effect for him) BlackStar looked up at his jumping jacking friend.

"Perfectly fine! Never better! YAHOO!" She grinned widely in a creepy way that was all too frightening on her face –twitch twitch- "Why wouldn't I be?"

"So what should I do abo-?"

"Know what we should do?! Run laps around central park!"

"That's in Manhattan." … "We're four states away."

Too hyped up to wonder how he knew that she laughed raucously, "So we'll walk!"

Clearly his hour of choice was _not_ opportune.

X-x-X

With no one else to turn to for _sane_ dating advice BlackStar settled on his own…._unique_ methods.

When Maka opened up his budget reports the next afternoon to look them over she found a photocopy of his ass at the very top of the stack with the words "Now you know what you're missing." Scrawled in bright red sharpie.

Horns sprouted from her head and the expression on her face promised great pain and suffering.

X-x-X

Stein looked at the ceiling boredly as he spun in his wonderfully epic best-friend-who-no-one-can-ever-replace Mr. Swivel. "Stein, stop mindlessly worshipping your stupid chair and focus on what really matters here! My Maka-chan is off canoodling with that no good dirty rotten pig stealing-" Oh wait, wrong movie reference. "No good punk!" Spirit sobbed over coffee, causing his tears of despair to make the beverage rather salty, thus undrinkable. For shame. What a waste.

Stein, who was severely unnerved by his coworker's blatant disrespect for Mr. Swivel just ignored him.

"Why am I wasting my time with you?! You're just like him, going out with both Marie and Medusa at the same time, you horrible fiend! They broke the fax machine in that cat fight!"

Stein, having been reminded of that rather sexy display decided that then was the opportune time to take his lunch break and return home where two very lovely blonds were probably waiting for him.

OT3s rule in his book clearly.

Spirit was left to cry some more all by his lonesome.

"Are you going to finish that coffee Spirit-sempai?" –Twitch twitch-

X-x-X

"Alright, listen up everybody!" Liz called the meeting to order. "Since we've all basically stopped caring about this company altogether in favor of other peoples sex lives- which coincidentally are exactly like my soap operas- we're basically circling the drain here! Kid's already prostituting himself to the males of the community, Chrona's been working double time on advertising slogans, Eruka and Free have bought a dancing monkey to display in front of our building and- for petes Sake Blair! Disrobe a bit for pete's sake! If you all want to keep your jobs than you'd better _step it up_!"

"BLACKSTAR GET THE HELL OFF ME, I REFUSE TO WALK AROUND IN A BIKINI TOP TO GET CUSTOMERS!!"

X-x-X

"-And he's being completely obsessive, and-"

"So tell her to issue a restraining order."

"He's not dangerous, but you'd think he'd have the decency to back off! God, now I have to protect that idiot-"

"From what? The evil clutches of sex with a hormonal guy? Please."

"I'm protecting her virtue here! I'm her best friend; that's what I'm supposed to do."

"Oh please as if she's a virgin-" Soul's jaw dropped. "Taste this please." He stuck a spoon of pie filling into his awaiting mouth.

"That's not the point! Of course she is! She's Maka! And _DAMN_ Wes, this is some tasty shit!"

X-x-X

"God Soul just ask her out." Kilik groaned.

"Ask who?"

"Maka!" Harvar supplied.

"What about her?" Desk? Meet three heads who can no longer tolerate their friend's obliviousness. I think you'll get along smashingly.

"You are so unbelievably hopeless." Ox sighed, "Show her by buying her flowers, do something extravagant for her! Be a man!"

"Dude…She's not Kim. That won't make her sleep with him; she'll send him to the psych ward."

X-x-X

Finally a week and a half into BlackStar's self infliction a knock sounded on his door.

Next thing he knew he was thrown out the window of his building…

...Right into his pool.

X-x-X

Maka was unsuspectingly sipping coffee, leaning against one of the office cubicles when suddenly two people stalked towards her at exactly the same pace wearing identical expressions of determination and annoyance.

The two collided foreheads right in front of her, having a metaphorical pissing contest.

"Maka, will you go out with me!" They shouted together.

She blinked twice before tossing the hot coffee in both their faces.

**Note: **Well Frazz…I hope you liked it you crazy crazy person. I look forward to something even harder from you XD

I put Wes and his famous cake in there just for you guys.

Do I pass? Feel free to severely trash talk me.


	23. SteinKid: Feather Dusters

**Title: **feather dusters  
**Summary: **Never make bets with Stein, chances are…he'll win.  
**Pairing: **Stein/Kid.  
**Author: **Pippicakes the first. (_frazz…) _(YOU WUV ME PIP!)  
**Length: **1850.  
**Comments: **I love my dearest frazz so much because she's so beautiful and amazing and truly a way better (_what are you doing?) _Nothing… (_…I can't stop you can I?) _No. (_Thought not.) _ANYWAY! This is rather…Pippin. Yeah. That's an adjective now.  
_**Real comment: **_All I am going to say is Frazzled is a very sick, sick pedo, stalker with a fetish for cross-dressing and sadism AKA Stein's dream girl.

* * *

"This is twisted, even for you!"

"Now, now Kid-kun you brought this upon yourself."

"No. You said I'd have to clean the classroom…_this _is not cleaning the classroom!"

If Kid wasn't looking at the floor through his mop of hair desperately trying to call upon the wrath of Karma, he would have seen the scientist's lips quirk into a smirk of pure sadism.

"Yes it is."

"The class is in it _Stein_," the way the Kid practically hissed in mortification made the meister really wish he'd brought a video camera, this was a Kodak moment if he ever saw one.

"You never specified the rules of our little wager, Kid-_kun,_" the young god was caught between leaping out from the cupboard he had just locked himself in and strangling the man before he could blink, or trying to smother himself with the mop.

Perhaps he should do both?

"I'm sure this is illegal…"

"So is sending out under-age children to battle for their lives."

"…touché…"

Stein could hear the boy awkwardly scuffing his shoes on the ground, he was very tempted to just rip the door open and drag Kid out to speed up the little _'learning' _process for the whole world but it would be far more _rewarding _if the brat came out willingly…

(For the sake of his sanity he ignored the double entendre in that sentence.)

"We're waiting," the older man went on, tapping his foot loud enough so that the other boy could hear even through his make-shift (and most likely perfectly symmetrical) barricade.

"You never specified _when _I had to do it Stein, I can wait in here all day if I want to." _damn it, _Cursed the elder meister, the kid was surprisingly good at arguing.

Then again he had been raised by constantly bickering death scythes and a father who looked like he belonged in a child's comic book.

"Ah Kid-kun, is that _any _way for the son of Shinigami-sama to behave?"

_Bingo. _

It was below the belt and by far the most underhanded tactic in the book he could have possibly used but it was one of three things that was bound to get the boy out of that blasted cupboard:

1) He'd have to mention his father/mother/estranged family member/pet rock.

2) Call 'asymmetry' at the top of his lungs

3) Blow the door down. Presumably taking the young boy with it…

(He'd have to conduct an experiment sometime, just to see what would happen if he did all three at once…

It wasn't like Shinigami would miss him anyway…

They could buy a stripy parrot, give it a gun and train it to say symmetry…no one would notice the difference.)

A sudden shifting of large materials broke the scientist out of his ponderings, the door lock clicked open.

"…you better not have a camera," the boy snarled from the gloom, Stein nodded slightly. No he didn't, Black Star on the other hand might have just accidently found one under his desk though…

"Wouldn't dream of it Kid-kun," his dreams normally revolved around talking apples and his mother's left shoe anyway…

With a mournful sigh and a subtle thump as what had to have been Kid's dignity falling to the floor, the young Shinigami stepped out of the cupboard – looking as though he'd do anything to run back in there.

"…ah…you look erm…"

"Say it," _I dare you, _hung dangerously in the air.

"Adorable," Stein never really had any self preservation anyway, especially since the brat was about ½ his size and would be distracted by a giant number seven.

Kid looked ready to implode, Patti was adorable (occasionally), those stupid moments when Soul and Maka had 10 minute hugs…were nauseatingly adorable, puppies were (apparently) adorable…

Death the Kid was _not _adorable.

(He had not been called that since he was two and his father insisted on putting him in that stupid pink t-shirt…with the hearts…and the bunny…oh that evil bunny-)

Stein wondered if the boy was alright, well…about the same as an OCD, death god could be anyway. He had developed a rather prominent twitch and kept mumbling the words 'fluffy tail' under his breath…

He hoped he hadn't broken him…again.

"You shouldn't tense yourself so much Kid, you'll develop para…never mind."

Kid growled in response too far gone in his own rage and embarrassment to even form a coherent retort.

That or he'd developed rabies. It was hard to tell.

"Perhaps if you stopped attempting to run a can of bleach through my eye you would make a passable maid, Kid-kun," Death's son began a triad of insults in something resembling dinosaur-speak, hurled a mop through the window, burst into hysterics at the ruined symmetry and then sulkily fell to the floor and mumbled something along the lines of, 'the book was better…'

"Finished?"

"…pass me the damn duster," except he hadn't said 'damn' and Stein was quite sure a nun died somewhere.

"No, I need to relish in this moment for as long as possible," as revenge for: disrupting my classes, being a bad-ass and managing to pull off a suit better than I can.

"Would you stop staring at my legs?! It's awkward enough without another pervy old man trying to eye me up," Stein wasn't exactly sure _what_ to make of that sentence and was pretty damn sure he didn't want to know either. Also he wasn't _old. _

"I'm sorry, you just don't wear skirts that often Kid," the boy's lips pressed into a thin line and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop a retort, it would only fuel more humiliation on his part anyway…

(Stupid teachers and their damn ability to be taller and more experienced than he was…)

Stein expected another witty comeback either involving his family tree or symmetry but was rather surprised when Kid managed to keep his mouth shut for once.

The game wasn't over already was it?

"You're apron is a little lopsided, Kid-_kun,_" ah, the suffix was back – that meant more torture just around the corner.

With a quick jolt Kid was upright and grudgingly examining his costume once more to make sure it was up to his precise standards, the frills were all 1mm out of alignment and he didn't even want to get started on the ridiculous boots and headdress but a deal was a deal after all…

"Much better, Shinigami would be proud."

"At least I make this look good," the boy grumbled in return, he had to admit the image of _Stein_ in a maids outfit was not one he wanted to have engraved on the forefront of his mind anytime soon…

Spirit had mentioned something about a stag night though…

A sudden hand on the boys shoulder jerked him out of his horrific mental wanderings and reminded him rather painfully of the torture he was about to endure.

(As if the breeze around his upper thigh wasn't a big enough reminder in itself…)

"I hate you so much."

"Stick and stones Kid-kun, sticks and stones," Kid could probably do quite a sufficient amount of damage right now if handed a stick so Stein took advantage of the boys simmering and steered him to the classroom door, it was by this time Kid realized he was about to die of mortification.

"I take it back…" the boy growled in response to some inner monologue, "I'd lock myself in a cupboard with Black Star again…" was the scientist even supposed to _want _to process that mental image?!

"Kid, you do realize you are supposed to be locking yourself in cupboards with women…right?"

"Says the sadistic scientist with fetishes for little boys in maid outfits?"

"…touché…though, I must admit you do have rather excellent bone structure-"

"I will scream rape if you continue that sentence," the Shinigami deadpanned. Stein sighed and several people walking past promptly fainted in horror.

"I'm surprised Kid-kun, for someone so willing to prove yourself worthy you are certainly reluctant when it comes to paying up the other ends of your bets," the expression of pure rage on the boys face was a delight. Even Spirit couldn't quite match the pure raw emotion of indecision, whether the boy should be dying of embarrassment or raging into a blind fury.

"Once chichiue hears about this…" Kid mumbled, whether to himself in pity or Stein as a threat the scientist couldn't care less, all he wanted right now was to see that enchanting expression of pure mortification once more.

"Ah Kid-kun, the stories I could tell," he drawled, recalling that rather nasty incident involving Kami's bikini and a tub of banana face cream…"now if you remember correctly my blackboards need cleaning…"

"I would threaten you once again but clearly those are idle," _darn it,_ Stein griped internally, he had been craving another spontaneous outburst, "Stein…my face is up here…" the young death god sighed, seeming surprisingly unperturbed and even going as far as to lean against the door and give him a supercilious look.

"Ah yes," he slurred around the cigarette in his mouth, glaring into the burnt-yellow eyes of the younger boy and wondering where on earth the brat had learnt to glare like that…

His musings were cut off as the door slammed open and Stein found himself wishing he hadn't picked the class with Black Star in it…

As fate would have it the scientist found himself playing catch with the pre-pubescent boy and the door as both party members stumbled wildly backwards, Kid was surprisingly thin, Stein was shockingly uncoordinated and the world was cruelly unforgiving.

"…Kid…Stein-hakase?" a shell shocked Maka (of all people) stared as Stein lifted his head out from the frills of Kid's dress (he never thought he'd be using those two words in the same sentence…_ever) _to stare as the class defied the laws of physics and all managed to gape at the scene before them through the open door.

Kid tilted his head backwards and managed to catch Patti adding another dash to the tally of 'creepy things Kid's had done to him', they would reach 30 by the end of the week if they kept this up.

(A record breaker of the 25 from last week.)

"…it's not what it looks like?"

"Stein-hakase…you're erm…lying on Kid-kun…in a erm…dress…" Kid was oddly silent and Stein had gotten in touch with his conscience that had now decided to scream 'pedo-leech!' at him in Spirit's voice.

"I fainted."

"In a dress Kid?" Soul sneered, Stein made a mental note to give the boy 'zero' for the next couple of thousand tests he was about to receive.

"Yes…in a dress…its erm…shinigami tradition."

"No it's not," Patti mumbled, Liz continued painting her nails and Tsubaki tried her hardest not to have a hysterical break-down.

"Yes, Kid passed out…so I fell on top of him to revive him…" even Black Star looked like he wasn't about to buy that crap, "I also happen to have a surgical knife on me somewhere…" the door promptly slam shut.

"Erm Stein…?"

"Yes Kid-kun?"

"Those are not _your _pockets."

* * *

**A/N: **You cannot unsee what you have just witnessed! MWHAHAHAHAHA


	24. StarTsu: between the lines

**Title: **between the lines  
**Summary: **'Hey can I borrow your Uterus?'  
**Pairing: **Star/Tsubaki (_FINALLY! xD)  
_**Author: **The one and only, Pippin x3  
**Length: **616  
**Comment: **To make up for the mind-rape that was last chapter, have some canon xD Also, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, _HUGE, _**HUGE **thanks to everyone who got us to 200. Seriously. We freaking love you guys. Having people review and say they were actually having to bite their lips to stop laughing...yeah, that makes me smile so much its embarressing. Thank you. Seriously. Without you guys we neverwould have got this far. This one goes out to all of you. Thanks so much. _Really._

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"Tsubaki, you're a girl right?"

Said weapon sighed in defeat and kissed goodbye her normal afternoon as it bungee jumped out the window.

"Thank you for noticing Black Star." She replied testily, once again trying to remind herself why she even bothered staying in the insane asylum.

"And you know you said you'd do anything for me?"

"If you're going to suggest painting half of Kid's house orange again-"

"No!" the ninja was on his feet now, his arms flailing wildly above his head in protest against her perfectly valid accusations, "this time I'm being serious. I _need _you to help me Tsubaki."

She blinked a few times and wondered if she'd accidently taking her meister's ADHD pills.

"What for?" Black Star sighed and sat down once again at the breakfast bar and gave her the most serious expression she'd ever seen, she was so stunned by the sudden change in demeanour she barely register the next few words to leave his mouth.

"I need to borrow your uterus."

"You-I…my" she took a deep breath, "_what?!" _

"Your uterus."

"I heard you the first time but _why!?" _Not that this was the strangest thing the ninja had come out with but she was rather attached to her internal organs.

"Tsubaki you love me right?" she blushed slightly before inclining her head, still stunned into silence by this unexpected turn of events, "and you want us to be happy…right?" she nodded again, "well I don't see what the problem is!" he slapped the table and laughed, Tsubaki resisted the urge to throttle him.

"I…my uterus is not for your…your _whims!_" insisted the horrified, and slightly nauseated, weapon.

"My what?"

"How would you like it if I asked to borrow your genitalia?!" Black Star smirked slightly.

"Well actually-"

"_No! _Oh god so much _no._" Tsubaki floundered slightly, waving her arms in front of her face as if she might develop the ability to wipe that memory from all plains of existence.

"I don't see what the problem is…I'm giving it back. I said _borrow._" He emphasized the word with two air quotation marks, unintentionally imitating his arch rival to a scary level.

"I don't care if you said 'donate to starving Amazonian chipmunks' my uterus is not for…squandering!"

"They have starving chipmunks in Amazonia?"

Tsubaki slapped her palm to her forehead and instantly regretted adding to the killer migraine.

"The chipmunks were an analogy Black Star," she may have well been speaking fluent Turkish for all the good it was doing her.

"So the starving chipmunks are from Analogy?"

"Forget the chipmunks!"

"But the chipmunks are-"

"Stop saying chipmunk!" Black Star looked completely bewildered, as if Soul had just shown up at his house doing naked ballet.

"But-"

"_Never mind!" _She seethed, before taking a few calming breaths, desperately trying to remain as composed as possible.

"So can I have your ovaries then?"

"_wha- _NO!" she was going to snap, this was the day and she could see it coming…damn Liz would win her 10 bucks…

"…womb?"

"Are you planning some sort of gender change without telling me?!" the smile on Black Star's face made Tsubaki almost inhale her own tongue, "You _are?!" _

"Of course not!" he replied snippily, "I just don't see what the big deal is…it's only 9 months."

"9 months?! Why on earth would you…" sudden realisation dawned and Tsubaki's skin tone now matched spirit's hair, "Oh."

"Yeah."

"…wanna borrow my uterus?"


	25. WesMakaSoul: dinner for three

**Title: **dinner for three  
**Summary: **Honestly? It's kind of a two for one deal here.  
**Pairings: **WesMakaSoul, crack!Maka/Free.  
**Author: **Pippin, raping fandom's so you don't have to.  
**Length: **3,609  
**Contest note: **Please go to our Forum if you have any questions regarding our challenge, which totally messed up our thing since now we have to write 101 chapters instead of 100 D:!  
**A/N (of DOOM): **Ok. So frazz issued the challenge from hell yeah? (strip poker, future!fic, bath tub/hairdryer meeting, 4 movie references, bad hair dying, cross-dressing Soul, bad driving, CAKES, impractical Socks, virgin sacrifices, weird/embarrassing things to find under someone's sink, online gaming, a fight scene, getting struck by lightning, bad attempts at philosophy, rape alarms...cannibalism!) And I was all, ok a lot of that's quite easy…BY ITSELF!! But regrettably it had to be together and also had to involve 3 people, those three being Wes, Maka and Soul. Now I was originally going with love triangle, 'cause I love 'em, then it turned into a ridiculously kinky OT3 and practically every scene began demanding steamy make outs and smex so it started getting harder to write and I ended up writing like…a novel basically xD I mean come on, these three in a house together?!  
So I cut it short to this and have possibly found the smexiest OT3 out there, SakuNaruSasu and LizKidPatti can kiss my –insert part of anatomy here- for all I care because this is _smex. _Seriously, by the end of it I was torn between punching Maka out for being so lucky and sitting back and cooing. Maybe I should seek help…  
Also, I tried a _different style_ here. It's not my usual quick fire stupidity because I'm going for a more mature approach to humour, I also messed with Wes's character a smidge since he's so vague at the moment I can do that (he's also my (our, I meant our) baby :D), also it's too hawt to be made stupid. Don't believe me?

_Read and I dare you to disagree! _

* * *

"Werewolves are sexy." Soul looked up from his hastily thrown together breakfast and gaped at his meister as if she'd sprouted Black Star's head from her thigh.

"I'm sorry what?"

"You heard me. I like werewolves." Soul looked around the room as if he expected the guy from 'Gotcha' to come leaping out the cabinets, shove a microphone up his nostril and tell him what an idiot he was for buying this.

No strange men leapt out his cupboard.

Soul was oddly disappointed.

"…_why_?" Maka sniffed haughtily and threw her eyes skyward as if Angels themselves would suddenly descend in shiny glory and deliver the answer personally.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really." She flipped her hair over her shoulder in dismissal before sauntering over to the doorway.

"You're too much of a kid to understand Soul," she tossed pityingly behind her as she exited the appartment, "this is an adult thing and you wouldn't get it."

She slammed the door; a portion of the ceiling fell into the weapons cereal coating him in a lovely layer of slightly warm milk.

"I'm nineteen you…you…_flat chest!_" However the hat-stand did not offer up any witty retorts and Soul mournfully began scooping the remains of his Cheerio's off the floor.

With a depressed sigh the scythe – correction – _Death Scythe _began hunting around for the mop in the general vicinity, praying that if he just looked gormless enough it would materialize into his depressed grasp.

Recently Maka had been going through…'phases.'

One morning she'd run into his room, poured water over his head and made him listen to a very long boring story about how she'd finally become a woman, discovered her true feminine traits and was going to find her soul mate.

Soul didn't quite comprehend why she couldn't have waited until the sun had at least _risen._

Last week it had been vampires, that incident had left Maka in A&E and Soul explaining for several days why they were both covered in hickeys, three days ago it was pirates and now…

_Werewolves._

Honestly, if she wanted one that badly he'd of bought her a puppy.

His totally not jealous inner monologue of extreme woe and testosterone was cut short as the dulcet tones of hyper Swedish pop stars emitted from his back pocket.

He _really _needed to change his ring tone.

"Hello?"

"—_days."_

"I'm sorry what?"

"—_even—ays."_

"Who's gay?"

"_Sev—days."_

"Black Star are you phoning me from under a bus?" There was a pause from the other end of the line, someone snorted and there was the distinct sound of money being passed across a wooden surface.

"…_I told you he'd have caller ID." _

"Black Star is there any reason you're calling me…also stop changing my ringtone." Said assassin pretended not to have heard the last part.

"_There has to be a reason for me to call my best, most loyal, loving, caring friend?"_

"Yes." Soul sighed, how he missed normal weekends where it was only evil demonic fiends from history he had to avoid. "Normally it's because you have landed yourself in jail or forgotten how to boil water."

"_How rude, I know how to boil water! What god doesn't-"_

"Black Star you tried to use a stick of dynamite."

"_You mean that's not how you do it?" _Soul sighed and pretended he was actually talking to an extremely busty blonde, who oddly enough looked a bit like Maka, and was being offered dinner and many, many naughty things like-

"Was there a point to this or did you just feel like inflicting suffering onto my already unstable mind?"

"_Oho! Someone got up on the wrong side of the pinky this morning." _

"The pinky?" He could almost see Black Star filling with hot air at being able to outwit Soul.

"_You know, wrapped around Maka's little finger and all that jazz."_

"Well if you must know she's out hunting werewolves." To anyone else this conversation may have seemed odd, or possibly outright crazy. To Black Star and Soul this was considered a fairly normal.

"_Oh. I heard they need virgin sacrifices." _

"I'm sorry what?"

"_Sacrifices. Virgins. Werewolves."_

"I heard you the first time!"

"_Yeah, poor guys, where on earth are they going to find a virgin?" _

"Um. Hello? _Maka?!" _There was a series of snorts and the sound of someone leaving the room to go howl outside.

"_Oh Soul, you're such a naïve kid!_" Soul resisted the urge to throw his cell phone at the wall. He was older than Black Star damn it!

"Maka is a virgin!" he exclaimed loudly, the people walking past in the street stared up at the apartment in awe.

More laughter.

"_Yeah. She's at least…25 percent virgin." _Soul began wondering if there was some big inside joke he wasn't in on. _"Well I was going to phone to ask if you wanted to come have a dude night but since you're only going to bitch about Maka and her 'virginity'" _Soul could almost see the inverted commas, _"then don't bother, Kilick and I will just party by ourselves!" _

"Party?" Soul scoffed, "please. You'll end up zoning out on World of Warcraft for three hours staring at the elves chests!" Which wasn't completely accurate, sometimes they stared at their arses as well.

"_And you claim to be a straight kid Soul…"_

"I am _not _a _kid!_" he seethed, "or gay!" he added hastily. Not missing the snorts from the other end of the line.

"_Keep telling yourself that whilst you mop up the floor in an apron." _The dial tone echoed throughout the apartment and Soul leaned out the window and stared imploring at the sky.

"Why are you such an asshole?" The sky did not offer any answers.

* * *

"You look like crap."

"I love you to Wesley," Soul sneered. His older brother, for some reason covered from head to foot in flour wearing neon orange socks on his wrists, gave him a very amused look before sliding out the way of the entry.

"Maka off chasing merman again?"

"Werewolves…" Soul sighed and accepted the cupcake Wes offered, poking the icing butterfly in misdirected frustration.

"Well at least you'll have a nice throw rug this time round," Wes joked lamely. Soul didn't laugh.

"I don't get it." he admitted slowly, "why on earth is she chasing after all these crazy people anyway!"

"You mean what do they have that you don't?"

"I hate you and your ability to know everything."

"What can I say? It's hard being this wonderful." Soul threw a cupcake at his darling siblings head, the elder Evans ducked, looking suitably peeved when the pastry flew straight through his newly cleaned windows.

"What on earth did you make those out of?!" Soul exclaimed, "Steel?!"

Wes opened his mouth, possibly to deliver a very derogative insult when a pounding knock sounding at his door.

"Who on earth is that?" Soul muttered and Wes glared at him.

"Oh so am I only allowed to get visits from my depressed younger brother who hurls my cupcakes through my windows?! Then complains!" Soul didn't have time to continue with their banter as, speak of the devil, Maka flounced in through the door. How she had managed to get in remains a mystery.

"Wes!" She cried, said Evan's sibling blinked in confusion before Maka had thrown herself against his chest and began sobbing.

Soul began grinding the table into a fine powder within his fists.

"Maka!" He exclaimed loudly, "Wes isn't a werewolf! Get your hands off him!" Maka, as if only just noticing Soul's presence, tilted her head round to stare at her fuming weapon with cool irritation.

"Free issued a restraining order."

"…Free?! Wait. Restraining order?!" Soul was having a hard time speaking coherently and was also turning a rather nasty blue. "What does Wes have to do with it?" he turned his steely gaze onto the even more bewildered older brother.

"The way to a gir-_woman's _heart is through fairy cakes Evans."

"_Evans. __**Evans.**_**" **Soul was ready to erupt. "You!" He threw an accusatory finger at his brother, red eyes narrowing with malice, "You're the one that took the 75 percent! Aren't you! Cradle snatcher!"

"Honestly don't be such a baby!" Maka seethed, not relinquishing her hormonal grip on the flustered Wes, "Older men are hot!"

There was a deafening pause.

"Ah, awkward silences…there is nothing I love in this world more, except perhaps getting my toenails pulled off." Soul growled and threw another cupcake at his brother who had no time to dodge and received a nice head full of icing.

"…did you just-" another cupcake hit him square on the forehead Maka, despite herself, giggled.

Wes felt his eye's narrow and before he could even comprehend his course of action, he'd picked up the first object he could get his hands on and hurled it at his brother.

It was unfortunately a rather large amount of cake mix.

The gooey mixture ran down Soul's beet red face, his hands were trembling in suppressed rage.

Wes laughed in triumph, it's not like he had any survival sense in the first place.

"Oh. It's on now."

"Soul don't you da-" Maka was cut off as a rather large amount of left over mix hit her from both sides, Soul gaped in horror and Wes pressed his lips into a thin line, his sides heaving from concealed laughter.

The sudden stillness that invaded the room was daunting, Maka said nothing. She simply shook her now gunk covered hair out her eyes and calmly walked over to the fridge, pulling out a rather large amount of food, sloppy, irremovable stain kind of food.

Soul gulped.

A mass of inexplicable tumble weed rolled across the kitchen floor.

Maka fired, a large amount of green jelly hurtling through the air and splattering on the cream wall where Soul's head had been moments before.

"Hey!" Wes exclaimed before being silenced by another onslaught of pudding.

Diving Soul managed to kick the main table over, creating a make shift barricade as he frantically searched around for ammo.

"Wes, why on earth do you have fluffy handcuffs under the sink?!" Wes turned the same colour as the red jelly before joining his sibling behind their barricade.

"Tell your meister to stop messing up my precious cakes!" howled the poor elder brother, desperately trying to clean the goo out his formally flawless hair.

"Maybe when you stop being a lecherous-OW! Maka that was my eye!" Soul would never figure out how on earth his meister had managed to rebound a _cupcake _but his sudden exclamation brought momentary calm back in the room.

Wes smeared icing into Soul's hair.

"That," he muttered, "was for the insult to my confections."

* * *

Hot showers were nice.

Hot showers meant Soul could relax and be at peace with his inner scythe, hot showers whilst the meister you adored (though very subtly, really. No one had guessed) slept next door, on his brother's bed, whilst said brother was drying his now cake free hair shirtless.

Yeah.

Not relaxing.

"Soul you're going to use up all my hot water!" Soul decided to ignore the statement, opting to turn on more heat for his sadistic entertainment.

"Why on earth do you have such girly shampoo? I'm going to end up smelling like a fruit salad!" Wes huffed and rolled his eyes; Soul spied the movement in the mirror and in a deft movement turned the hose on Wes, drenching the unsuspecting Evan's in icy water.

"You…you…" Soul grinned like Maka had just flounced in naked and the dripping elder sibling suddenly stood stock upright, leant over the rim of the bathtub, beamed like an angel and dropped the hairdryer.

Soul's screaming, not only highly effeminate, made his day.

Then his charcoal, slightly burnt, porcupine style hair do he had to suffer with for the rest of the week made his year.

"You should cosplay Black Star!" Maka suggested in an attempt to be kind when she next saw him; if looks could kill the whole of Shibusen would be a crater.

"You could have _killed _me!"

"Oh yes," Wes muttered, "the famous Soul Eater Evans, outwitted Medusa, murdered Asura, achieved youngest death scythe and killed by a hairdryer. Right, of course, I'll be sure to send flowers." Maka snorted into her pancakes and Soul mumbled some very foul language he'd of never have used round Shinigami.

"You're an asshole Wesley."

"_Wesley?" _Maka gaped in horror.

"Shut up Solomon."

"_Solomon?!" _Soul blended into the now strawberry coloured walls and Maka was gawking at him as if he was a very bizarre animal remain.

"Didn't he ever tell you that?"

"_Shut UP Wes." _Soul hissed and Wes beamed like the angel he secretly was and took a seat opposite Maka.

"No he didn't. I can kinda see why though…" She shot her poor weapon a half pitying, half amused glance before turning back to Wes – Satan had a face, he wore pink oven gloves – and smiling asked, "what else hasn't he told me?"

"Wes don't you-"

"He used to cross-dress." Maka inhaled her spoon, Soul fell out his chair and the moon imploded.

"Wh-what?" the poor girl managed to croak, after receiving a rather hasty Heimlich manoeuvre from the brothers, Soul was trying to kill Wes with sheer willpower.

"He used to," the elder repeated slowly, "dress…like. A. Girl."

"I didn't!" Soul's voice broke as he shattered the octaves.

"Oh Mama still has the pictures, if you want I can-" Soul exploded out his seat.

"Wes tried to eat his girlfriend!"

"_WHAT?!" _

"It's true!" Soul was stood up now, slamming his hands off the table and feeling more empowered by the look of growing horror on his brother's face, "he had the marinade out and everything!"

Maka gave Wes a terrified glance and said Evans merely shrugged, composure back in place, as if Soul had just announced he had once pet a dog.

"It was all the rage in Germany," was the only comment he offered.

"You are both insane!"

"No we aren't! We have rape alarms!"

"What on earth does that-"

"_Everything." _Maka decided to take their word for it and go back to the delicious stack of chocolate covered heaven, pretending that if she focused on the pancakes normality would just catch up to her.

"Well as wonderful as it is entertaining a toddler and an escaped lunatic I have things to do, work, cakes…sex." Soul mumbled something that rhymed with 'Hun in a ditch' into his drink and scowled.

"In that order?" Maka joked; Soul shot her a glance but was to slow with his warning.

"Normally at the same time, I'm extremely flexible that way." Wes beamed, "cake?"

* * *

Maka didn't quite understand why she decided to smash all the water pipes in her and Soul's apartment; it certainly had nothing to do with the relocation back into Wes's household.

That's for sure.

He hadn't looked amused in the slightest when two very wet, miserable looking kid's he'd tried to electrocute showed up on his doorstep only a day – hour – after he'd gotten rid of them.

Maka would have been hurt but he had answered the door without a shirt on, honestly if only she could get Soul that well trained.

"You again?" he drawled before stepping out the way, "I was in the middle of something actually," Soul looked up from wiping his hair on Wes's coat, giving his brother a venomous glance.

"We didn't choose to come here you know!"

"Oh. I can phone up Black Star if you'd really prefer-" his hand was reaching for his mobile and Soul quite literally hurled himself at his sibling.

"NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"Ok." Then quite unexpectedly he added, "Strip poker then?"

"_What?_" Blair, Yumi and Marie suddenly materialized from around the corner. Maka, never one to turn down a challenge, marched stiffly into the living room after the snickering kitty.

"Wha…?"

"Told you I was busy little brother." He winked, "maybe if you flaunted your looks your darling meister wouldn't be repeatedly damaging your boiler and gallivanting with unicorns."

To this day Soul could never quite work out what he meant and Maka never attempted to enlighten him.

"So, full house?" Maka beamed as she laid her flawless hand onto the carpet, Blair had long been excluded from the game as she took her clothes off at every opportunity regardless to who had won, Yumi cheated and Marie reduced to an blithering idiot whenever anyone had to remove items of clothing. Wes looked sorely disappointed, disturbingly enough so did Soul.

"Again?" Soul groaned, he looked pityingly down at what remained of his clothes and glared at his brother, "I thought you were good at this?!"

"I don't normally play against girls with stupidly high IQ's. It's more fun for me that way." Maka giggled and stared expectantly at the two sat opposite her.

"Come on then I haven't got all night."

"Actually you have two agonising weeks according to your plumber."

"Oh just shut up and take off your pants!" Both boys blinked and Maka began to glow a luminous red in the fading light.

"25 percent…more like 15…"

"Oh shut up the pair of you!" Maka growled, leaping to her feet and storming into the guest bedroom, the door slamming loudly throughout the apartment. Soul glared at the ceiling expectantly.

"Well, that was…enlightening."

"Shut up you perve."

"I wasn't the one having a nosebleed every time Blair took her shirt off."

"Yeah but…you were the one who invited her!" Soul argued and Wes looked momentarily baffled.

"…Touché…" was all he muttered in response, "by the way you might want to book the Albarn in for a hair cut. The red roots are coming through."

"MY HAIR IS NATURAL!"

"Yeah, like Blair's chest."

"Goodnight _Wesley." _And, as if an added afterthought she went on to say, "Night Solomon!"

Soul and Wes both looked at each other, a twin look of mischief on their faces, only their mother (and the opposing sibling) had the right to call them _that. _

Before the poor meister could blink the door was open and she was being tangled in a array of limbs, flung backwards onto the guest bed with an Evan's on each arm, breathing as if she'd just ran a marathon.

In unison the brothers leaned in close, warm breath tickling the skin of her petite ears and whispered, "Goodnight."

She didn't sleep a wink.

* * *

"HOLD ME!" Maka grunted as Soul practically flew into her lap, burying his head into her collar and looking anywhere but the screen in front of him.

"Soul get off!" The air whooshed out her lungs as her weapon clung to her like a koala, Wes began eating her popcorn.

"Ssh," the elder Evan's chastised, "I'm trying to watch this." The screen flickered with a scene change, going from one horrifically bloody road, to the next one with a brief round of heavy metal.

"Oh it's not exactly in depth Wesley!" Maka snapped around her mortified scythe who only griped her tighter when she tried to move, she wouldn't have minded had _certain people _not decided to climb into her bed and keep her up all night by breathing into her ear and wrapping their arms around her…she was just going to stop there. "He's killed some guys, so has he and they are both trying to prove they have bigger penises than the other! How is that involved?!"

"Sexy women?"

"In bikinis!" Soul chimed in, feeling the strong urge to reaffirm his masculinity whilst cowering in the little girl's lap.

"I am surrounded by idiots…" Wes's laugh was cut short as he was once again distracted by another spontaneous gun fight that seemed to revolve around who was sleeping with the 14th girl in a leather miniskirt.

"How do they even move in those?" She wondered out loud, Soul braved a glance at the screen and Wes seemed to be considering the question.

"To prove how badass they are, the smaller the amount of clothing a girl fights in, the sexier and more hard core she is." Soul nodded at his brother's seemingly infinite wisdom, Maka gave the smartarse a glare.

"Then why aren't the men running around in boxers?"

"Because that would be silly," he paused, "and not very sexy."

"It would be for me…" She griped, sighing as the film reached the overused emotional scene, it was somewhat ruined by the way Soul suddenly moved his grip to her waist and Wes absentmindedly started playing with her hair.

It made it very hard to sympathize with Mr. Macho and Comrade Beefy.

"Tch." Soul scoffed, finally able to look now that the bloody remains of school children had been removed from his vision, "how on earth do they expect us to believe he's driving that car on a roof whilst making out in a thunder storm and _not _getting hit by lightning?"

"Well he is a badass?" Maka offered. Soul and Wes looked at her carefully. It was like being in school again, when the two people you admired the most finally noticed who you were and started considering letting you into their circle.

"Yes." Wes agreed as Soul shifted against her side, the elder draping an arm round the back of the sofa and pulling the pair of them in tighter, "exactly right Maka." That was the first time he'd ever said her name and, as she snuggled further down into the embrace of the most insane siblings she knew, Maka decided she really liked it.

A lot.

Two for one, not a bad deal…

**A/N: **(nose-bleed) damn you Albarn...


	26. MakaKid: Ode to a cliche

**Title: **ode to a cliche  
**Summary: **Maka Albarn was never one to bow to pressure.  
**Pairing: **MakaKid  
**Length: **894  
**Author: **Pippin!  
**A/N: **Wow. Finally got back to Kid, it was only a matter of time! Sorry about the relatively random updates, I am currently in the middle of my exams so my updates will be slower. Fierce is epic and can write like the wind so she'll probably trounce me. Also, to everyone who wanted KidMaka, we give you MakaKid. It's the same thing except Maka is wearing the pants. I left it an open ender otherwise I would have written a glorious tale about evil cliches and bad destiny but alas, if you want that we'll do it later. Also, I blame James. He knows why.

* * *

When Death the Kid answered the door at 2am he certainly did not expect to see a flustered Maka Albarn on the other side.

In fact, when he opened the door at 2am he didn't even expect to see _anyone _on the other side – victim once again to Black Star's knock-door-run scheme, so he was momentarily caught off guard as the panting meister glared at him from his porch.

Glancing at the sky he briefly checked for flying pigs, there was surely a law that_Maka_ _Albarn _never left her apartment without Soul. He was like her handbag, a piano playing part scythe handbag that she never left home without chaining to her hip.

"Can I help you?" He asked far too politely for a man who had just had his beauty sleep interrupted.

"Why?" She asked unexpectedly, he blinked.

"Why am I helping you? Why did I answer the door? Why am I cursed with asymmetry? You are going to have to narrow it down a bit Maka," She frowned and invited herself in, barging past with a rather uncomfortable elbow to his gut.

"Why did you look so surprised to see me?!"

"Well, this is night time Maka," he began slowly; "most people are sleeping." She seemed even more infuriated by his answer for some unfathomable reason she he tried again, "because you left the house without Soul?"

"_See!_" She suddenly wailed and Kid assumed he'd hit the nail on the head and would hopefully get back to his symmetrical dreams soon.

"Not really."

"Do you believe in fate Kid?" she queried unpredictably, tonight was definitely a night for getting caught of guard he mused.

"You aren't going to go introspective on me are you? Because I get enough of that from Black Star and Tsubaki…" she thumped him on both arms, understanding that he clearly wouldn't be able to go on if only one arm was bruised.

"My mama and papa were weapon and meister! Black Star and Tsubaki are weapon and meister, Marie and Stein…do you understand?"

"That our lives are caught in a never-ending sitcom?"

"_No! _I'm doomed!" Surely they were exactly the same thing? "Soul and I are next! Don't you get it? I hate clichés!" Kid didn't really understand what was so distressing about the whole situation, Soul was nice – a bit of a temperamental runaway but still nice and what any of this had to do with him he'd never understand.

"I don't quite-"

"I don't want to end up like Mama and Papa! I don't want to submit to the pressure!" Kid frowned and tried to picture a 30 year old Soul lurking round in strip clubs crying about Maka and flirting with everything with a pulse…

He started laughing.

"Something funny Kid?!"

"Honestly Maka you're overreacting! It's not that bad." She looked at him like he'd just told her that symmetry was totally over-rated.

"Mama and Papa don't talk anymore, Marie and Stein are perfectly happy and Black Star and Tsubaki are planning on getting married…_married._" She spat the word like it was a bad tasting confection.

"And this is bad…how?"

"Nobody wants _happy _Kid!?"

"They don't?" She pulled her hair in frustration and Kid felt his fingers twitch, her bunches were asymmetrical.

"_No!_" she roared "You know what happy really means?!"

"Happy: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment or joy, causing or characterised by pleasure, feeling satisfied that-" she waved his perfect, dictionary definition answer away with a wild flailing of her arms, now her clothes were asymmetrical. This was turning into a nightmare.

"No! It means _boring." _He stared at her ruined symmetry for a few seconds before registering her speech.

"No it doesn't." he answered petulantly.

"Yes. Yes it does. Its predictable, boring and nothing like what a girl wants in life!" Perhaps, Kid thought as Maka continued ranting; this was one of those 'female things' that Liz often talked about and since he wasn't a 'womb carrier' he'd never get it.

"Where's the excitement if I end up doing exactly what everyone expects me to do?!" she finished, crossing her arms across her chest as if waiting for his retort.

"I fail," he began slowly "to see what _any _of this has to do with me."

"_You_ are exactly what everyone's not expecting _me_ to go for." She answered with a cat like smirk, "you're arrogant, smarmy, compulsive, totally ruled by regulations, rich, boring, a god and you are quite possibly asexual."

"..I am not boring." He mumbled half heartedly in retort.

"Kid you're idea of fun is re-organising cabinets and measuring candles." He conceded she did have a point. "Don't you see Kid? We're horrific for one another!" she beamed at him from across the coffee table, her logic hurt his brain.

"I don't-"

"In order to defy clichés we must all make sacrifices," she cut him off solemnly, as if quoting from a deeply religious text, then abruptly started smiling again. He'd need a score card for this one; also her hair was still a mess…

"So Kid, how do you feel about trampling destiny?"


	27. SoulMakaMedusa: A Moment of Eternity

**Title: **A Moment in Eternity

**Author: **F to the I to the ERCE!

**Pairing: **Soul/Maka/Medusa

**Note: **I am so sorry! I was supposed to put up a crack challenge that Frazz issued but my entire hardrive has been whiped clean. You can imagine that I'm in freakout mode. But since I feel bad about not updating I'm putting one of my unposted stories here. It's also on my other account but whatever, dont go screaming plagiarism.

Thanks for your patience guys!

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It's an eternal dance. Two entities, anomalies, _raw powers_ duking it out for an eternity of a moment. _Her_ moves are strategized, strange and magical. **Hers** unpracticed, new, raw, random and powerful. But above all else she is dangerous.

It's an odd thing realising that the person you're fighting, the person who once feared _you_, who _you_ once brushed off as a simple pawn could be just as dangerous as you are.

Medusa cannot predict _**her**_ as she can Stein, Marie or Chrona. **She** is swift and deadly like a hurricane; a force of nature.

Maka cannot peg _her_. _She_ is an enigma to the girl, predictable as a waterfall but so incessant in her barrage that that doesn't really matter.

There is a code of respect among enemies like them. A nemesis will never underestimate their counterpart. Often they are very much the same except for one glaring difference. Another part of the code is that in a fight they are the center of the world; the goal, no one else exists but them. The last is that in a fight..._there are no rules_.

Soul doesn't exist to Maka. In that moment he was just a weapon, poised to destroy the obstacle blocking **her**, at **her** disposal. His shouts of worry fall on deaf ears, he fears she's lost herself to the madness that permeates the enclosed room they're in and surrounds them like a poisonous gas, silent, deadly and undetectable. That wasn't the case. **She** was in full control. But it was a secret; a dangerous tango between **her** and Medusa that should one miss a step it would be over and the other would rise victorious.

Medusa hears Soul's shouts and threats through she tries to ignore them too. In a moment of weakness she finds herself wishing she had someone to worry for _her _state of mind.

Her relapse of concentration allowed Maka her opening. She felt herself crash into the wall but didn't at the same time.

_She_ laughs maniacally as a twisted smile reaches Maka's face. It's not the insanity causing it, it's _her_.

"We're very alike you and I," Medusa continues to laugh as blood fills her lungs and air becomes scarce.

"She's nothing like you!" Soul shouts. And Maka still can't hear him.

"Ah, you'd like to believe that wouldn't you?"

Medusa is happy in her last moments. She has had a prideful, well deserved and totally appropriate end.

She is satisfied in knowing that _she_ has passed the torch unto someone as worthy as this storm cloud of power, this technician...this _Maka_. She is satisfied in knowing that _she_ has won.

Corrupting the truly righteous is always a villains greatest accomplishment.

And so _she_ dies, lulled into eternal sleep by the echoes of her nemesis' name shouted by someone who loves **her**.

**Note: **Don't forget to submit something to our contest guys! We're accepting entries until september and we would love to have you! Grand Prize winner gets featured here AND owns us for 5000 words. There are also many more smaller but still awesome prizes!


	28. Melee: Twist of Lemon Zest

**Title: **Twist of Lemon Zest  
**Summary: **Ways they never, ways they could of, ways they should of possibly met.  
**Author: **Piparoo!  
**Length: **4,734  
**Pairings: **Pretty much everything people.  
**A/N: **I am getting all this 'AU' stuff out my system now in these 26 mini-shots otherwise the world will most definately suffer for it. Also, steal any of these and you die. Also, also! Spot the inspiration! XD A game for the whole family to enjoy :D (Blame James for any and all chat-up lines used.)

* * *

**The one with the late appointment**

Soul Eater Evans hated needles; he hated them more than bad action films and foot fungi.

He tapped his foot restlessly on the sparkling clean linoleum floor, his converse making a high pitch wail as he dragged them back across the surface – the receptionist bit her lip and glared at him over the top of her glasses.

Served her right for working with _EVIL. _

Smug he'd managed to cause at least some discomfort he continued with his musical production of the squeaky tiles – he'd almost mastered Phantom of the Opera! – when the door swung open and the doctor strode confidently out.

"Soul Eater Evans?" he nodded, "I'm Maka Albarn - I'll be administrating the injection."

It was a bit masochistic but suddenly needles were the best type of foreplay he'd ever heard of.

**The one with the stolen car**

"I'm telling you – that chick was at least a 7."

"Tch, no way. A 4 at best, you only liked her because her breasts were bigger than you." Spirit shot a glare at his nonchalant meister and continued to march down the street in a way that made women swoon – in his opinion.

"She didn't just have big breasts!" He argued relentlessly, "her ass was _fine _as well." Stein considered this.

"Can I dissect her?"

"No."

"Not interested."

"Do you even have a single, tiny, functioning hormone?" Spirit cut the mad scientists reply off with a dismissive – not to mention effeminate – wave of his hand. "Never mind, just let me stick to picking up the girls ok?"

"Whatever." Stein lit up a cigarette, leaning against a wall and generally giving off the aura of 'I'm a badass, come and get it ladies.' Spirit pretending he was a particularly elaborate piece of graffiti and continued his woman-hunt.

"Her." He flourished a finger, cuffs billowing in a non-existent breeze.

"Who? The blonde? Again? What is it with you and blondes?"

"I like my women like my beer!" Stein made no comment about that ridiculous statement and opted to glare menacingly at a small child – because he was a nice guy like that, "you know I bet she'll totally dig me, she's totally into redheads – I've got a sense for these things, when you're a genius such as myself you automatically respond to the-"

"She's stolen your car."

"Son of a bitch!"

Spirit then proceeded to run his ass of down the street.

("…definitely a 10!" was all he said the next morning.)

**The one with the bad stereotypes**

Crona liked having her locker on the bottom level; it kind of gave her a reminder of her place in the hierarchy of the school.

She was number two. Liked merely because Maka Albarn deemed her worthy, never going to be any prettier, smarter or stronger than the girl with it all, a sigh escaped her lips and she proceeded to take out her history text book, absentmindedly pulling out the post-it notes she'd used last lesson.

A shadow fell across her back and she became distinctly aware of two strong arms leaning around her wiry frame.

"Ex-excuse me…" she squeaked, spinning round to glare at the inconsiderate idiot who invaded her personal space. The boy had thick black hair, deep golden eyes and kick flipped his skateboard up against the locker next to hers.

_Great…_Crona internally whined, _a skater…_

"You new?" She stated bluntly, ready to grab Maka and lay down the ground rules with this punk. He smiled.

"You interested?"

**The one with the bank robbery **

She probably wouldn't have done this if her mother was around, or if she wasn't stuck in the most prestigious university in the country with not even a dime to her name but then again, she probably wouldn't have been able to do a lot of things with money…

The bank was out of the way enough not to be noticed but just big enough for some cash - she _needed_ this, without it she'd never qualify, let alone feed herself - she spied her victim by the booth toward the back.

A thin girl, long black hair and easy enough to intimidate, it would only take a few well placed threats and her newly acquired notes would be hers – she was also completely, utterly and undoubtedly _alone. _

Taking a deep breath she headed for the board of offers, not letting the girl out her sights. She didn't want to rush this, had to wait for the right moment…

"Excuse me?" Maka jumped, internally screaming in surprise, spinning on her heel to give the man behind her a cool glare.

"Yes?" The woman had finished signing something, looking over it a few times before heading toward the queue, _damn it! _

"Do you mind telling me what you're doing in here?" He was a bit of an arse in her opinion, top of the line suit, flawless hair and eyes that make you want to love him – the kind of guy that was raised to expect all to do his bidding.

_I'm going to mug that woman, _"I'm here for the new offers," she responded bitterly, daring him to disagree, which he did.

"Oh? Well I think-"

"_EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" _At first Maka froze, fear gripping her system before anger takes its place, this was _her _heist damn it.

The man next to her looked blank, as if he'd had guns waved in his face before, however the robber was not going to wait around to allow Maka to ask.

"Hey did you hear me bitch?! On the _fucking _ground!"

_Bad idea, _she thought forlornly. Her father had been a cop for 20 years and she'd learnt a few tricks of the trade, as soon as the man took another step she grabbed the gun arm and flipped him over, the weapon sliding to the feet of the jackass she'd been talking to earlier.

With easy nonchalance he disassembled the gun just as the police came tearing down the street.

"Good job," he said – a hint of something in his eyes – he took her hand and shook it, "see you around."

When Maka got home she found a plastic business card in her back pocket.

_Call me – Death the Kid. _

"…arrogant rich boy…"

**The one with the musical **

_Snort. _

"Shut up."

_Snicker. _

"I-I can't…can't help it!"

Soul really didn't know why the symmetry obsessed freak – who he'd met a grand total of 10 minutes ago - was laughing…it wasn't like he was doing any better.

"Yeah, well…you're in a tutu. A pink one." Kid was still hysterical so for added emphasis he tagged on accusingly, "with frills."

"I'm as straight as a protractor."

_Damn. Foiled. _Soul frowned, it was true – Black Star had warned him of the 'gay factor' if he joined up with this…even if it was for chicks.

"And comfortable with it," the boy apparently known as Kid went on, "you on the other hand…Mr. Macho of the year…" Kid went off giggling once more, nearly crying as he doubled up by the end of it.

"…are you done?" Soul prompted, Kid shook his head, took one look at him and started spluttering once more, "take a picture it will last-"

_Flash. _

"…did you just?"

"Yep."

"I hate you." Both boys stared each other down, Kid's camera disappeared someone up his sleeve, along with a skateboard, an umbrella and half the prop department, Soul sighed "I'm Soul Eater Evans. Straight, dumped by lazy parents. You?"

"Death the Kid." He smiled, "And not for long Evans."

**The one with the betting**

"You took my 50 dollars?!"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch Evans!"

"50. Dollars. _Cash. _My gaming money!" Black Star sighed melodramatically and gave the white haired boy a narked glare.

"And you wonder why women don't find you attractive!"

"They find me more attractive than they do you!" Soul glared at the big-headed idiot he called a friend before glancing round the store, "alright. I know how to settle this."

"Gambling?"

"Gambling." Black Star grinned.

"Right, see those chicks over there?" He gestured to the two blonde girls – possibly sisters - over by the computer game section, "I bet 50 dollars and a week's worth of gloating I can get them to go out with me." Soul gave the other boy a smug glance.

"Deal." They shook, Black Star gestured for Soul to go first.

With a flick of his wrist Soul gestured for the two ladies with his index finger, both girls looked round in confusion before slowly making their way over.

"Hey do I know you?" the eldest asked, Soul winked at Black Star.

"Hey ladies…I just made you come with one finger…imagine what I could do with one hand."

Needless to say, Soul got his money back.

**The one with the one night stand**

Her hips swung in a graceful arc, pale, almost naked legs glistening with light sweat as she drowned in the pounding bass line. Her long, blonde hair plastered against her forehead and neck, she was dancing like a pro.

Maybe she was. He had no idea…

Her gaze turned on him, sauntering over with the liquid courage hammering round her system.

"Hi," she breathed against his lips, causing his whole body to tense with anticipation "I'm Medusa…"

"Stein," was all he managed as he managed as her hand drifted lower, bunching just under his shirt.

**The one where they know but don't really know each other **

'Get it, get out and _no _funny business.'

Those were the last, comforting words her boss had given to her before she set out on her mission, a fancy dress and a fake ID as her only protection.

It was easy enough getting into the party, just one sultry smile at the bouncer and he was putty in her very capable hands.

Then she was among them, the swirling mass of frills and black Armani that she could barely tell one person from the other. That was when she saw _him, _stood stiffly at the back, one drink in hand looking about as thrilled to be here as she was.

"Hi," she had spoke and moved before she could even question her actions – _no funny business _– she was only blending better…

"Hi?"

"I'm Liz Thompson," she held out a hand which he reluctantly took, spinning them both off into the sea of expensive fabrics.

"Death the Kid," he replied snippily, a small hint of a smile on his lips; "you're going to rob my father aren't you?" She grinned back in return, his amusement at the situation on fuelling her own.

"Wanna help?"

**The one with the Bluetooth **

"Hey. Psst!" Marie awaited no response from the obviously uninterested companion before shoving her mobile phone under his nose, "check this out. What kind of dork has 'Frankenstein101' as their ID?!" she snorted, "what a retard huh!?"

The stranger lowered his book, 'anatomy of the human body.'

"…that's mine."

…

"…bugger."

"Quite."

"…when I said 'retard' I meant it in a joking, sisterly kind of way." She fumbled around for words, the stranger's unwavering stare drilling a hole through her skull, "Y'know, like when someone says 'You're gay!' but the person isn't actually gay…right?"

He blinked.

"It's better than 'Miss-Sexy-Blonde' at any rate."

"Yeah that's right – hey wait!"

**The one with the closet romantic **

Yumi stared down the length of her sniper, eyes narrowed in concentration as target after target was blown to smithereens by her weapon.

She was ruthless, she was unstoppable, she was a cold blooded killer and she was currently being hugged by a complete stranger…

"Hi!" Sang the over-excited mass draped around her form, "I'm Marie, I'm new here and-"

"Miss," Yumi began smoothly, cutting the blonde off mid-introduction, "if you are enquiring about your new rank and housing then you should go to the-"

"Oh no silly!" She cut her off this time, Yumi began feeling the tell-tale signs of a headache coming on, "I found this and I was wondering if it was-" the hard cover, limited edition version of 'Romeo and Juliet' was promptly shoved under Yumi's jumper and the newbie found herself staring down the barrel of a gun.

"Mention this to anyone and you _die." _

**The one with the bad timing **

"Hey," Tsubaki regarded the blue haired boy with something akin to mild horror, "fuck me if I'm wrong but is your name Francis?" Unsure whether to slap or throttle the boy the poor weapon settled for staring straight ahead.

There was a pause.

"Do you know my pillow and your hair is perfectly colour coordinated?"

"_This,_" Tsubaki hissed, gesturing at the aggrieved crowd of her loved ones, "is a _funeral." _The other boy grinned.

"God I don't think we're related if that's what you're trying to-"

"I am _trying,_" she cast a quick glance and smiled nervously at the frowning adults a few seats in front of her, "to mourn the loss of my grandfather!"

"Don't worry; I'll cuddle you all night."

"_Sssh!" _

"Sorry!" Tsubaki squeaked, the vicar's eyes narrowed slightly before he went back to his reading.

"My name's Black Star, how am I doing so far?"

"_SSH!" _

Tsubaki slapped a palm to her forehead.

**The one with the mortification **

Oh god. This couldn't be happening.

If there was a higher celestial being then the act of pure evil that was about to occur would be averted…hopefully in a very subtle, non-embarrassing way.

The cashier cleared his throat and tapped the microphone.

"Wait-" he croaked uselessly but all was lost.

"Price check, extra-pleasure, glow in the dark, ribbed condoms! I repeat: extra pleasure!"

The silence in the store was deafening. A bunch of teenaged boys began giggling at the back.

"When I snap," Asura hissed, glaring at the acne covered shop assistant, "you'll be the first on my list."

And with as much dignity as he could muster the demon-god to be fled from the store, 2 blocks away he finally stopped running.

"Hey, you might wanna wear these for a while till people forget…" a scarf was dropped onto his head, "oh and you forgot these!" along with the pack of condoms. Asura howled in rage, Shinigami beamed with glee.

**The one with the hidden agenda **

Marie was driving home, this was fairly normal, she had stopped off at Starbucks to grab a coffee, out of her routine journey but still acceptable, a young teenaged boy had just thrown himself in front of her car.

…

In front of…her car…

"Oh my god! I'll have to call you back Yumi!" Dashing out into the street, praying to high heaven there was a ditch near by the unfortunate driver prodded the unmoving boy with the heel of her particularly sharp shoes.

"Psst."

No response.

"Psst, are you dead?"

A grunt.

"No."

"…oh…that's good because I need to get home and drink the rest of my coffee. Do you need a ride?"

BJ smirked, his plan was all falling into place.

**The one with the stupid T-shirt**

"I think you should know," the pink haired beauty he'd been sat next to for the past 3 hours finally announced, "that I am _not _stupid."

Ox blinked. He beamed.

"So you're with me then?!"

"…"

**The one with the evil parents **

"So…" Wes began shifting his weight from foot to foot, looking anywhere but the girl in front of him, "you're my fiancé then?"

"Paedophile."

"I am not!" Maka growled and kicked him sharply in the shins.

"I'm like…50 years younger than you!" Wes looked a cross between offended and in mortal agony.

"I'm only 19!" He whined, still hopping around his living room one foot.

"I'm only _14_!" She hissed back, they glared at one another from a safe distance before Wes finally decided to break the silence.

"…I'll get the chainsaw, you get the body bags."

**The one in the dungeons **

The pain, Crona mused, was nothing. It was the time between her suffering that drove her to the brink of insanity, the endless waiting – waiting for her next meal, for rescue, for _death _– would she get out?

(Blunt answer? No.)

See the problem with torture was the _slowness _of it. It wasn't quick. _Oh no. _But that was the whole point – they wanted to drag it out. Most people assume dying is the greatest fear of any mortal – be it man, woman or child – but in reality…it's the wait that gets you.

Crona allowed a weak smile to crawl across her features, lying in the abyss certainly made you a poet…

"Hey," a weak voice called out from the perpetual blackness, dark, squeaky and a what her voice would probably sound like if she remembered how to use it, "you'll get out of here."

Ragnarok pressed his hand to the cool stone separating them.

"You'll get out…"

**The one with the evil ex-boyfriend and tub of ice-cream**

"I mean come on! She's what…25!? He's only 18 it's practically illegal! And she's _huge. _I am not even kidding; you could fit like…4 cars in her clothes. This is why I'm eating ice cream ya see, if he wants a big girl than I'll eat my body weight in rocky road." The stranger nodded slowly.

"Right."

_A martini later…_

"I'm not bitter! He's clearly going through one of those 'elastic band' phases, I didn't mean to wash his underwear with my red jumper but he just had to make a deal out of it! Do you think it was the underwear thing? Maybe my breasts aren't big enough. Here. Feel my chest! Is that too small for you?"

"Um…"

"It is! Don't beat about the bush. I can see it in your eyes. Do you think surgery is in order? I know this great doctor and-"

_5 shots later_

"…he never slept with me! NEVER! I bet he sucks, all those stupid 'cool' references…he was so compensating!"

"Well not everyone can be as godly as-"

"Preach brother! Speaking of church did I tell you when he-"

_2 pints of beer, another shot and a bad sing along later…_

"…this was our song…he used to _hic_ sing it to me in the car. Well anyway buddy thanks for _hic _listening!"

"Yeah…bye then um…?"

"Maka!"

"…Black Star…need a ride home in my godly car?"

**The one in the cinema, then the take away, then her garden, then his place…**

Tsubaki had never had a stalker; she never thought she was really the type for being stalked.

It had started out innocent enough, she'd seen him from across the concession stands, he'd ordered salted popcorn and accidently knocked her drink over. He wasn't good at apologising and his friends were waiting by the queue so he had to rush off, she brushed it off as bad karma and continued on her way.

He liked Chinese food she discovered later on at our local take-away, someone who seemed to own only suits enjoyed eating out the plastic containers –Tsubaki was flabbergasted – later she discovered it was simply because he'd never really learnt how to look after himself.

The dark haired girl attempted to teach the boy how to use chopsticks; he almost poked his own eye out.

A day went past before she saw her would-be stalker once again, in her garden in the rain holding a pot plant and looking rather confused.

"You're name's Tsubaki right?"

She didn't really want to ask how he knew but invited him in anyway.

**The one with the great timing**

"Hi."

Kid glanced at the scantily clad girl who smelt strongly of alcohol and promptly felt his panic metre explode right into the stratosphere.

"Hey," he replied – _go away drunken lady! _

"You here alone?" She continued, ignorant to his obvious discomfort.

_No, I'm here with my equally drunk friends. _

"Yeah," a Cheshire cat like grin crawled across her features and she draped herself against his awkward form, pressing him up against the wall he'd been leaning against.

"I'm Tammy," she cooed into his ear – Kid tried to push her off but his hands on her waist only seemed to egg her on, "wanna go somewhere more private?"

"Um. Well I'm not really sure if I-"

"Come on," she nearly whined, tugging at his collar, "you just need to get to know me a bit better."

"I don't know if I-" he spluttered, trying to pull away – she wrapped a leg round his pulling him closer.

Suddenly a hand clapped down on his shoulder, pulling him roughly away from the demon woman's grasp, Kid blinked as he found a new arm wrapped around his waist – pulling him tightly against the unknown person's form.

"You want to be his girlfriend?" The new arrival barked, the girl nodded nervously, looking between the two, "well. He's _my _girlfriend. Deal."

It took Kid 10 minutes, one shot and a slap on the back to get his voice working again.

"_GIRLFRIEND_?!" he shrieked, voice cracking as he glared at his rescuer.

"Call me Black Star sugar."

**The one with the vampires **

_His eyes hungrily tore into hers, the scent of her potent, pounding blood nearly driving him over the brink of his self control. With well practised ease he slipped an arm behind her back, nuzzling against her neck. _

"Heh! That tickles!"

"_Ssh! _We're doing this properly."

_So close, he could almost taste the delicious liquid now as he gently traced the hammering vein with his tongue-_

"Ew! Are you trying to give me a hickey?! You're slobbering all over me!"

"Would you keep still?! You're making this very difficult for me!"

"Hehe – OW!"

_He bit down gently, not enough to break the skin but just the right amount to here her gasp in plea-_

"That was not pleasure you ass! Stop biting me!"

"Well I _am _a vampire. What do you want me to do?! Play the piano? Beat up werewolves…sparkle!?"

_Patti could barely understand his words, her mind to slurred with the delightful feeling of his hands on her-_

"You want to BITE me?!"

"Listen, you're ruining this for me. Sit. _Still._"

_-on her newly exposed skin. Kid was not the prince of vampires for no reason his artful seduction was-_

"_SHIT_! Oh OW! Did you just break my nose!?"

"Stop trying to drink me! I am not a vending machine you undead freak!"

"Oh ow! I'm bleeding, bleeding over here!"

"I'll go get the band aid you pansy…"

**The one with the OC **

_Her luscious long purple hair flowed elegantly down her corset covered back, sapphire eyes glowing in the fading light. She had travelled many miles, over baron countryside to reach the hallowed ground of Shibusen, her parents had thrown her out after the incident with the village school – where he satanic powers manifested – her fake parents anyway, she had only just discovered her true heritage as an experiment-_

CRACK.

"Damn that's the third one this week…" Spirit muttered, watching as the woman's head rolled around at his feet.

"Hey!" He jerked round, a man in a swivel chair met his gaze with open hostility, "that was my kill you! I was going to dissect her!"

"You know their immune to torture..."

"But it would be so…_satisfying…_"

"…this could be the start of a beautiful relationship."

**The one with the pepper spray **

'_-and now over to Terry with the 6 o'clock news.' _

'_Haha! Thanks Ted, well it's a bad week for those in our little town, a local rapist has just escaped from the asylum and the police are frantically-'_

"Tch," with a flick of the wrist the young Shinigami watched as the screen faded to black, honestly – he didn't pay $60 a month to watch misery, disaster and death on his-

"Erm hi."

Kid felt his heart drop into China as he gaped at the fully grown man that had suddenly materialized into his living room.

"…I'm Noah…you wouldn't by chance want to sell that one of a kind-"

"Stay back! I have MACE!"

**The one with the protesting**

"2, 4, 6, 8 women are just as great!" Maka brandished her 'justice for women' sign ever higher, marching just outside the shibusen headquarters. What gave men the right to battle and not women!?

"Justice for women!" She hollered, the old man yelped and limped away as fast as his Zimmer frame could carry him, satisfied that some progress had been made Maka begin pacing the steps of the office, attempted to throw a brick through the window but stopped when the security guards began unclipping their guns.

"Free the giraffes! Free them!" Maka spun on her heal to glare at the intruder.

"Hey! Blondie! This is my protest! Get your own!" The giraffe lover spun round to glare at Maka, something in the slightly insane way she did it made the younger girl back up a tad.

"You gotta problem with me shorty?! Huh?!" the elder girl then walloped Maka round the head with her sign leaving both girls rather stunned at the exchange.

"You didn't just-" _SMACK. _"Oh. It's on now."

_THUMP._

_CRASH._

_BANG. _

"…wanna…grab…a coffee?"

"Yay donuts!"

**The one with group therapy **

"Hi…what are you in for?"

"Dissecting the innocent, you?"

"Tried to rearrange the earth to fit my aesthetics."

"Nice."

"Yeah."

**The one with the sinner**

His heart slammed against the inside of his rib cage, lungs beating his skin into a dough as they fought a desperate battle for air. Nothing was surrounding him, engulfing him, drowning his very essence.

The knife in his hand was unsteady, whether through nerves or adrenaline he couldn't tell – all he knew at that second was that he'd done it.

He'd murdered.

The world was red.

"I've been watching you for a long time Asura," the voice was thick, rich and full of omnipotent power. The boy jumped, knife clattering to the floor as he gazed into the golden eyes of death itself.

The reaper smiled, it was by far a friendly gesture.

"You have lied, you have killed, you have lusted and horded…" the reaper seemed amused as he continued to list his ever amounting sins, Asura stumbled back slightly – tripping over the remains of his latest victim.

"Yet you are in luck…my father has decided to give you another chance," death was closer now, he could make out the black iris's, the skull shaped cuff links on his pristine suit – death's child was drawing closer.

"Dare you make a deal with the devil?"

**The one with the revolution**

"I am here because I've been told you're the best," She paused, her green eyes burning through the very souls of those assembled in the dingy store room, "you're not afraid to get the job done by whatever means necessary."

One of them, the white haired noble who'd run away from home, shifted slightly – his red eyes sending a quake of repressed anxiety down her spine.

"You're all here," she ploughed on despite her mouth being so dry and her knees barely able to support her weight much longer, "because the demon god has taken something from you."

Someone chuckled, golden eyes flashed in the dark and the demon sisters each shared a hate filled glance.

"Taken something," she repeated – her voice not quite able to mask her unease any longer – a quick moment to collect her thoughts before ploughing on, "some of you are older than I am," a nod in the direction of the men and women toward the back, her mother's closest friends, "some of you aren't human."

The rainbow of eye colour shifts to meet her gaze, a pregnant silence falls as everyone waits for her words.

"Some of you are killers…some of you have been killed," that sentence felt odd on her tongue but the information she'd gathered had proved it all – "I am not asking for allies. I am not asking for friendship or loyalty. I do not want your trust nor have use for it."

Something stirs within the girl, a sense of purpose and confidence that makes her hands slam off the table and the spectators await her next words with baited breath.

"What I ask for is your power. Your hatred, body, mind and soul."

_Breath. _

Maka's lips quirk into a smile gone wrong.

"I want you to become my pawns in the game against insanity itself." Her heart hammers in her chest and her throat is raw from dehydration.

"Till checkmate."

The pawns smile.


	29. BSKid?: 10 Things I Hate About

**Title: **10 Things I Hate About Ducks, Karaoke and Kelly Clarkson

**Author: **Fiercest

**Pairings: **Oh god…who knows?

**Note: **I'm back babeh! This was a challenge from the possibly unstable CompletelyFrazzled…You Madam are CRAZY! It's all there though! So…Yeah…God I'm exhausted**. **Also, the title is in honor of the play my theatre class is putting on…well… now a few weeks ago. Wish me luck!

**Challenge: **BlackStar/Death the Kid/whoever you want to stick here. Soul and Star have a bet on, Star has 10 days to make Kid fall in love with *him*, or else he must admit Soul is so much cooler than he is and so incredibly epic and godlike etc... Now for the challenge XD First meeting in a duck pond, jumping out of cakes nude (bonus points if the cake's Wes's), 2 forced romance attempts on Kid from whoever the 3rd person is, bad 'romantic' karaoke, time travel, drunken kid!, failed cosplay, laxative abuse, overuse of the phrase 'for serious and/or your mother', getting arrested at a funeral - double points depending on the amount of prison ** jokes you can get in, an inflatable pikachu, going to the hospital as a toilet seat is stuck to someone's head

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"How do these things always happen to me?" This wasn't exactly what you'd expect the great, ludicrously arrogant, and possibly high as a kite BlackStar to be saying. Ever. Not unless he was on the Ritalin we all know he desperately needs. And probably not even then.

He was sitting on top of a capsized row boat; a ruined bouquet's worth of flowers floating around him in what he was pretty sure was polluted pond water. He shook some pond scum and water from his hair as he moaned his embarrassment. "Soul is so dead."

_8 hours earlier…_

"…Kid's a guy right?" BlackStar asked through the coffee buzz he was getting.

"Last time I checked," Soul replied tiredly, rubbing his eyes with the heals of his palms. "Why?"

"He isn't into girls?"

"No."

"Really?!"

"He's _gay_ you moron." The scythe said casually, as if it was so unbelievably obvious and they had been discussing the use of bleach with whites.

"So why doesn't he ever come on to me? I am the great BlackStar! YAHOO! I am awesome and epic beyond all proportions and-!"

"Not his type."

"I'm everyone's type Soul my friend! Uahahaha!"

"Wanna bet?"

"BRING IT ON!"

Soul winced at his friend's vigorous and quite ear shattering consent. "I bet you can't make him fall in love with you within 10 days. If you lose you have to admit that I am so much cooler than you and so incredibly epic and godlike in front of all of Shibusen."

He had preyed on his one weakness, his own pride. What a dastardly plot! Foiled again by the likes of Solomon Evans (not that that's his real name or anything O.o).

"Deal."

_Present Time__…_

"BlackStar…You are an idiot."

"Oh yeah? Well….your mother."

"Nice comeback moron." Kid gave him a flat look.

He was clearly not in the mood to remember the bet. "Yeah well…I'm not the one floating on an inflatable Pikachu in the middle of an asymmetrical, diseased duck pond."

"…_Your_ mom."

X-x-X

By some stroke of pure luck. Or maybe God…you know…the guy who Kid calls Daddy? Yeah. Him. Just wants to get his son some action or something already and modified space and time (or not) so that Kid's birthday fell during the allotted time of BlackStar and Soul's wager.

The Thompson sisters had gone all out for his 18th birthday and called for an all out bash that would probably end up completely wrecking the location beyond being recognizable.

Needless to say it was going to be awesome.

BlackStar was chatting Kid up (putting in as many innuendoes as humanly possible that amazingly the poor boy had yet to notice) when suddenly the vilest of all vile things waltzed through the door uninvited.

Hiyomi Sakura. The name was forever ruined, now associated only with fangirls and pop stars with clothes three sizes too small. The girl was a meister a year their junior who could not find a weapon to stick with since no one was willing to cooperate with her attitude. She had long flowing hair with a bad pink dye job that in BlackStar's opinion made her look like even more of a skank than she actually was.

And that was saying something.

Her eyes fixed on Kid and like a lioness stalking her prey. Her posture elongated, she pulled her shoulders back and walked meaningfully towards them full of confidence. "Hide me." Kid squeaked, but it was too little too late, little miss Skank-hoe had already reached them. She sunk her claws into his arm, burying it in her cleavage and pouted exaggeratedly, taking a stance that reminded him of Playboy Bunny Playmates.

"Kid-kun! Why don't you dance with me." She leaned up so her lips were barely an inch from his.

The poor shinigami-to-be did a weird backbend bridge, almost crying.

"Back off bitch," _He's mine_. He Jedi mind linked her.

"Hmmm, I'll be back in a bit." She licked her finger and traced Kid's lips with it in an attempt to be sexy.

Yeah…epic fail on her part.

BlackStar was about to use his super special awesome charms in sneak attack mode when suddenly a sound pierced his ears like no blade ever could. He turned to the stage where Karaoke was going on to find none other that Sakura tapping the mike, inciting the horrible noise.

"This ones for the birthday boy Kid-kun." She said in a husky voice that she probably thought was totally sexy before bursting into an off key rendition of 'My Life Would Suck Without You.'

BlackStar did the only thing he could do. He laughed loud, obnoxiously and annoyingly.

"You're pathetic." Kid sighed, not really sure he was getting the concept of the bet- that yes, he was very aware of.

"Your mom's pathetic."

"How romantic." Soul cut it.

X-x-X

He was dying. He was sure of it. Defeated by a pastry he couldn't even pronounce. How sad.

"BlackStar?" Soul called through the open doorway of his friend's apartment. "You home?"

"In here," he replied, groaning once again in pain, "Dying a slow painful death, I'm so sorry for the pain you will feel when I'm gone!"

"You're not dying BlackStar." The man said, picking up between his thumb and forefinger the box of laxatives. "What were these for?"

"Sabotaging the Kelly Clarkson ripoff."

Soul cringed as a particularly nasty sound came from BlackStar's stomach as he leapt up and headed for the bathroom. "How'd that work for you?"

"Not well."

"Clearly."

X-x-X

"For serious?"

"Yes."

"There is no way in hell."

"Apparently there is."

"B-but that's just so…?"

"BlackStar?"

"Yeah that pretty much sums it up."

_3 hours earlier…_

"Look at her in her skanky little skirt, twirling her skanky hair like the skankity little skank skank she is." BlackStar growled to no one in particular as he sat across the cafeteria alone at his table, glaring at Sakura flirting with his man candy. I mean Kid…candy……no comment.

"It is _on_ now biatch, you don't mess with the great BlackStar's meat!"

"Who's he talking to?" Maka whispered to her partner.

"Just keep walking, stupidity might be contagious."

_Present…_

"Sakura…you do know that there's a toilet seat glued to your head right?"

"NO _Patti_, I was _not_ aware of this! I THOUGHT IT WAS A HAT!!" she shrieked in her face.

"Well that's just silly." Things went over Patti's head like UFOs over area 51.

Sakura gave a shriek of rage and tackled the poor gun to the ground wrapping her perfectly manicured hands around her throat.

"God, that is so not cool," Soul sighed at Kid, "It's Yumi's funeral. _Some_ respect would have been great."

"You're under arrest ma'am for the defilement of a burial ground and assault. Do you want to press charges little lady?" the police officer who appeared on the scene tipped his hat at Patti while handcuffing Sakura.

"Yes sir!"

"You heard'er." The officer said in a southern lilt, pulling her towards the parking lot and his white sedan.

"Whatever you do, don't bend down to pick up the soap!" BlackStar called as the arrestee blanched.

"That isn't funny!"

"Get used to it!" Patti put in, "where you're going there's only bad cable, shampoo without conditioner and no moisturizer." Her eyes widened. "You never know, you might even break a nail!"

Sakura whimpered a little.

"Patti, stop encouraging the idiot." Kid ordered halfheartedly, not really caring one way or the other, just that one of the grave markers was tilted a centimeter and a half to the left.

X-x-X

"Happy birthday," the paid off Ox and Harvar called, a little too cheerily for Kid's liking, wheeling a way to big cake through his perfectly angular doorway.

"It was a week ago." He deadpanned.

"Well then happy belated birthday!" Ox waved his hands extravagantly. "…We'll just go now." They slammed the door on their way out.

Mission complete.

Kid looked up at the 10 layer cake, taller than he was and glared at its lack of symmetry.

Suddenly the not-entirely-properly-baked cake exploded and a very nude BlackStar popped out of it. "Surprise! For your birthday you get the great ME!"

Kid, who was in the middle of his countdown to self combustion blinked up at him dubiously while the ninja continued to stand there wagging his…dong in the poor shinigami-to-be's face.

"Oi Kid, what's going on?" Soul rubbed his eyes, shielding them from the afternoon sun and yawned hugely, stretching his arms outward and away from his very bare chest.

BlackStar stopped his antics to stare at him from his messy bed hair to his bright red boxers, it was very clear what- what _treachery_ had taken place.

"YOU!" BlackStar shrieked in an altogether falsetto voice.

"Me," he smirked, "You lose." He then shoved him out the door before throwing an arm around Kid's neck. "Come back to bed alright?"

---

--

-

--

---

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"I refuse."

"You know the conditions of the bet."

BlackStar sighed, picking the lesser of two evils. "You are so much more awesome and epically cool than me, the great BlackStar. You are god like in any way and I am lucky to be in your very prescence. You rule. For serious…Even if you are a boyfriend stealing jackass."

"BlackStar…You don't even swing that way."

---

--

-

--

---

**A/N: Gah, this las****t half was totally half hearted…But the good news is: I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK! My baby's fixed! ^^ You guys have no idea how happy that makes me. I thought ALL my shizz was lost –sigh- that coulda sucked.**

**OH right! We're still accepting requests… AND contest entries or nominations would be awesome for the Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards! Seriously, we've got great prizes and greater times planned so submit or nominate!**

**Just visit our forum: The Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards. It's on our profile.**

**Think we said the name 'Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards' enough? Oh well!**

**Good luck guys!**

**-Sierra**


	30. MakaSoulMS: Public Service Announcement

**Title: **Public Service Announcement  
**Author: **Fiercest  
**Pairings: **Soul/Maka/MarySue, Mr. Chimps/Banana smoothie machine.  
**Note: **JoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontestJoinourcontest... Subliminal enough for you?

---

---

[The views expressed in this ficlet are solely those of Sierra N Michelle, also known to you as Fiercest. They are in no way associated with Fierce Sock Productions. Any and all content should not be taken seriously and in all honesty should probably be ignored. You have been warned.]

A cat, a weapon, a meister and a Marysue walk into a bar. Obviously an implosion of some sort is bound to follow.

A woman of the purple haired variety and yellow eyes with surprisingly amazing upper body strength dragged her two roommates (Kicking a screaming, a minor detail really) happily and kindly like a good housemate should.

She could just feel the warm fuzzies radiating from her two adorable little companions…Or maybe that was killing aura…Whichever. Who cares? She now had a couple underage drinking buddies. Felony is quite fun once you get past the whole moral thing. (She's kidding kids, respect the law…And don't do drugs!)

Little did the trio know that a horrible, menacing threat lurked in the shadows.

Blair sat Soul and Maka down next to each other on the piss smelling no doubt gum infested bar stools and quick as lightning duct taped them to their spots. "Order up Bartender-san! I'll have an appletini please!" She slammed her hand down on the counter in a needlessly dramatic fashion.

Soul scooted his seat forward so that he could collapse on the no doubt germ infested countertop, banging his head methodically, internally cursing whatever imbalanced god out there decided that talking cats are just cute. "Scotch on the rocks."

Maka, being an enormous bookworm however knew the entire bar cliché, "Why is there a banana smoothie machine?" The bartender gave her a look as if she was stupid and she was seriously beginning to contemplate the man's sanity level. The way he looked at that thing was not healthy.

"For Mr. Chimps of course," he pointed his thumb at the primate slurping yellow mush from a glass, down at the other end. The monkey grinned and gave her the thumbs up.

"Honestly is there no health inspector in this city?" Soul groaned, shivering as his hand connected with a particularly wet and sticky wad of gum under the counter.

"But why-?" She was interrupted by the boy's hand clamping over her mouth. "Don't even go there Maka, don't." His head reacquainted itself with the counter just as his drink arrived. This was so uncool…Then again he was at a bar with two girls. Albeit Maka hardly qualified with her ridiculously flat chest. Oh, if only she was hot then she'd be the oh so wonderfully perfect girl of his dreams. Sigh, sweet huh?

His meister chose that exact moment to rub the back of her neck and comment on how hot it was before unzipping her leather jacket (That's right kiddies! You don't in any way need to be cool or a badass to wear these! Good little kiddies who listen to their parents and do their homework can too!) and reveal her tank top clad upper half, unveiling the fact that either she was smuggling fruit or-

"Blair made me wear it," she said in explanation, that's always the reason after all. Because the female protagonist is never capable of choosing her own clothes when she goes out, what blasphemy that would be!

Okay, she was perfect now.

Soul was about to confess his undoubtedly completely-not-teenage-angst-in-any-way undying love right in front of everyone like the cool guy he is when suddenly a puff of very pink and oh so scary smoke filled the building.

"Ah ha! I am the wonderful Susan Down! A weapon unlike any other, I can wield," dramatic pause, "MYSELF!"

"Yawn."

"Can't Justin Law do that?"

"But I'm so much more awesome than him!" The voice shouted through the smog before hacking, "I have super cool headphones!"

"You're kidding right?" Maka looked in her general direction flatly, "So does Justin."

"But mine," Another dramatic pause, "Are SkullCandies!" Dun dun duuun…

"Oh…Well that changes things." She nodded solemnly.

Finally, conveniently the moment the disembodied voice and the meister had nothing more to talk about the smoke cleared and for some completely useless and nonsense making reason the bar was completely empty except for the partners, the cat, the stranger and Mr. Chimps who decided to stick around.

Like I said; A meister, a weapon, a cat and a Marysue walk into a bar. What could possibly go wrong?

...What will happen next!?

Who will win the face off, catfight of the century? Maka or Mary?

Will beat Blair out for the shows new mascot?

Will Soul finally get his PhD in cool?

Will we ever find out who Kid's mother is?

Tune in next week to find out!

**Note: **Yeah...I'm ashamed...But we've reached 30 people! We'd like to thank all you wonderful reviewers and especially ToastweaselofDOOM who reviewed EVERY chapter.

We'd love to reach the big 3-0-0 for chapter 3-0! So give us a shoutout.

-Fiercest

PS: Requests and ideas would also be great.


	31. MarieStein: Pride and Matching Doilies

**Title: **Pride and Matching Doilies  
**Summary: **You know you're whipped when she brings out the pancakes.  
**Pairing: **Marie/Stein (I blame Toasty for this canon monstrosity)  
**Length: **759  
**Author: **Pick up a Pippin.  
**A/N: **I was supposed to continue on from the last one. And I didn't.

* * *

"I think we should buy a shrubbery."

"…a shrubbery?" Marie nodded. Stein looked blank.

"Not a big one, just something to add a bit of colour to the place." Judging from the unresponsive gawp she was getting from the scientist he wasn't quite switched on this morning.

"…a _shrubbery?" _He repeated incredulously, Marie wondered if he was going deaf.

"Yes," then as an afterthought, "with flowers in."

"No."

"…_no?" _Now he was giving her the '_that's what I just said idiot' _kind of look.

"Flowers and mad scientists _do not _go together." Marie pursed her lips, Stein felt like a cornered rat.

"Oh. My mistake."

Something told him…this was far from over.

* * *

He smelt like strawberries.

_Strawberries. _

This was clearly a problem of great importance.

"Marie…" the blonde looked up from the book she was reading, "…did you swap my shampoo?"

"Of course." She stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't want to smell of test tube."

"_Test tube…_"

"Yes. _Test tube." _

And that pretty much ended that conversation.

* * *

"…when did we get tea lights?"

* * *

It was only when Stein was putting on his clothes in the morning three days after the 'shrubbery incident' did he realize something.

He could actually see his reflection.

Mirror!Stein looked bewildered at this turn of events.

"Marie…" the weapon poked her head round the door, angel smile in place, "did you clean the bathroom?"

"How else was I supposed to pluck my eyebrows?"

Mirror!Stein just blinked. Marie smiled sweetly.

It was then he noticed the mountain of cosmetics, several of which looked illegal in most countries and felt a dawning sense of dread.

* * *

"What…what is _it?!" _

"I believe she called it potpourri." Spirit twitched in horror, Stein basked in his own strawberry scented glory.

"…get rid of it."

"What?"

"Don't you see? She's…_changing _things." Stein honestly wondered why on earth he hadn't killed his former weapon yet.

"I really don't think-"

"It's a gal pad. Stein, she's turning it into a _gal pad._"

"Oh _please." _Spirit sighed mournfully. Stein wondered if he was missing out on some international secret he'd missed in his dysfunctional childhood.

"When does the matching couch arrive?"

"Next Thursday." Spirit let out a dry sob.

* * *

"_We _need to talk." Marie glanced up from the smiley faced pancakes she'd just presented, a small frown on her pretty face.

"Ok."

Stein took a deep breath, then another one because he was going to need _a lot _of oxygen for this rant.

"It's about the…changes."

"Changes?"

"Yes, changes." He wondered if the whole world now found it necessary to repeat things at least 3 times.

"Oh?"

"Well…they have to stop."

"…_Oh." _Why did he get the bizarre feeling he'd just painted a target on himself.

"Yes, you see…I need my 'space' and you're taking it over." Marie said nothing, "and it's weird having so much…order and," he let out a frustrated sigh, "my test tubes are _matching _Marie, _matching." _

"So?"

"_So?!" _Clearly she did not get the horrifying truth behind this fact.

"I think it's nice to have a bit of colour round this place." He stood up, the chair clattering to the floor as he did so. His finger poised delicately in the standard '_oh no you didn't' _position.

He was ready to tell Marie _exactly _how he felt about those silly changes she'd made.

Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"What kind of shrubbery?" He choked out, Marie beamed.

* * *

"So when's the wedding?"

"_Shut up_ Spirit."


	32. MakaSoul: Brotherly Advice

**Title: **Brotherly Advice  
**Summary: **Do I have to do everything myself?  
**Author: **The one that is not Fiercy  
**Length: **1,011  
**Pairing: **Implied Soul/Maka  
**A/N: **Um. Ok, I don't actually have an excuse this time xD

* * *

_Dear Wes, _

_How long has it been since I ran away again? 3 years? (Sorry about leaving you to deal with Ma and Pa by the way, I'm sure you are thrilled to be an only child again.) I was just writing to check that you hadn't converted my room into a bowling alley or something; I might need some of the stuff in there at some point. _

_How goes the violin playing? I'm sure women are just throwing themselves at you in the streets to here that squeaky old thing, oh wait – I forgot. You're more interested in designer suits. _

_Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm having the time of my young life and you're stuck in Paris listening to old people ramble on about the war._

_Have fun! _

_Soul _

_P.S. this pen nearly cost me my life, it was in a set of eight and Kid nearly ate me when I took one. _

_--_

_Soul,_

_We have in fact left your room the exact way it was…a toxic waste dump, who knew socks could give out radiation poisoning? (You owe us 3 maids and a nuclear vat by the way.) _

_I was always happy as an only child, I asked for a puppy and they brought you home in stead. Clearly there was a mix up at some point. You did make a mess and follow me round like a puppy so I suppose it worked out…_

_Now go run under a bus and finish things properly. _

_Further more the violin is at least portable, I would love to try and see you haul that piano round to serenade that Maka girl you adore so much. _

_(Also, French girls do it better.)_

_Wes x_

_P.S. Send Kid a symmetrical hug from me. _

_--_

_Wes…_

_WHAT THE HELL?! I DON'T __**ADORE **__ANYONE. LEAST OF ALL TINY-TITS. _

_STFU._

_Soul_

_P.S. Please accept this air hug from Kid, he doesn't get that sort of non-violent/stalker attention and I think he may love you. _

_Just a warning. _

_--_

_Moron, _

_Aw, you gave each other pet names! How cute! What does she call you? Whitey? Scythy-kins? Souliwaffle? _

_Do you fight about her breast size to give reason for why you were staring so much? (Oh, and try and grab some tissues before you bleed all over this letter. It's gross when you send them back covered in nasal blood you pubescent nightmare.)_

_Your all knowing brother, Wes xxx. _

_P.S. Tell Kid I'm flattered but I can get girls unlike the rest of you. _

_--_

_I hate you. _

_Also, Souliwaffle? What on earth, that sounds more like a pastry than a pet name you idiot, are you trying to sell off happy meals with my face on them? _

_I DO NOT LOOK AT HER BRoaofdiafrye-----_

_Sorry…nose bleed. _

_Anyway, you get the idea! _

_Cooler than you, _

_Soul._

_P.S. Kid's going to kill your imaginary girlfriend now. Just a heads up so you can pay someone in advance to pretend. _

_--_

_Soul, _

_What? Not even a 'Dear wonderful' at the start of your last letter?! I'm so hurt. _

_Seriously, go see a doctor. You may be anaemic, and the postman keeps giving me strange looks when I receive mail covered with blood splatters. _

_Everyone in the neighbourhood is now under the impression I am part of some sort of suicide cult. _

_Finally, denial isn't just a river in Egypt Soul._

_Wes xx_

_P.S. her name is Reyana, she's a wonderful young woman and I'd like to see Kid try. _

_--_

_My ever present irritation, _

_I don't get it. _

_Soul xx_

_P.S. Tch. I forget you haven't met Kid, he'll totally own your made up girl and then you'll be sorry. _

_--_

_Souliwaffles, _

_How are we even related? _

_Also, was it really necessary to attach a dead rat to the envelope? Really, now everyone is 100 percent positive I am secretly a worshipper of some sort of occult demon. _

_P.S. she wears 57 knives on her body, 10 when she sleeps. Bring it. _

_--_

_Wesicakes, _

_I ask myself that question daily. Every hour. On the hour. _

_And yes it was, enjoy the sacrificial lamb! I'm sending it via air-mail so it should arrive before this! _

_Love you always,_

_Sir Soul of Awesome._

_P.S. how do you know she wears 10 at- …you sicken me. _

_--_

_My Darling Soul, _

_It's on now. _

_Wes._

_--_

_**YOU.**_

_WHAT THE HELL?! _

_You nearly got me __**killed. **_

_Dead._

_How could you even think of sending racy French lingerie through the mail, addressed to __**me. **__Maka nearly impaled me with a butter knife! _

_A __**butter knife. **_

_I hope you die a painful death and go to hell so I can laugh at you._

_Soul._

_--_

_Fail of a sibling, _

_Ah, there you are! I was wondering what was taking you so long to write back, apologies but you really left me no choice little brother – maybe this will teach you to mess with people older, better looking, smarter and far more awesome than yourself. _

_And why did Maka mind so much? Honestly she wasn't jealous was she? _

_Yes I am totally smirking right now,_

_Wes._

_P.S. Kid dropped by today, he handed me eight pencils. I worry about who you hang around with. _

_--_

_Even bigger __**Fail**__ of a sibling,_

_STFU. Maka and I are totally not together, that's weird I mean…why did someone say something to you?! Listen, whatever they said about last Friday I was really drunk and she had a tank top on ok! _

_Totally innocent, _

_Soul_

_P.S. Awww. When's the wedding?_

_--_

_Disgrace to the family, _

_I cannot believe you have to get drunk before getting some action, seriously. Urgh. Do I have to do everything myself?_

_Wes_

_P.S. Next Thursday, we're going to Vegas._

_--_

_Wes,_

_Wait what the hell does that mean?! _

_Soul. _

_--_

_Brother, _

_The part about the wedding or the part about me locking you and Maka in a cupboard for several hours and not letting you out until someone gets to third base?_

_Wes xxx._

_--_

_Wes,_

_Oh shi-_

_--_


	33. LizKid: Side Order of Normal

**Title: **Side Order of Normal  
**Summary: **'Someone up there clearly hates me...'  
**Pairing: **Liz/Kid  
**Length: **497  
**Author: **The one with all the tea.  
**A/N: **oh deary, deary me...

* * *

Liz Thompson quite often found herself wondering why she hadn't thrown her ever considerate (_psychotic) _meister off the highest possible point she could find. Especially as the amount of paranoid breakdowns were now increasing to: 'if it's not one every 3 hours one of you have been kidnapped.'

"Get it _OUT!" _shrieked the elder demon gun, batting at the air nearby said god of death with her cowboy hat, an expression of pure terror on her normally pretty features.

"But-why?!" Kid did that stupidly, annoyingly adorable thing where he tilted his head and kicked up an eyebrow making all those in the residing area cower to the sheer cute factor.

A deadly weapon, if only he'd stop using it on men…

"It's…_disgusting. Disgusting!" _The extra emphasis was required because it would take that amount of exaggeration before the symmetry obsessed boy even picked up something that didn't revolve around the figure 8.

"She's beautiful."

_Beautiful. _"Beautiful?!" Liz repeated, trying to scale the wardrobe to gain a greater distance – and if the situation demanded (which it nearly always _did) _suitable high ground – to glare at her enemy from above, "_that _is _not beautiful." _

Liz knew beautiful. Beautiful was the latest fashion trend, her hair when she'd managed to straighten it out after a hard days fight, Kid's seemingly never-ending bank account and freshly manicured nails.

_That _was beautiful.

Kid frowned, opened his mouth to protest but his attention was promptly distracted by the thing in his hands.

"I think she's hungry." He said after brief consideration.

"I think we should flush it." Liz snipped, shrieking as he walked toward her – the _thing _scrabbling at his hands, "don't come any closer!"

"I don't…understand." Kid admitted reluctantly, a frown on his features, as if he'd never had to use the expression before in his entire life, "how can someone so beautiful be hated by so many…?"

That statement would have been philosophically sound had he not been talking about the most horrific creature that had ever graced the earth.

"It's all…crawly and hairy and – EW!"

"_She," _Kid sniffed with well practised haughtiness, "is perfect." He then looked at the creature with such unrestrained fondness that something in a very dark part of the demon gun's mind popped out its cave and started sharpening the pitch forks.

"Is not."

"…yes she is."

"No she's not!"

"Is!"

"Not!" Kid sighed and rubbed his temples with his now free hand, the creature instead choosing to latch onto his arm.

"Anna stays." He said finally, scooping the tarantula onto his shoulder and marching upstairs with the dignity of a bald peacock.

Liz watched his retreating form with something akin to absolute revulsion on her features before the wardrobe finally gave out and sent her sprawling into a very asymmetrical mess on the floor.

_Spiders. _

Oh she _hated _spiders.


	34. SteinChair: Material Man

**Title: **Material Man  
**Length: **298  
**Author: **-is too ashamed to admit so guess away-  
**Pairing: **Stein/Chair (yes I am serious)  
**Sum: **It was the sexiest thing on four wheels quite frankly.  
**A/N: **BON APPETITE.  
**For: **Alli-sue, dear god that woman needs a straight jacket!

* * *

"I'm becoming celibate." Spirit turned to look at his former meister with the expression of a man who'd just been told his genitalia was about to be sawn off.

"…I'm sorry what?"

"You heard me." Stein repeated, playing with a scalpel, "I've cut out smoking, two woman are constantly fighting over my affections, I can't dissect anyone for fun anymore…I may as well just get rid of that fun as well."

"Dissection and sex are totally different things Stein!"

"To you," muttered the doctor, Spirit tried not to contemplate that to much – drumming a tune onto the desktop.

"…perhaps I should just become a women. No one cares what you do when you have breasts." Spirit agreed fully with that statement, perhaps one day his darling Maka would be able to inherit the almighty power…

_Oh Maka, the best daughter on the planet~_

"I don't think becoming a woman will help Stein, guys will start chasing you."

Stein considered this.

"Then," he announced, standing up suddenly causing the death scythe to jerk in shock, "I shall marry my chair."

There was a pregnant pause, a bird chirped somewhere outside.

"…do you wanna run that by me again?"

Stein seemed unabashed, now making strange cooing noises toward the inanimate object.

"Who's my special chair? You are! _You are!" _He preened, fondling the arm rest. It would have been funny if it wasn't so completely and utterly disturbing…

"Um…"

"You don't mind if I dissect you do you? _No! _You'll love me forever and ever!"

Spirit decided then and there that Shibusen had just got too weird for him…


	35. ChairStein: Material Girl

**Title: **Material Girl  
**Length: **828  
**Author:** Alliriyan – known to Pippin as Alli-Sue, the woman who allegedly needs and would actually love to have a straitjacket!  
**Pairing: **Chair/Stein (boy, am I serious)  
**Sum: **…Nice arse? XD Don't ask me; THIS. IS. CRACKFIC!!!  
**Music:** The Dandy Warhols, Bohemian Like You  
**A/N: **Take idea, flip/twist, observe spontaneous generation of plotbunnies. Works every time. Takes roughly 10 seconds.  
**For: **The Pippinator! Wewt!

Stein…was still cooing at his chair. This had been going on for a few hours now. Spirit had left a while ago, seeking therapy at the pub.

Stein spun the chair round and round, adoring its beautiful, swivelly curves. He whipped his favourite Sharpie out of the pocket of his lab coat. Popping the lid off, he proceeded to mark out surgery lines that crisscrossed the chair's soft and vulnerable organs, in other words the cushion and the backrest.

"You'll love me forever and ever and ever…" he crooned for the umpteenbillionth time.

He was so absorbed he missed the giggling noise. It came from nowhere as he continued to scribble on the seat. Blair, who was walking past the crazy man's office at the time, _did_ hear it and glanced around in utter confusion.

Now Stein was lovingly raising his favourite scalpel in one trembling, excited hand. He brought it down to the fabric and began to make the first incision. Just then, the school bell rang in its customary loud and jarring manner. The blade slipped.

"_Ow!_" squeaked the swivel chair, turning away reflexively.

Stein was already halfway out the door, rushing to class and knocking into Blair as he exited. He didn't notice the squeak.

Blair did.

The curious cat sidled over to the rather vocal piece of furniture. She examined it v e r y closely. "Heeey," she said accusingly. "You're not a chair!"

If possible, the chair became stiller than before and appeared to hold its breath. _Of course I'm a chair_, it seemed to say, emanating an aura of inanimate-object-ness. _What else would I be?_

"Wow," murmured Blair to herself. "I'm amazed Stein didn't spot that. I thought he could see souls. But what kind of – "

"What kind of Weapon is a chair?" asked a voice attempting to be wry. There was a loud _pop!_ Where the chair had been, was a young woman in her early twenties. Her hair and attire were a plastic-y shade of black, her eyes the silvery grey of steel ball bearings. There was a strange spiral object sticking out of her head. Perhaps it was the kind of screw used to adjust the tilt of one's swivelly chair, but it looked sort of like a ray gun too.

"Well, _yeah_;" huffed Blair. "That's like the most STUPID Weapon _ever_."

The Weapon nodded morosely. "I started at Shibusen because I wanted to be a Meister, you know. But when I found out I was a Weapon, I was so embarrassed I didn't want to tell anyone. And then…I fell in love with Franken…"

"Riiight,"

"We have a real connection."

"Of course, his bum on your…whatever that part of you is when you're transformed."

"Lap."

_That's no fun,_ thought the cat. _Although the guy does sit backwards a lot. _"And how do you attack kishin as an office chair, exactly?"

"Oh no," laughed Stein's stalker. "I'm an electric chair Weapon. But the form I take is flexible, just like Tsubaki. We were in the same class." The ray gun/spiral/screw thing in her head made more sense now. But even knowing she was an execution device on a par with Justin Law didn't help Blair's respect for her increase at all (admittedly cats have an inherent difficulty in regards to respect), especially when the girl spat on her palm and tried to scrub off the Sharpie dashes dotting her face. "Have you ever seen Franken's Soul Wavelength attacks? He electrocutes people just like me. Haha."

Blair circled her latest five-minute-wonder a few times. A chair Weapon. You couldn't make this stuff up. "Did you never think you might have more chance getting with Stein using the more traditional flirting techniques, nya? Trust me; I've had loads of guys. I know what works." She twirled a purple lock of hair round one finger.

"_Please_. He doesn't like the fact that he's got two women fighting over him, you think a third would make him happy?!"

"But you were about to get dissected!" _When the hell did Stein get a harem?_

The chair fidgeted nervously. "I'm a Weapon. I'm pretty sure I can take on a scalpel."

The cat just had to know. "What on earth do you see in him?"

She blushed instantly. "_He has a nice arse_," she whispered. Then she caught the insulting look her discoverer was giving her. "Well I don't see Marie getting to hold him 24/7!" snapped the strange woman defensively. "And he's already said he's going to _marry_ me!"

Blair blinked. "You really ARE stupid."

**Guestficced by Alliriyan**


	36. ChairStein: Material Challenge

**Title: **Material Challenge  
**Length: **786  
**Author:** Alliriyan – High Queen of Epic Plotbunnies. No kidding. Look me up.  
**Pairing: **Chair/Stein (we are still serious, people!)  
**Sum: **…the requested third chapter. Chair-chan confesses. Stein blinks.  
**Music:** Not really themed, but I was listening to an awesome amv by Chiikaboom on YouTube - .com/watch?v=s42OGpnBSxM&feature=channel_page  
**A/N: **When both plotbunnies and reviewers are biting you, obey. Swiftly.  
**For: **Fierce, who does not know I have stolen her place whilst she is on holiday, Pip for letting me steal her fanfic and Sk8er-Fujiwara for requesting the third chapter. **= D** Chair-chan wuvs you!

Because these are meant to be short, there is now an option for a fourth chapter called Material Resonance. And I promise it's over after that. Holler if you want it. = )

* * *

Blair had returned to the company of Stein's swivelly chair, almost hypnotised by her pure fail at relationships, human logic and life in general.

"So..." said Blair slowly. "Is there nothing that would convince you to reveal yourself to Stein? Meow? Because I wanna be there to see his face when you do. I mean…There's been a Weapon under his nose all this time. It'll kill him." Spotting the girl's look of horror, she added, "Kill him laughing. Not kill him dead."

"Well," mused the electric chair weapon, stretching and cracking her back after two days of being Stein's seat without rest; "there is one thing."

"Oho? What?" Blair began to purr. "Tell me, tell me, niaow."

"There is..." she paused tantalisingly; "the **challenge**."

"The **challenge**?" repeated Blair, leaping into the lap of her new 'friend' (read distraction) in cat form and curling up. She had to admit, the girl's lap was very comfy indeed. But what else could you expect from a person who was able to transform into any chair of her choice? Just like with Soul, who she would expect to have a long -

"The **challenge**," sighed the Weapon adoringly. "If he completes the **challenge** I will gladly throw myself into his open arms. The **challenge** will prove not only his skill, intelligence and dexterity, but most importantly that he is capable of adapting to my requirements as a weapon and that we suit each other perfectly. And then we will become the most incredible meister and weapon duo _ever_."

Wow, thought Blair; that was a pretty hefty challenge. Maybe Chair-chan had actually put some thought into this.

"So…what is it?" nudged the cat, curiosity peaked.

Chair-chan gave an evil smile and pointed dramatically towards the exit. "Scoot the spinny wheelie chair **OVER THE DOORFRAME!!!**"

Thunder boomed and lightning flashed.

But only because C-chan had made it.

Blair groaned, depressed by the pathetic anti-climax. "Again, I thought he was supposed to be a genius…"

~meow~

Stein was trying the CHALLENGE again. It was something that had eluded him ever since he'd picked up the wonderful, fun habit of whooshing about everywhere on his fantastic chair that loved him, and didn't care if he smoked, and could be dissected, and wasn't a witch in disguise trying to kill him. That was the brilliant thing about chairs. They were just chairs. And if they swivelled that was even better.

But there was a slight problem. Although he didn't need anything other than the fact that he was freaking scary with a scalpel to intimidate his peers and students, or the knowledge that he was the most powerful meister in Shibusen history to increase his reputation; the constant slamming into walls, falling down stairs and tripping over door frames was really starting to bug him. It just wasn't...evil.

And Stein liked evil.

In small doses.

When Shinigami-sama wasn't watching.

With a side-order of stark raving mad.

In any case, he was facing the challenge. Again. The four hundred and fifty-ninth attempt.

ZOOM

**WHAM**

Again!

Whoosh!

**BAM!**

This time he adjusted his screw, shifted his weight closer to what would be the back wheels when he went over (without going flying, damnit) the frame and tried to predict his trajectory.

He aimed.

He kicked off.

He scooted over the frame with barely a bump to slow him down!

He then remembered the short flight of steps outside his office (which he had left out of his equations), tumbled down them, and crashed to a heap on the ground. The chair landed on top of him, castor wheels spinning crazily.

Ow.

"Success!" proclaimed a joyous voice that was not his own. "On the four hundred and sixty-first try! Take your reward, Franken-kun!"

There was a flash of yellow light. His beloved, trusty office chair transformed into a little-black-dress-clad female with a silver spiral (lightning rod? Electrical diffuser? Ray gun?) sticking out of her updo.

He looked at the woman draped all over him in utter disbelief. His hand drifted up to check the nail in his head. Perhaps it was giving him hallucinations.

"Hello," squealed the imaginary specimen of the opposite gender breathlessly. "I'm your swivelly chair. In fact – I'm an electric chair Weapon; called Shez."

"As in chaise longue?" She was heavy. She appeared to be real. His phantasms were usually more…violent.

"Yes. NO! Well, I mean, it could be…"

Stein blinked, and began to loosen the giant bolt that pierced his brain. He was clearly going to need a lower level of intelligence to deal with this girl.

She took a deep, calming breath and tried again. "Hi, my name is Shez Chesterfield, and…I'm in love with you." She gazed at him hopefully.

Bugger that, thought Stein; maybe he should just pull the screw out entirely.


	37. AsuraScarf?: The internet is for shops?

**Title:** The internet is for...shopping?  
**Summary:** When Asura is in need of a new batch of scarves and going to a store isn't a an option...  
**Pairing:** Asura/Scarf?  
**Author:** Not Jack Frost  
**Theme:** Asura in a scarf shop.  
**A/N.:** I have caught the crack bug. Rawr. Fear the good-natured uncle gone insane.

* * *

No doubt, leaving laundry duty to Giriko had been a bad idea. All inhabitants of the Baba Yaga castle had agreed on something for the first time. And while the mistress walked around in her spare black gown and Mosquito settled for a pink shirt, Asura was in need of some new scarves.

Seeing as going to town wasn't an option (the last trip had ended in a drastic decrease of the poor city's population), somebody suggested:

"Why not try an online shop?"

Easier said than done. And no, there was no hardware issue. Nor did the castle have connection issues. Wi-Fi was a saving grace in the middle of nowhere, allowing Arachne to update her RevengeJournal and Giriko to watch... cartoons. Let's leave it at that.

And so, the Kishin Asura ventured into the depths of the world-wide web. What could possibly go wrong, really?

'YOU ARE THE LUCKY 9001th WINNER!'

With a high-pitched scream, Asura scooted away from the laptop, huddling in a corner. The obnoxiously colourful advertisement sparkled with numerous smiley faces, taunting the frightful Kishin. So, Asura thought, this is what that demon-chainsaw had warned me about. Those wretched pop-ups...

Nevertheless, the need for a new piece of fabric to wrap around his face made Asura gather the little bit of courage he possessed. Slowly, prepared for more surprise attacks, the god of madness approached Arachne's spider-themed laptop yet again.

Finding an online store went without a hitch. The process of shopping, however...

"I need to register?!" Asura screeched under his breath.

But formalities were formalities and the now slightly irritated man clicked the big red button.

'Name. Last name.'

"A-s-u-r-a..." the keys clicked under the man's bony fingers. The first set of input fields was finished in no time.

'E-mail.'

This was as easy as peeling the skin off a few feeble humans.

"T3hmadnessgod at live dot com..." pronouncing each word just to make sure he remembered correctly, Asura continued to fill in the form.

The next line left the man pondering for quite some time:

'Address.'

Grudgingly, the demon god left the security of Arachne's room and went to roam the castle. Searching for somebody that knew the exact location of the place proved to be complicated for a few reasons. One – the one asking was none other then the Kishin himself. Two – secret hideouts don't have building numbers or streets-signs...

One hour later, after finally having an address, Asura returned to his main task. Enjoying a few salvaged souls along the way. Nobody dares to laugh at his questions without paying the full price. Speaking of cost... The man rummaged through his pockets, searching for the credit card he had found lying on the floor right next to that last underling. Luck was on Asura's side at the best possible moments. Now...

'Date of birth.'

The demon screeched in anger. Out of all possible difficulties and roadblocks... No. He wasn't giving up this easily. So what if the 'year' drop-down didn't have dates before 1900? He will just have to choose a random one. Yes, he thought, that was so simple to overcome; no need to panic... yet..

And so, the process of registering was over... Putting his selected garments into his virtual shopping cart and clicking the 'Confirm order' button, Asura let out a sigh of relief. Stressful. Never again. And he waited. Waited for the day his purchase would arrive.

"Asura, darling," Arachne closed the massive door behind her. "There's a package for you."

Cracking open an eye, the Kishin roller over from his face-down position on the bed and got up. Approaching the witch and taking his long-awaited order, Asura let a rare grin cross his pale features... Finally... His new scarves... His precious...

"WHAT?!"

"Now, now..."

"I ORDERED ONE-HUDRED PERCENT PURE WOOL! WHAT IS THIS PIECE OF SYNTHETIC..."

The last word drowned in the sound of shattering brick and metal. Asura had found the paper with the return address...

'_And on tonight's news: a famous Internet shopping company had been attacked by an unknown force. All the employees had mysteriously vanished and the company's warehouses were demolished in mere seconds. The police have yet to release an official statement..."_

Click.

"I told you that switching the packages would be fun?" a slightly drunk Giriko slurred.

"If this is your idea of fun..." Mosquito sipped his own glass of blood. "But a bet is a bet. How much do I owe you, master Giriko?"


	38. ErukaFree: Rewind and Freeze

**Title: **rewind and freeze  
**Summary: **'That…is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen…'  
**Pairing: **Established Eruka/Free  
**Length: **343  
**Author: **Pilly. It's Pippin flavoured jelly :D  
**A/N: **I was bullied into this. For serious. My babies were held hostage ;__;

* * *

Sometimes Free got the feeling that Eruka was keeping things from him. Huge things, the kind of things that could make or break a relationship!

(Yes he had been watching chick flicks again but that was beside the point.)

The point, no matter how vague, was that he was a concerned werewolf.

_Very _concerned.

So, like all self respecting men, he turned to the one source of knowledge he'd _know _would never let him down.

_Television. _

His beloved 72" HD plasma flickered to life, the surround sound humming and the blue ray player eagerly awaiting his next choice of film – that is if the many gaming consoles didn't distract him first.

(No, he was not compensating.

At all…

_Shut up!) _

However today he was on a mission, he flicked through the channels – only stopping occasionally when anything caught his interest, the buzz of random dialogue pounding out his speakers.

"_Don't leave me-"_

"_-You macho potato!"_

"_500 points from Griffindor~"_

"_FLY! FLY MY PRETTIES!"_

"_-and the bullfrog then mates with-"_

"_Is that a rabbit in your pants or are you just happy to-"_

Free flicked back a channel, positive he'd heard the word 'frog' somewhere in his escapades – and his suspicions proved accurate, a large picture of his beloved's animal filled his screen.

Free snuggled down into the couch, this would be educational – he could tell.

"­_The bullfrog has the ability to change its sex, often this skill is used when-"_

The immortal felt the colour drain from his face but the horrific torture didn't end there.

"_When young, tadpoles often resort to cannibalism and eat there brothers and sisters in or-" _The TV was switched off, the sudden silence bizarrely comforting.

"Free? I'm home!" Eruka burst into the sitting room, not noticing the horrified expression on her boyfriends face.

"…Eruka…" he croaked (no pun intended) staring as she set about clearing away last nights popcorn, "are you…a man?"

The witch straightened up, lighting flashed and thunder rolled in the sky.

Needless to say Free was on the couch for a _very _long time.

* * *

**A/N: **you cannot make this stuff up XD


	39. Fairy Cake and Fiction Award Winners AN

Hey guys, The Team's back, ready, locked, loaded, rearing, tearing, etc.

With many corny jokes to show for it, too!

The Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards have finally closed and without further ado…

After much deliberation, tears and random trips to Finland, the results are finally through! And they are….

…

…

…

…

Still waiting for a drumroll _please_.

…

Thank you.

Third Place in the Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards 2009 go to…….!

_Shinigami Chronicles_ by** Reizod**

...

Second Place goes to………!

_Vagrant Fragrance_ by **Alliriyan**

...

And Last, but certainly not least, _**First Place**_ goes to…!

_Downbeat_ by **MarshmellowDragon**

Thank you to all you awesome people out there who submitted and nominated, thank you for making this contest such a wonderful success. We hope to see all of you next year to enter whatever strange fandom we choose then.

Winners will soon be contacted for their choice of prizes.

Goodbyes (For now) *cue ominous music*

-Pip and Fiercy

[Because we can never leave off on a serious note.]


	40. Albarn Family: knuts and bolts

**Title: **nuts and bolts  
**Summary: **Every parent must learn that their little girl will inevitably grow up. Even the legendary ones.  
**Pairings: **none. Family.  
**Word count: **2,152  
**Author: **TEAM EFFORT BEBBY ;D  
**A/N: **WOO. I GET TO BE ON TOP FOR ONCE :DDDDDDD.  
Enjoy MD :D Since we didn't quite manage 5000 words request away until we do xD

* * *

The phrase 'You have got to be fucking kidding' just didn't seem to cover the woes of the young woman that particular morning in Death City. The next sentence that popped into her head involved much cursing, threatening the tearing of extremities and was seriously considered as what to say out loud.

Why is it that her life seemed to shift from utterly, unrealistic stupidity to dramatic insanity in the span of three seconds? It was like a badly designed roller coaster.

"I just felt like dropping in; see the sites, visit old friends, make sure my ex-husband hasn't corrupted my loving daughter beyond compare."

"He hasn't corrupted me Mama."

"Hush sweetie, mommy and daddy are talking."

"Don't listen to your Mama Maka-chan! Papa always has time for you!"

"Get off me you perverse freak!"

"See? She never used that type of language before I left."

"Well then maybe you shouldn't have left! We could have worked it out!"

"I'm 16 Mama, It's not like I'm cussing like a sailor! I'm not a baby anymore!"

She had been playing mediator between them five minutes ago hadn't she?

--

An oblivious and unawares Soul Eater Evans unlocked his door just in time to be completely flattened by the thick wood as it was fully knocked off it's hinges and several pairs of feet trampled it as they ran past.

Perhaps if he had known what awaited him when he would deign to return home that day he would have remained at the courts with Black Star. Or gone with Kid to count ceiling tiles. Studied. _Anything_ but that.

Sadly he hadn't know his roommate's mother was in town.

If he had ever met her before he might have called his own mother and apologized.

--

"-useless, conceited, perverted! Oh this list could go on forever!" Kami insisted, tucking fly away strands of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear, green eyes flashing fire. Spirit bit his lip, his ex-wife's insults cutting sharper than one of Stein's scalpels, he turned to Maka for support but his beloved child was inspecting the cuffs on one of her sleeves with extreme disinterest, avoiding the inevitable fight between the two people she adored most in the world.

"Mama is so mean!" Spirit bemoaned, Kami snorted and propped a hand onto one of her well defined hips, heavy combat boots tapping impatiently on the floor.

"You deserve it you two timing bastard!"

"Ah!" Spirit yelled triumphantly, "now who's using bad language!" Kami looked caught out, pausing in the inspection of the nails on her hand to splutter indignantly.

"How dare you! How _dare _you! I raised her from infancy whilst you were too busy with younger women!" At this Maka looked up, confusion in her features. 'Younger women' she thought in bemusement, her mother wasn't exactly old when pregnant, how _young _did the others have to be?

She considered then decided not to think on that one for any longer than necessary.

"Hah!" Spirit crowed, anger flaring within him. As much as he loved Kami, she was being rather pig-headed about this, "and I raised her into the fine meister she is now! Where were you when she was battling the kisshin?!" At this Kami's calm facade finally snapped, with an angry growl she slapped Spirit clean across the face, following up neatly with a right-hook to the stomach. Maka yelped in alarm, moving back from her crazed parents in mild fear.

"If _I _were here," Kami hissed, "I would not send children to battle gods." And with that she left, coat snapping through the newly opened door. Soul stumbled out of the way, seeing the mess in the apartment, the furious aura from Maka's mother and regretted waking that particular morning.

--

"I am so very sorry Maka-chan." Spirit looked how he always did after one of Kami's sparce and far between visits. Exhausted and old and wishing things had turned out differently. He tentatively, praying she didnt push him away, wrapped an arm around his daughters shoulders, hugging her into his side. "I've made your Mama leave again. And so soon." He rubbed his hand up and down her arm in a last attempt at comfort.

To his surprise Maka did not shrug him off, or glare, sneer, or even yell. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder and snuggled closer. "It wasn't your fault this time."

It was then that Soul came in and overed them each a cup of fresh, instant coffee and sat down by his meisters side. He squeezed her knee and nodded silently, stairing at the floor deep in thought. Calling his mum would have to wait, she needed him. Or rather- ... He snuck a glance at the father and child holding each other's gaze. She needed _him_ at the moment. They were together. And no one was screaming or crying or blaming.

He left them to be.

--

"Kami..."

"I hate him. I hate him so much it's ridiculous!"

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'd kick his ass if it weren't improper for a lady to act like that!"

"Says the woman swearing like a swashbuckler." Her companion pointed out, English accent thick in his speech.

She shot him a frightening glare in which the fires of hell rose behind her as if she were a scorned woman. Which she _was_ damnit! And her own daughter had betrayed her to side with _him_! Where was the justice in that? "John, I swear, you are the most un-understanding person ever! You're supposed to agree with me and stop _defending_ him!"

"That wasn't in the job description." Her partner laid his hands on his shoulders, gently massaging the knots and kissing her neck. "He's the father of your daughter; who I have yet to meet by the way. At least be nice for her sake."

Kami whipped around in a flash. "There is no way I will ever, in a million years, forgive _Spirit_." She spat the name like it was venom that burned her tongue.

John sighed and rolled his hazel eyes. Kami was never going to change.

She would always be running.

Exhaling noisily through his nose he turned his gaze skyward, the demonic sun chuckling heartily at all those caught under his rays, John really wished he could get in on the big joke.

So wrapped up in his musings, he failed to notice the lurking presence and Kami's choked gasp of alarm. He did feel however the crushing blow as a kisshin egg powered his flabby fist into the back of his head, Kami's horrified yelling met his ears, her legs powering along toward him from further along the alley.

He didn't feel his body hit the floor.

--

Maka was the first to feel it, the unmistakable chill of a demon. Her hairs jolted to alert, a funny tingling sensation itching at the back of her throat. Eyes clashing with those of her fathers she was on her feet almost instantly, the coffee table they had been resting their drinks on tumbling from the force of the movement.

"Mama-" Maka croaked, the one word bringing Spirit swiftly upright after her.

"Lead the way." Soul looked from daughter to father, then sighed, chuckling lightly and surprising them with his reaction.

"Hurry up and go you two, I'll hold down the fort~"

The pair needed no further encouragement than that.

--

"So you just let them go."

"Uh huh."

"And that's exactly what you said?"

"Yep."

"Well-"

"MAN YOU'RE STOOOOPID!" BlackStar interrupted, leaping onto kids head, asphixiating him via smothering. It was quite convenient to say the least.

"How do you figure?" Liz cut in, yanking him by the ear, off of her currently spasming meister.

"You don't let the girl go off alone with her OLD MAN! That's like the dumbest thing he's ever done-"

"And he'd done a lot of stupid things." Killik cut in with an apologetic cough.

"Right! He is so not getting so-AH!"

Kid tossed the Louisville slugger into the corner of the room. "As my dear friend BlackStar (may _she_ rest in peace) so eloquently put it. You're quite stupid. Noah is after Maka and you let her go off alone, to some undisclosed location after some unexplaineable threat to her mother. Without you." He nodded gravely. "You my friend, are pretty stupid."

Liz massaged her forhead, wishing she could get rid of the headaches that had invaded her home. "There's something so chauvinistic about that, I just cant place it."

"I agree Big Sis~!"

"We should revolte."

"But that would entail giving up our Saturdays I'll assume."

"...So that's out."

Tsubaki blinked. "Shouldn't we be a little more concerned about this?"

Sadly, no one was paying any attention to her.

--

The handle was unfamiliar to her, the blade far too big and lumberingly heavy. Maka swung her father's weapon form experimentaly, marvelling at the clean way it seemed to slice the air itself. Spirit adjusted his wavelength with her sweep, every flicker and shift was dealt with almost immediently. Maka understood now why her father was such a deadly weap-

"MAKA-CHAN~ Isn't this great! We're _bonding!" _

_Well, _Maka thought ruefully, _there's that ruined. _

_"_Shut up, idiot." Maka hissed, using the scythe's ridiculous height as a vault. Flying over the alley walls her father cheered with delight.

"SUCH GRACE. God himself should be jealous!" Maka, being face down in a pile of compost, wondered if her father had ever seen Kid in this situation and if he should possibly be reassessing that statement.

Brushing herself off she continued toward the epicentre of the attack, breathing coming in shorter and shorter gasps as she dashed.

"YOU CAN DO IT! PAPA LOVES YOU!" Maka groaned, dearly missing the little demon that occasionally popped up within Soul. At least he was less annoying.

Swinging round the final bend she came to a grinding halt.

Her mother was cornered, the kisshin egg bearing down on her with ferocious speed and intesity. Kami dived, barrel rolling out the way of the attack and following debris, calling her new weapons name with increasing desperation. Maka watched in horror for all but a few seconds before she acted, hoisting her father's weapon form into her standard attack position.

"Ready?" Spirit asked, tensing.

"Are you?" Maka retorted. Her father simply snorted.

"Well it took you long enough Spirit!" Kami's growl turned into a shriek, "And you brought my baby along?!"

"Hi mama."

"Does no one see the giant MONSTER BEARING DOWN ON US?!" her father shrieked like a little girl.

How embarassing.

"Still ready Papa?"

"Yes Baby Girl."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay."

Maka leapt into action, slicing through the air in wide arcs that took Kami's breath away. That was her daughter right there, effortlessly dodging, swaying and fighting. She was growing and leaps and bounds and she was _better than her_. Something in her told Kami that she should be jealous, but strangely she wasnt. She was just so _proud_.

That was her daughter.

It struck her that that wasn't ever her partner, her own death scythe and still her movements were perfect and timed.

When had she grown up?

When had _she_ become old?

And then she was pulled harshly into the trainwreck of reality when Maka missed a beat. The razorblade fingers of the kisshin egg came down, bearing in on her twisted torso. She didn't have the momentum to block or dodge.

But suddenly that didnt matter. Because she was with her daddy.

And he had protected her once again.

**A/N: **I'm letting Pipster be seme for today. Aren't I nice? I should leave something long winded since our notes are always like a sentence long or less...maybe. But yes, we know, we've been gone so long! We're so sorry, pleasantries exchanged yes. For all clever little anecdotes and references blame Lorelai Gilmore, from Gilmore Girls...And possibly the lack of Merder in grey's anatomy. Is that not the coolest abreviation for a pairing you've EVER SEEN?!

Admit it. You guys have missed us *coughmecough*.

We hope you enjoyed MarshmellowDragon dearie! Congrats again on winning!

Review if you love Merder, Luke or this story :P

We love you too.

Who's proud?!


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